


Finding My Way

by firedew



Series: A Changing Universe [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Brothers, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Humor, Mild Language, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Romance, Serious Injuries, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 85,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3593376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firedew/pseuds/firedew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Teyla struggle to repair their friendship when Teyla disobeys orders on a mission. Set in AU of Season 4 from Missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Discord

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic over three years ago. I started it on a total whim and never once did I think it would start me on the road that I'm now on. It was a beginning and I've learned so much since, but this particular fic will always be special to me because it was my very first.

Charging down the hallways of Atlantis, hot on Teyla's heels, John Sheppard was furious. He and Teyla had returned from their latest mission so angry with each other, they weren't speaking. Along with McKay and Ronon, they had done their duty and reported to the infirmary for their required checkup. McKay had happily made himself scarce and even Ronon tried to make himself appear smaller so as not to be seen as a viable target. Immediately after Dr. Keller had released them, the chase had been on.

"You can't run forever, Teyla!" John yelled.

At that, she spun around and marched straight up to him. "Is this where you want to discuss this? Here?"

She motioned to several stunned passersby, who had no idea what they had stumbled onto. At the sight of all the shocked faces, John lowered his voice to a growl. "My quarters, right now."

"Fine," she hissed back at him.

In a few minutes, they had reached John's door. He stepped forward and opened the locked door with a wave of his hand and the two entered the room ready for a fight.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" he yelled. "You were given a direct order. I told you no one was supposed to go into that building! Those people were already itching to get rid of us after the McKay incident and that was a simple violation of etiquette. If you had been caught, they would have killed us all."

"What else could I have done? I am going to find my people, John! I owe it to them," Teyla fired back.

Shaking his head, he said, "We don't know that they had  _any_  information on Michael's operation at all, let alone anything having to do with the Athosians."

"John, there was something in there they did not want us to see."

"And for all we know it was their secret recipe for biscuits. You knew how sensitive they were on the whole subject and you risked all our lives on a hunch. You're letting your emotions get the better of you, Teyla, and it's clouding your judgment. As of this second, you are suspended from duty."

Teyla was stunned into silence. She couldn't believe what he had just done. He'd tied her hands. She wouldn't be able to continue her search. She felt the traitorous tears starting to boil to the surface and turned her back on John. "For how long?"

"Until I decide I can trust you again."

Still facing away from him, she asked, "Can I go, Colonel?" A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Fine."

With that, Teyla turned, her face avoiding his, and left as quickly as she could. As soon as she was gone, the doors slid shut.

In frustration, John slammed his hand into a pile of books on his nightstand.  _War and Peace_ , in addition to a few other rather large books went flying against his wall. John immediately regretted having done it, because his hand started screaming in pain.

* * *

Dr. Keller was used to seeing John Sheppard in the infirmary, but rarely was it twice in the same hour. "It's just a sprain, Colonel. We'll just get it wrapped up and you'll be as good as new in a day or so."

He was surprisingly quiet. Usually she was able to get a few smart comments out of him, if he wasn't busy out and out complaining. She found his silence a little disconcerting. She set about doing her job and wrapped the injured wrist.

The look on Sheppard's face told her that he clearly wasn't going to talk, but she figured it couldn't hurt to try anyway. "Can I ask what happened? I know you told me that you hit a pile of books, but … You and Teyla didn't … I just mean, you two were pretty angry earlier … "

John just stared at her and muttered, "No."

Jennifer nodded and decided it would be best to just put her head down and keep out of it for the time being. She finished the wrap in no time.

"Okay, you're all set." John was up and out of his seat in an instant. She yelled after him, "Do you need anything for the … "

He was already out the door.

" … pain?"

* * *

Teyla sat with Rodney and Ronon at breakfast the next morning. She had not slept well and instead of a proper meal, she was nursing a cup of coffee. The Earth drink was well known for being Rodney's drug of choice, but typically Teyla preferred fruit juice or a good Athosian tea. Ronon noticed that she was a bit off and gave her a questioning look.

"I'm fine. I'm just a little tired this morning," she said.

At that point, Rodney piped in. "So, when are you going to tell us what happened? Zalenka mentioned something about having seen Colonel Sheppard's wrist all wrapped up. You didn't, uh … you know … do your ninja thing?"

"No, I did not, Rodney. We simply had a … discussion," she responded. No sooner were the words out of her mouth, but Sheppard walked into the mess hall. He and Teyla locked eyes as he made he way over to the food counter. In an instant, he decided to use one of the privileges of his rank. He jumped the line, made quick work of choosing his breakfast, and with no ceremony, carried his tray out of the mess hall.

"I guess he's still mad, huh?" Rodney observed.

"I have been suspended."

Ronon sat up in his chair. "For how long?"

"I do not yet know." At the sight of the stern expression on Ronon's face, she tried to appease him. "I disobeyed orders. He is within his rights."

"They were hiding something," he mumbled. "I would've done the same thing."

With a mouthful of powdered doughnut, Rodney chimed in. "We aren't even scheduled to go offworld until next week. I'm sure this will have blown over by then."

She sincerely hoped he was right. Teyla made up her mind right then to apologize to John. For her people. She could swallow her pride if it meant having a chance of getting them back.

* * *

He was avoiding her. For days, she had tried talking to him at mealtimes, but he would disappear like he had that morning. She had waited for him after his sparring session with Ronon, but he made an excuse about needing a shower. Teyla eventually grew tired of the chase and went back to the scene of their blowup; John's quarters.

It was late. Sheppard had been busy all day in meetings and Teyla had just finished up at one of her poker nights. She had no idea what to expect from him, but she screwed up her courage and knocked on the door.

A minute later, bleary-eyed and messy-haired, John opened the door.

"Teyla." His face was inscrutable.

"May I come in?" she asked. He said nothing. He just stepped aside and put his arm out, motioning for her to enter. "I did not mean to wake you."

"It's no problem. You wanna sit down?" He gestured to an armchair in the corner.

"Thank you," she said as she sat down.

John sat down on his bed and waited for her to start talking. It took her a few moments.

"I should not have gone behind your back on Lythera. You were right. I put everyone at risk."

"Yes, you did."

"I am sorry, John," she said. She stared into his eyes, desperate to get an idea of what might be going through his mind. He pursed his lips, the way he always did when he was thinking. It hurt her more than she realized to think that perhaps he would not accept her apology.

John broke the silence, suddenly. "Why didn't you come to me, Teyla? Why take such a risk?"

"You would not have understood," she answered.

This time, it was his face that looked hurt, but it was only for the briefest of moments. He got up from his bed and opened the door for her. When she got up to leave, he said, "We're leaving for Vadeena at 0800." For a moment, she was confused. The team wasn't supposed to be going anywhere for three more days. "You asked to go visit the Seer, remember?"

She nodded her head and continued out the door. Before she got very far, he called after her. "I would've at least had someone watching your back, Teyla." He went inside his room and the door slid shut behind him.

 


	2. Instinct

Dr. Keller stepped through the gate and appeared in the Atlantis Gateroom. Sam was standing there, ready to greet her.

"Did everything go okay?" Sam asked.

Jennifer just nodded in response. She had just seen Davos' body to Vadeena for burial. She couldn't help but feel somehow responsible for the current state of the people there. They all seemed so lost. Jennifer earnestly hoped that comfort would come quickly for them.

Sam, sensing her unease, offered, "It'll be an adjustment, but they're good people. Things will work out."

"Thanks, Sam." With that, she excused herself and decided to do a quick check-in with the infirmary before she went to her quarters for a long, hot bath. She stepped in the transporter and before she knew it, she was walking down the hall and in the infirmary doors. Jennifer went to her desk and flipped through the charts sitting there. What she read told her all she wanted to know. All had been quiet while she was gone. Cuts and scrapes, mostly. _Thanks a lot, Ronon._

She nearly collided with Teyla on her way out the door. "Dr. Keller! I am so sorry. I did not see you there. I must have gotten distracted."

"It's fine, Teyla," she said. Seeing that Teyla really did look off, she asked, "Are you alright? Do you need anything?"

Lowering her voice, Teyla leaned in. "I have been bleeding."

It took Jennifer a moment to make the connection to what she was referring to. Then realization dawned. She grabbed Teyla by the hand and led her to a bed. "A lot?"

Teyla shook her head.

Dr. Keller nodded and said, "It's probably just a little spotting, but let's get you under a scanner to be sure."

A few minutes later, Teyla was under the scanner and Jennifer was going over her readouts. She let out a small sigh of relief. Turning her head toward Teyla, she declared, "The baby looks fine." Jennifer helped Teyla sit up and added, "You should probably think about taking things a little easier, though. You haven't had an easy time of it lately. I'm sure Colonel Sheppard would ... "

"Colonel Sheppard does not know yet," she interrupted, "and I am not ready to tell him."

"Teyla, as your doctor, I have to advise you ... "

"I will. When the time is right." Teyla stood up to leave.

Jennifer called after her. "In the meantime, please take care of yourself."

Teyla smiled at her friend and confidante.

 

* * *

Two weeks later, SGA-1 returned to Atlantis after a routine mission. Speak to locals, establish a trade agreement. It was all very standard and done in relative silence. The colonel and Teyla were still barely speaking and the tension in the air made even an emotional dunce like Rodney uncomfortable. As for Ronon … well, Ronon never spoke much anyway. Teyla led the way to the infirmary, directly in front of him. The man didn't know it was possible, but she seemed smaller to him.

_She's losing weight_ , he thought to himself.

After Keller had declared them all officially healthy, they all went their separate ways, except for John and Ronon, who had plans to watch Alien in John's quarters.

"There aren't aliens like that in your galaxy, right?" Ronon asked.

John chuckled. "Only in the movies."

"Good." Ronon swallowed a fistful of popcorn. "I thought you were saving this for Teyla."

When he didn't receive so much as a grunt of acknowledgment from Sheppard, he went on. "You know this is her favorite. She hasn't been over in a while, though, I guess."

John mumbled in assent.

"When are you two going to start talking again?" Ronon asked, deciding to just cut to the chase.

John looked at Ronon. "We're not _not_ talking."

Ronon raised his eyebrow as if to say, _You're kidding, right?_

"What do you want from me, Chewie?"

Ronon just took another fistful of popcorn and handed the half-full bowl back to John. He got up to leave.

"Hey! Where are you going? It's just getting good!" John complained.

Without another word, Ronon strode out.

 

* * *

 

 Teyla was wrapped in a bathrobe. She hadn't been feeling well before the mission, but she wasn't going to pass up any chance to go offworld. She kept up hope that the next planet or the next or the next would be where she would find them. When they had returned and been in the infirmary, Dr. Keller had mentioned that her iron count was low and suggested she get some rest. Teyla was grateful for the excuse to sleep, because the truth was she hadn't been for quite some time.

As soon as she got to her room, she had changed and crawled into bed. But, a short while later, she had awoken with severe back pain and cramps. She had reached for her robe from the back of a nearby chair.

She searched for her radio, but it was not on her nightstand where she had thought she had set it. She realized she had left it sitting on the bathroom counter. Her abdomen seized in pain and she felt blood trickle down her leg. She said a quick prayer to the Ancestors, even as she realized she wouldn't make it to her radio.

_No. Please, no._

The edges of her vision were going dark. She couldn't hear anything. Teyla felt her legs going out from underneath her and was helpless to do anything to stop it. She hit the floor, mere feet from her radio.

 

* * *

 

 Ronon stood at her door. He had rung the bell, but had gotten no response. He knew she was in there. They had talked briefly in the infirmary. He had invited her to join them for the movie, but she had told him she was planning on spending the evening in her room.

"Teyla." His instincts were on edge, but he couldn't figure out why. Every fiber of his being spoke to him, telling him it was time to move, time to fight. "Teyla," he repeated.

His senses were charged and he heard a thud come from inside. It was a sound he was all too familiar with. "Teyla!" he shouted.

He turned his frustration on her door, which stubbornly refused to open for him. He forced his fingers into the miniscule crack and tried with every ounce of his strength to pry open the metal monstrosities. Denied, he yelled into his radio.

"McKay! McKay!"

On the other end, Rodney answered. "What?! What?! What on earth could be so urgent that you need to yell in the comms?! My ears … "

"Get down to Teyla's room and unlock this door!" Ronon threw himself at the door again, trying to reach her. He snarled, "Now, McKay!"

"I'm coming," McKay responded with a new-found sense of urgency in his voice.

When he arrived only minutes later, Ronon was in a blind state of rage and people had stopped to try and calm the big man down, but no one could get close to him. They couldn't even figure out what was wrong. There were murmurs about calling Major Lorne or Colonel Sheppard down with a few marines.

As soon as Ronon saw McKay, he dragged the scientist by his shirt to the computerized lock in the wall. Rodney pulled out his computer pad and link-ups and went straight to work. In seconds, the doors flew open and Ronon rushed inside with Rodney at his heels. There was nothing to be seen in the front room, and for a fleeting second Rodney thought that he'd just broken into Teyla's room for no reason. But those thoughts were put to rest when Ronon disappeared into the bedroom. He came out carrying Teyla.

She was wearing a bathrobe that he thought had been a light blue color, but was now something very, very different. Ronon broke into a run and Rodney gave chase. To passersby that had never had the privilege of working alongside Ronon, they thought this is what he must look like on the battlefield, wild-eyed and covered in blood.

 

* * *

 

 John opened his door. Major Lorne was standing there with an anxious expression that immediately set John on edge.

"What's wrong?"

"You were off-radio, sir," Lorne blurted out. "It's Teyla … "

Lorne never got the chance to finish his sentence. At the sound of her name, John ran past Lorne at a dead run. He had no notion of where he was going, he just went. Much faster than he would've thought possible, John found himself at Teyla's door. He ran into the now unlocked room. He didn't know what he was doing. He had to find her.

His heart stopped when he found the pool of blood. On her floor. Too much blood. What happened? Where is she? With that thought, his mind started to return to reality.

The infirmary.

 

* * *

 

 

Dr. Keller was stunned when Ronon arrived carrying a blood-soaked Teyla. He laid her on a bed and she rushed in.

"Teyla? Teyla, wake up." She took a quick assessment of her condition. She paused in her ministrations and turned to Ronon and Rodney. "I need some room to work, guys." Returning to Teyla, the on-duty nurse was setting up an IV as Jennifer called to her again. "Teyla?"

_Oh, Teyla. I'm so sorry._

 

* * *

 

 When John got to the infirmary, McKay and Ronon were sitting outside. McKay was mid-argument with a non-responsive Ronon.

" … you're staining the chair … Sheppard! Will you please tell him that now would be a good time for him to get cleaned up?" McKay pleaded.

"What the hell happened?!" was all that John could say.

"We found her. She was already … " McKay stumbled over the words. Rodney realized he hadn't exactly phrased things the right way, when he saw the panic behind Sheppard's eyes. "She's fine! I mean … I think she's fine. We haven't heard anything to suggest that she's not fine … " He and John glanced at Ronon's clothing. "Besides that … "

"McKay! Shut up!" yelled Ronon.

John sat down in an empty chair away from his friends. He bent over and placed his head in his hands. They waited.

 

* * *

 

 Sam, Zalenka, and Lorne had joined the party by the time Keller came out. Everyone straightened, waiting for the verdict.

Dr. Keller said, "She'll be alright."

Everyone exhaled, releasing breath they hadn't realized they'd been holding.

Sam was the one to ask the question everyone wanted the answer to. "What happened?"

Jennifer hesitated. She knew that Teyla hadn't told anyone about the baby. She didn't want to be the one to tell everyone, but she didn't have a choice anymore. Doctor/patient confidentiality had a different set of parameters on a military base.

"She had a miscarriage. She was hemorrhaging." She paused for a moment, taking in the shocked expressions on everyone's faces. "She had to have a transfusion, but we managed to get the bleeding under control. She's going to need to take things really easy for a while, but she'll be just fine."

For the next few minutes, the group thanked Dr. Keller for her help. Jennifer had to stop Ronon from breaking into the infirmary to sit with Teyla. She reminded the big man that it was only temporary and he could go in soon enough. Rodney peppered her with questions about recovery times and what was expected for everyone to do on occasions like this. He didn't want to do something stupid. She reassured him and sent him on his way.

It was only after the dust settled a bit, that she realized Colonel Sheppard had disappeared.

 

* * *

 

 Teyla slowly opened her eyes. Ronon, who had finally gone to clean up, met her gaze with a smile that made his eyes light up. She reached out her hand and he grasped it tightly. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ronon … "

"Hey … " he said. "I got you."

The tears kept on coming and Ronon scooted into her and held her while she let it all out. The loss of her people, the loss of Kanaan, and now the loss of her child.


	3. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to "Be It All My Sins Remembered".

Sam entered Teyla's quarters. "John?"

"Back here." It had come from her bedroom. She followed the voice and found John straightening things up.

"I see they've gotten the carpet all cleaned up," she observed.

"They left a few minutes ago," John said distractedly. He had moved onto making her bed. He was doing a proper military job of it, too. _I could probably bounce a whole roll's worth of quarters on that thing_ , she thought.

"John, do you have a second?" she asked. On the bedside table, there was a vase full of freshly-cut flowers. And now she knew why he wanted to take out the jumper.

"Yeah … I just want to get this done before Teyla comes home."

"Sit down, John," she ordered.

He jerked his head up to look at her for the first time, really, since she had come in. Realizing that she meant business, he sat on one of Teyla's chairs. Sam moved over to the bed. She lowered herself to sit down, but stopped herself when she saw the annoyed look on John's face. "Sorry."

When she had found John-approved seating, she sat down next to him.

"Have you been to see her? She's been asking for you."

Sheppard was immediately and intensely uncomfortable. _He doesn't want to talk. What a surprise._

"This wasn't your fault, John," she put matter-of-factually. "I know things have been, uh … strained … between you two for a while, but you need to hear it. It wasn't your fault."

He was up on his feet in a flash. He practically ran for the door, but it refused to open for him. He turned on his commanding officer. Sam pointed to herself and said, "Computer genius, remember?"

At that point, John started pacing the room like a caged animal.

"Why haven't you gone to see her, John?"

John answered, fury welling up in his voice. "If I hadn't … she would've been with me and Ronon. She would've been watching scary movies, eating all my popcorn, and I would have been there to help her. She wouldn't have been all alone in here … If she had just said something … " He paused for a moment to choke down the raw emotion threatening to escape. "She could have died."

He made another futile attempt at opening the door.

Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for her military commander in that moment. She felt guilty for having trapped him in here, but it had to be done. He needed to be reminded of a few things.

"It was Michael that gated to New Athos, killed Kanaan and those other poor people, and took the rest of them God knows where. They've been missing for two months. Everyone important in Teyla's life is gone, except for us. We're her family now, and as far as I'm concerned, if she says she wants to see you, you'll show up. In your dress blues if that's what she wants. Am I understood, Colonel?"

"Yes, Colonel," he said, sheepishly.

Sam got up and slowly moved toward the control panel to the door. "Good." She punched in a series of numbers and the door control hummed to life again. Sam opened the door and walked out. "The place looks nice, Sheppard."

 

* * *

  

When John finally entered the infirmary, Rodney was sitting with her. John hung back for a minute and listened to McKay prattle on about the potential applications for the latest Ancient machine he'd discovered. John didn't really care. He stopped listening and watched Teyla.

She laid there listening politely, smiling and nodding in all the appropriate places, infinitely patient. He made note of an untouched lunch tray on her right and really saw for the first time how thin she had gotten. When had that happened? How had he missed that?

As he watched, he felt a pang of regret. How had he let things get this bad? She didn't even trust him enough to tell him that she was pregnant. He hadn't been thrilled when he found out about Kanaan, and Teyla knew it. A very basic part of him had felt like the Athosian was trespassing on his territory, but John had tried to let it go. Teyla wasn't his and she had the right to find happiness where she could.

He shouldn't be hiding. Not so long ago, he would've been the one sitting with her, talking with her. He certainly would have been better company than Rodney, who had moved on to the effects of a star's gravity on a wormhole. The guilt he felt was digging a hole in the pit of his stomach.

He nearly turned around and walked back out, but Rodney spotted him lurking. "Sheppard! I see you finally found your way. Did someone give you a map?" he quipped.

Teyla spun around. "John," she said, with a sense of relief in her voice and the corners of her mouth turning upward.

"Hi." His mind had gone blank. He silently thanked the nurse, who came over to remove Teyla's IV, for giving him a short reprieve and an idea. "You're getting released soon, right?"

"Yes. I wanted to go hours ago, but Jennifer wanted to run a few more tests."

"But you're feeling better?" John followed up.

"Much better."

Rodney was watching them both with a morbid fascination, but it quickly wore thin. He excused himself, claiming the chair was giving him a backache, and John found himself alone with Teyla. The one thing that he both longed for and dreaded at the same time. He took over McKay's former chair and took a another long look at Teyla.

She was alive. She was okay. That was what was important.

"Do you need anything? I could, uh, get you ... something." He wanted to kick himself. Why was this so hard for him? They were just words. Just words.

"No, thank you, John. It is good to see you," Teyla said.

John's hand tentatively reached for hers. As their fingers touched and intertwined, John squeezed and Teyla responded in kind. That single move did more to lift his spirits and hers than either would have believed. The weight that been pressing down on him, suddenly seemed lighter, as Teyla smiled at him, a true and heartfelt smile.

"Things will get better, Teyla. I promise." The words came without conscious thought. They were just there. He realized they always had been. "I'm really sorry about your baby."

She squeezed his hand again. "I am, too." She choked on her words.

Seeing the pain in her face, John abandoned his chair and sat on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her. His forehead found hers and he held her while she quietly sobbed against him.

 

* * *

 

 When Teyla was released, John walked with her to her room. They had gone nearly halfway when she hooked her arm through his. He looked down at their interlocked arms in mild surprise and the pair kept walking in silence.

At her door, she waved her hand over the control panel and the doors sprang to life. She released John's arm and entered. She saw as she wandered throughout how clean it was. Teyla smiled at the caring her friends had shown in putting her little corner of the city back in order. She walked to a window and pulled back the curtains, letting in more light.

Behind her, John cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, gonna get going."

She turned to face him. "Thank you, John."

"I didn't do anything." He edged closer to the exit.

Teyla spared a glance to her bedroom. She could see the vase full of gorgeous wildflowers on her bedside table from where she was. "Those are beautiful."

John raised his eyebrows in question. "What is? Oh, the flowers. Must've been McKay."

"Rodney?"

"Yeah. You know McKay … Get some rest. I'll see you later." John casually sauntered out of the room, before she could get in another word. John was right about one thing – she _did_ know Rodney.

 

* * *

  

Teyla didn't see John much after that or anyone else, for that matter. The Replicator situation had gone straight to hell and every command-level officer spent days holed up in Sam's office, planning. Rodney was busily working, trying to make their plans a reality. The only one she saw was Ronon, but even he was distracted. A fight was coming and he wasn't able to sit still for long.

She passed her time trying to meditate, but it was not going well. Too many nagging worries, too much sorrow and regret running through her body. Instead of embracing the silence, she found it deafening. No matter how many times she tried, she wound up pacing the floor.

She was left behind while John took the rest of the team and a fleet of mismatched ships to the Replicator homeworld. She haunted the control room while they were gone, waiting for news. She felt so helpless, and she hated that she was getting used to feeling that way.

After waiting what seemed like forever, Chuck called to her. "We're receiving a message from the Daedalus. The surviving ships have arrived at the rendezvous point and they'll be underway soon."

"Thank you, Chuck," she said, squeezing the man's shoulder.

When the Daedalus returned, she was there to meet them.


	4. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to "Harmony".

John's eyes sluggishly blinked open. He moved about half an inch and pain shot up his neck. He ran a hand through his hair as a yawn escaped. Still slightly disoriented, it took him a minute to remember why he had slept in his chair. When he did, he turned his stiff, protesting neck over to see the woman asleep in his bed. She was facing away from him, curled up into a ball. Her hair was disheveled and the corners of his mouth turned upward when he thought he heard her utter a soft murmur.

He lifted his wrist to check his watch. He had about a half-hour before he went on-duty. He got up slowly, cringing when his chair squeaked. Glancing back to the bed and seeing that she hadn't stirred, he tiptoed to his dresser and pulled out a fresh set of clothes. With clothes in hand, he quietly went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

For John, last night had been one of those nights, the kind of night that felt as though it had played out in slow motion. He'd had a bunch of his friends over for a movie—Sam, Ronon, McKay, Lorne, Dr. Keller … Even Zalenka had been able to come.

There had been an argument over what to watch. It came down to guys versus girls. Ultimately, the guys, being the gentlemen that they are (some more than others), relented and let the girls do the picking. The girls were diplomatic about the whole process, eventually deciding on a movie that had a little of everything and most of them were satisfied with the choice.

They divvied up the snacks and everyone crowded around the TV. John snagged a bowl of popcorn and sat down on the couch next to the one person who had managed to stay out of all the commotion. Teyla sat quietly, hugging a pillow in her lap. John scooted up to her and offered her the popcorn. She took only a few kernels and turned her attention to the movie.

As time wore on, John felt her slowly starting to wilt. Her body had shifted into his and his arm wrapped itself around her, almost of its own volition. Teyla smiled up at him and settled in to finish the movie. It couldn't have more than a few minutes and, although he couldn't see her face, he could tell she had fallen asleep. He tightened his grip on her and shifted them both so she would be more comfortable.

Dr. Keller, who had been stealing glances at her patient all night, gave him a concerned stare. He reassured her with a look and Jennifer's attention moved back to the movie.

When it was all over, people trickled out, making their way home. John found a shadow standing over him.

"Do you want me to take her home?" Dr. Keller offered.

He answered, "No, I've got it. Thanks, Doc."

"No problem."

Then they were alone. He maneuvered his body, attempting to free himself.

His voice, deep and gritty from the lateness of the hour, called to her. "Teyla? It's time to head home."

She barely registered his voice. Her cheek twitched.

"Teyla."

This time she peeked through her eyelids. "John?" she mumbled, clearly only semi-conscious.

"It's late. Let me take you home." He took her hands and tugged her to her feet, but he only met with unsteady feet. Her wobbly frame nearly fell over, but John caught her. She was standing limply, pressed against him.

"Come on, Teyla. Let's go."

Her arms tightened around his shoulders. From her exhausted form came a quiet protest. "Please, John. I do not wish to be alone."

He considered his options for a moment, then, bending over, he reached under her knees and picked up her thin body and carried her over to the bed. He set her down as gently as he could. He'd pulled his sheets over her and she curled up underneath.

The water now running over him helped to bring him out of the fog of the previous night. It rained down his face and his eyes opened. He wasn't hungry, but the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach had returned.

When Teyla woke up, John was already gone.

* * *

"Why am I even being considered for this mission? I am a scientist. More than that, I am THE scientist around here. Isn't my time far better spent working in my lab, making important, groundbreaking, monumental discoveries that will benefit mankind for years to come?"

"There really is no limit to your ego, is there?" John asked.

Rodney scowled at his friend, while Sam tried to bring the meeting back on topic. "You'll go because it's your turn, McKay, and more importantly because I said so. It's really not that big of a deal and it shouldn't take long. You drop off the medical supplies and pick up our portion of their harvest. They did have one request, though."

Rodney groaned. "Here it comes."

Sam continued on, despite the interruption, "They'll be crowning the new queen soon and her sisters have asked that you do and little meet-and-greet with her, that's all."

John said, "Sounds simple enough. Right, Rodney?"

"I suppose," he said, looking as though someone had offered him a basket full of lemons.

"Good." Sam directed her gaze across the conference table to Dr. Keller, who'd been sitting quietly snickering at Rodney's antics. "Anything new from the infirmary, Doctor?"

"Nope. It's quiet as a mouse down there. We'll have those supplies brought down to the Gateroom and you should be all set," Jennifer reported.

Sam heaved a sigh of relief. "On that note, I officially declare this meeting adjourned."

The group stood up to leave. Rodney murmured, "I'd better go grab myself some more coffee."

"Alright. I'll meet you at the gate in … twenty minutes?" John said, tapping his watch.

Rodney barely acknowledged him. He just wandered down the hallway, mumbling to himself. John followed him out of the conference room. Seeing Jennifer up ahead, he called out to her. She waited for him to catch up with her and the two resumed walking.

Jennifer started. "Last night was a lot of fun. Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem," he said, nonchalant.

"Did Teyla get home okay?"

"Yeah … fine. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Teyla?"

John tried his best to keep a casual tone. "I was just wondering how long until you think she'll be ready to get back to work."

She pursed her lips and proceeded with caution. "Well … it can be hard to say. It can sometimes take a month to fully recover from a miscarriage, Colonel. Teyla's only been out of the infirmary for what? A week and a half?"

John looked surprised. "A month?"

Dr. Keller continued on. "And Teyla had some complications."

"Complications?"

"Well, there's the incredible amount stress she's been under - the Athosians going missing, taking a beating by the Bolokai, losing Kanaan and the baby … All that on top of losing so much blood, I'd say she's probably a month, minimum." Jennifer finished her list with concern etched on her face.

She stopped in her tracks and place her arm to his to stop him as well. She lowered her voice, so no else walking around would hear. "Can I be honest with you? I mean you're her commanding officer and her friend, so I think you should know … "

Her demeanor terrified him, but he refused to let it show on his face. "She's not doing as well as I'd like. As far as I've seen she's not really eating. She told me that she's been having trouble sleeping and I've seen her going on long walks around the city when she should be taking it easy."

Grasping at straws, John said, "But she'll come around, right? It's Teyla. She can handle this."

Jennifer answered, "I hope you're right and you probably are, but it's my job to watch out for symptoms and everyone has a breaking point, Colonel. Even Teyla."

John couldn't say anything to that. He couldn't say anything at all.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all that."

"No … don't be."

"I'll go get those medical supplies for you, okay?"

He nodded and she excused herself. As for him, he had to go suit up. Duty called.

* * *

_No big deal. It shouldn't take long._ Rodney was still annoyed at Sam. Three days on that planet with … HER.  _Never again. No more milk runs._

Rodney was in the gym, impatiently waiting to go to lunch with Ronon and Teyla. But he'd been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes for their sparring match to end and he was getting hungry. He started munching on the only food he had, an apple.

The big Satedan glared at her and Teyla gave as good as got. He sprang into action again. She threw her rods up, parrying and returning blows in a violent dance. Teyla knocked Ronon to his knees with a swift move and draped herself around his back. She shoved her sticks down over his chest, locking their bantos rods together and preventing his counterattack. Breaking the stalemate, Ronon abandoned proper technique and dropped his trapped rods. His arm snaked up and around her neck, pulled her across the span of his shoulder, flipping her over. With Teyla on the ground, he turned and swung a fist toward her prone body. She let go of one of her own sticks. She deflected his punch with her arm and let her remaining stick fly at his head.

Rodney winced, hearing the cracking sound that came from Ronon's skull. "Whoa! You're supposed to be practicing killing each other, not _actually_  killing each other!"

The pair paused, breathing hard from the intense workout. Teyla puffed, "He is correct. I may have gotten a little carried away. Are you alright, Ronon?"

His hand investigating the knot forming on his head and sweat pouring down his forehead, he grunted, "Best fight I've had in a while."

" … says the man with who's taken God knows how many blows to the head," Rodney finished. " _This_  is what you've been doing while we were gone? It's a wonder either of you are still alive."

Ronon offered his hand to Teyla and helped her onto her feet. The blood rushed to her head and she started feel dizzy. She wobbled and Ronon, his hand still holding hers, tightened his grip to steady her.

"You okay?"

"Yes. Thank you, Ronon."

"You sure you're ready for this stuff?" the big man asked.

Before she could respond, Rodney answered for her. "Not according to Dr. Keller."

"Rodney … " she warned.

His eyes to Ronon, he said, "She didn't tell you?" He addressed Teyla again. "If you're going to keep this up, you should at least let him in on it. After all, he's the one who Sheppard will shoot if he finds out that you're running yourself into the ground again."

"My recovery is none of John's business or yours, for that matter," she scolded.

"But it  _is_  Jennifer's business. She has a doctorate in it and everything. She says you should still be taking it easy. I seriously doubt wrestling cave men is in her treatment plan," he rebutted.

"Dr. Keller is still concerned that my blood volume and iron count are too low," she explained to a confused Ronon.

Rodney couldn't resist the urge to pipe in again. "If you ask me, you should be spending less time in the gym and more time in the mess hall." He took another chunk out of his apple. "Can we eat, already?"

Teyla turned to Ronon, who looked upset for being left in the dark. "I need you to help me. I need to resume my duties and find my people. I can no longer stay in Atlantis and do nothing."

He thought for a long moment. He looked into his friend's eyes and said with a hand on her cheek, "You're not doing nothing. You're getting better." He pulled her into a bear hug and spoke into her hair, "You really should listen to the doctor."

"Ronon … " Teyla tried to argue, until Rodney cut her off.

He said smugly, "Good. Now that's settled, maybe Sheppard won't find out what you've been up to."

Behind him, a deep, angry voice chimed in. "Don't bet on it, McKay."

 


	5. A Look in the Mirror

Without turning around, Rodney asked Ronon nervously, "Is he armed?"

John growled, "Yes."

McKay stood up like a shot and spun around. "For the record, I just found out myself and I was trying to talk her out of it."

"Get out, Rodney."

Rodney didn't hesitate and was gone in a flash. John turned on Ronon. The Satedan warrior wasn't intimidated. He folded his arms and waited.

"You, too."

Ronon didn't move.

"It is alright," Teyla said, and he reluctantly followed McKay. The door slid shut behind him.

John's feelings were written all over his face. Teyla expected him to start yelling at any second. Instead, he paced the floor, desperately clinging to his sense of control as his feelings were threatening to run wild.

"John, I..."

"Don't!" He went back to pacing for what to Teyla felt like an eternity and then, suddenly, it ceased. John unbuckled his gun belt, laid it along the wall, then went over to retrieve Ronon's dropped bantos rods. Taking them and using them as an extension of his own arm, he pointed to hers. "Pick them up."

"John, what are you...?"

"Pick. Them. Up," he growled. She complied and joined him in the center of the room. He did a few practice swings to warm up his arms and assumed a fighting stance.

Teyla, still sweating from her bout with Ronon, shook her head. "I'm really very tired, John."

"No. You wanted to push, so we're gonna push." His face had molded itself into a cold determination. Teyla sighed and prepared herself. The two faced off.

John swung first. Sparring against one another was familiar. Considering her superior skill, it typically ended up with John winding up the loser. But today, things were different. He attacked each move like he never had before, pulling no punches, and she rapidly found herself on the defensive.

Neither knew how long they been at it. It seemed like both forever and an instant, but it was taking its toll. The blows raining down on her felt like wrecking balls. Each successive breath she took seemed to move slower and slower, and her body followed suit.

When the moment came, he was ready. He had been waiting for it. Teyla staggered, her legs buckling badly beneath her. Her vision swimming, she fell to her knees and her body toppled toward the floor, but it stopped short.

"I've got you." His arms lifted her up. Her head lolling forward, fighting to stay conscious, Teyla could vaguely hear him telling her to put her feet down. She did the best she could as he wrapped her arm around the nape of his neck. She limped along, barely managing to put one foot in front of the other. John half-carried her all the way to the infirmary. Medical personnel scrambling around him, he scooped her up and deposited her on a bed.

"Colonel Sheppard? What happened?!" Dr. Keller asked in earnest.

 

* * *

 

After leaving the infirmary, it wasn't long before John heard what he had been waiting for. Sam wanted to see him in her office. Immediately. He stepped out of the transporter and walked through her door, shutting it behind him. Sam was wearing a hole in the carpet behind her desk.

"I must be suffering from a case of hysterical deafness, because I talked to Dr. Keller and I can't possibly have heard what I just heard. You put Teyla in the hospital?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

John had never heard Sam yell before and had no idea how scary it could be, but he had walked in prepared and he was determined to stand his ground. "You and I both know she was going to end up in there anyway, one way or another. She wasn't going to listen to anyone, so I figured she was better off with me doing it. Better me than the Wraith, or the Genii, or one of Michael's little experiments."

Nodding in understanding, but still disapproving of the military commander's action, she asked, "So what's the plan, John? What happens the next time? You gonna sic Ronon on her?"

"Well, technically he helped me out with this one."

Sam's voice lowered an octave and her hands balled into fists. "What?"

"Relax. He had no idea."

"John … !" Sam was at the end of her rope. "I know you mean well. I know you care about her, but she's a grown woman … "

" … so we should stand by and watch her kill herself?!" He couldn't. He wouldn't.

"That's not what I'm saying." She slumped into her chair, closed her eyes and sighed. "Could you at least, in the future, consider putting your people in the infirmary your last resort."

They both took a moment to collect themselves and take a breather.

"Is she okay?" he asked quietly.

"She's fine. She should be released in an hour or so."

He nodded in relief.

Sam gave him an exasperated stare. "Do you have any idea what the paperwork on this is going to look like?"

A smile crept onto his lips, "You wanted the job."

 

* * *

 

She was laying on a bed in the infirmary, she knew that much. Dr. Keller and a nurse were buzzing around her, checking her IV, her blood pressure, making sure that her oxygen mask was secure.

"Teyla, can you hear me?" Jennifer asked.

She could, but she couldn't respond. Or didn't want to. She wasn't sure which. All she could do was blink. Moving anything larger than an eyelid seemed too big a task. She heard a gruff voice out of sight ask, "What's wrong?"

Jennifer did her best to reassure the voice. "Nothing. Sometimes it just takes a while to completely wake up. You should know."

There was a grunted reply. She knew that voice.  _Who was it?_  She couldn't think.  _Ronon._   _It was Ronon. Why is he here?_ Why was she here?She'd passed out. _John._ Where was John?

"John." She managed to mumble. It wasn't really even intelligible, but Teyla felt the control of her body rapidly starting to return to her now.

"Teyla? Did you say something?"

The doctor moved the oxygen mask away from her mouth and she tried again. It came out as little more than a whisper. "John."

"Oh." Then Dr. Keller replaced the mask and continued on with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice. "He brought you here, but he had to leave. I'm sure he'll be back in a while." Jennifer abruptly turned back to Ronon. "You stay over there. I'm not finished."

Teyla could hear him growling in protest. Dr. Keller smiled to herself and sat down on a stool, directly in front of her. She flashed a bright light in Teyla's eyes. "Pupils look good."

By this time Teyla was now fully aware and functioning, and she was starting to grow anxious. She'd had more than enough of being a patient. She pulled the oxygen mask off a final time. "Doctor Keller, I am fine. I would like to go home."

"Yes, you  _will_  be fine and I will let you go home, but we are going to have a talk first." Still on her stool, Jennifer leaned on the bed and put herself on Teyla's level. "Do you know how close you were to another transfusion? You're so anemic, it's a wonder this didn't happen days ago. And as much as I hate to admit it, Colonel Sheppard may have done you a favor. With levels this low, you could've damaged your heart. At least with you here, I was able to get some nutrients into you and an iron injection."

Teyla focused on a point somewhere beyond Jennifer. She couldn't meet the doctor's gaze. What she was saying couldn't be right. She was fine. She just had to stay busy. What was so wrong with that?

Jennifer put her hands on her friend's cheek and got Teyla's focus again. "Teyla, I know that this is probably hard to hear, but we all care about you so much. We hate to see you hurting like this. Colonel Sheppard probably most of all, even though he has a strange way of showing it. So don't be too mad at him, okay?" Jennifer added, "Or Ronon."

From behind her, Ronon said, "What did I do?"

Teyla and Jennifer both chuckled at the Satedan's expense. Luckily for them, he was willing to accept being the butt of the joke, for the time being.

 

* * *

 

She set the fresh bottle of sleeping pills she was carrying down on her nightstand. Dr. Keller had ordered her directly to bed and shoved the bottle into her hand. Teyla changed into her pajamas and went into the bathroom. Switching on the light, she ran a glass under the running water. She felt terrible. She lifted her head and peered into the mirror.

She nearly dropped the water glass. For a brief moment, she hadn't recognized herself. It was her eyes blinking back at her, her hair, her hand running over her lips, but where had the rest of her gone? She was pale and her cheekbones were more prominent. She had dark circles under her eyes and the eyes themselves had lost their fire. She hated herself for thinking it, but she looked … broken.

_Who am I?_  She was a proud, strong Athosian woman. A leader. But that was not who was staring back at her. She looked down at her arms, her body, and saw truly what she had done to herself. She rocked against the sink as tears poured down her cheeks. If Halling could see what she had become. A ghost. Again, she could see John's face when he found her in the gym. The anger, the concern, and she understood.

She took the glass and swallowed one of her pills. She crawled beneath her sheets and lay her head down on the pillow. The curtain on the nearby window was mostly closed, but a small section of the window showed through. It was late afternoon. The light was still bright outside, but it would soon start to fade.

In a few minutes, she could feel the effects of the drugs and unconsciously, she surrendered. She surrendered to her friends' caring judgment. She surrendered to trusting that the people of Atlantis would continue the search without her. She surrendered to the hope that tomorrow would be better and ultimately, she surrendered to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote the mirror scene to "Sleep" by Poets of the Fall. Awesome song and suited what I was going for perfectly.


	6. His Day

"Rodney, if I find out that this is some sort of elaborate joke, I will shoot you," complained John. He was on up on a platform of Ancient design, and his arms and legs were wrapped in a giant thread of multitudes of wires all bound together. Electrodes McKay had stuck to John's temples were making scans of his brain activity and sending the readouts to the scientist's computer.

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you think I'd waste this kind of time on a prank? Please. I have better things to do. Just stand still," Rodney said as he bent down and opened a panel in the base of the platform. John got nervous when saw McKay tinkering around with things.

"Couldn't you get one of the other scientists to do this?"

Rodney shook his head as he worked. "I couldn't do that. What if something were to happen?"

"Happen? Rodney, you didn't mention anything about things 'happening'." On the computer readouts, the activity in John's amygdala was changing color.

"Oh, I didn't? Hold still, please."

John gets jolt of electricity up his arm. "Ow! Rodney!"

"I told you to hold still."

"Get me out of this."

"Just ten more minutes."

"Rodney … "

"Five."

"Right now, Rodney!"

Replacing the panel in the platform, Dr. McKay stood up. "Alright, fine! I swear you have no appreciation of how important this could be." He started to free John's arms and legs.

"I don't even know what it is!" John exclaimed.

"Neither do I, but it could really be an amazing find."

This really wasn't John's morning. Ronon was still upset with him about the Teyla incident. Dr. Keller had shot him a dirty look across the mess hall at breakfast. Eating with Carter and Lorne, Sam had assured him that Dr. Keller wasn't really that angry, just expressing her disapproval.

"You could've fooled me," he had responded.

"Speaking of Teyla, have you seen her yet? It's been a few days, Colonel," Lorne pointed out.

John squirmed in his seat. It was a bridge he had yet to cross and he wasn't looking forward to it. "No, not yet."

Lorne smiled at his normally unflappable commanding officer's obvious discomfort with the subject. "Don't worry, sir. It'll work out."

After breakfast, he'd had to break up a scuffle between two of his marines and walking down the hall, he passed an overhead access junction where he could hear Zalenka inside, swearing in Czech.

"Radek?" John called upward, toward the opening.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm stuck."

John and two other guys spent the next hour trying to get him out. That was when Rodney had commandeered him for his latest foray into human experimentation. By lunchtime he was ready to call it a day. It wasn't often he longed for a chopper in Antarctica, but today was turning out to be one of those days. He settled into a table in the mess hall for a quick bite and scanned the room for any sign of her.

_"Colonel Sheppard?"_  Major Lorne's voice said over the comms.

"Yeah?" W _hat now?_

_"Sergeant Winnacre just reported in from M2R-549. They need to return earlier than scheduled. Seems they ran into an indigenous nest of bees and they're reporting massive …_ _w_ _ell, stings, sir."_

Sheppard sighed. "Understood. Let Dr. Keller know she has incoming." That chopper was looking better and better all the time.

 

* * *

 

_"Colonel Sheppard?"_  That was the last voice he ever expected to hear. Katie Brown's pixie-like voice chirped in his ear.

"Dr. Brown?"

_"Colonel, I'm afraid we have a situation in the botany lab."_

Sheppard banged his head on his desk. He had taken cover in his office an hour ago. He had thought that maybe this was some sort of cosmic payback and he could hide under a stack of mission reports.

"What kind of situation?" It had to be pretty interesting to require his involvement.

_"Well … "_  she started,  _"See, we had got a hold of a really interesting specimen a few months ago. It was just a youngster then and it's matured."_

John felt like he'd missed an important part of the story. He didn't hear her voice anymore. "Dr. Brown?"

_"Sorry, Colonel. I'm okay for now. I'm under my desk."_

At that, he sat up and walked out of his office. He motioned to Major Lorne, who came over to listen. "Dr. Brown, what's going on down there?"

_"Thorns, sir. Every time anyone moves, it shoots thorns at us."_

Major Lorne, puzzled, mouthed to Sheppard, "Thorns?"

John shrugged and asked, "I still don't see … "

_"Did I mention they're over a foot long?"_

The two men took off running. "We're on our way!" Sheppard said.

 

* * *

 

Sam knocked on the door of John's office. He lifted his head from his paperwork. He had a fresh bandage across the side of his neck and looked tired.

"Let me guess. A fleet of Wraith hive ships is on its way to Atlantis," he said, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.

She chuckled. "It has been a hell of a day, hasn't it?"

John nodded. "I'm considering early retirement. You want to join me?"

"Right now, retirement has its appeal," she admitted.

"Do you think the Air Force would let me keep a jumper?" he joked.

Sam laughed. "Why don't you just head home? Get something to eat and a little rest before that picture starts looking too good to pass up."

"That's probably a good idea." Standing up with a groan, he stretched and left before anything else happened. "Dinner?" he offered.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm meeting up with Rodney. He wanted to go over some figures with me."

He nodded. "Just don't agree to stand on anything for him," he warned.

Sam scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"Don't ask." 

* * *

 

John sat alone in the mess hall. The salisbury steak staring up at him from his tray wasn't all that appetizing. He wasn't even entirely sure it was salisbury steak. He found himself mostly pushing it around the plate with his fork. Every few seconds, he would scan the room and his stomach would tighten, but his gaze never landed on who he was searching for. Once he even thought he had heard her laugh behind him and turned around, but he deflated when saw that it was only Banks.

He would catch his mind flitting back to the other morning when he'd woken up to see her near him in his bed and banished the thought immediately. He hadn't seen Teyla since he'd dropped her in the infirmary. He had known how tired she was and he'd used every ounce of strength he'd had to put her down. He had the image of her ashen form falling to the ground in front of him and it made him sick knowing he'd done that to her. But, at the time, it had seemed like the only way.

He couldn't go back to her, he told himself. He didn't deserve it, and what was done was done.

John abandoned any more pretense of eating his dinner and made his way down the hallways of the ancient city. He was going home. He just wanted to put this day behind him. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be. There was nowhere to go but up.

He let his feet lead the way, his mind elsewhere, and came to a halt at a door. It wasn't his. His hand hung in the air, not quite reaching the bell. What would he say? What could he say? He lowered his hand and his finger touched the bell. He waited. It was the longest thirty seconds in history.

She answered the door and a smile appeared on her face. "John."

"Teyla," he forced, because all of a sudden his throat seemed to have stopped working. She looked better. She'd been following the doctor's orders and the change in her was already …  _a_ _mazing._

"Would you like to come in?"

"No, that's okay. I just … wanted to see how you were," his said, his eyes downcast.

She pressed, "Please, John. I would like it if we could talk."

"Yeah, okay," he agreed.

He brushed past her into her room and waited for her to sit down before he joined her. "You look good, Teyla."

She brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. "Thank you. I am beginning to feel much better."

"Good."

His mind had gone blank again. He didn't want things to become awkward. They had been that way for far too long. "I also wanted to … apologize to you. For what happened. I never should've let things go that far."

"John … " she started, "I do not blame you for what happened. I never should have been there in the first place." He looked at her. She scooted closer to him and went on. "I'm afraid all I have been thinking about for months was finding my people. I have felt so lost and I was blind to anything else." She reached for his arm. "I am grateful for what you did. You helped me to see what I should have seen for myself."

His hand covered hers. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"I will be. Dr. Keller has been quite … attentive over the past few days. I do not believe I have any other choice now," she joked and John smiled.

"Take all the time you need," he tried to reassure her. "You have it. We'll be waiting for you when you're ready to come back. Every team through the gate has standing orders to look for any sign of Michael or the Athosians, so you don't need to worry. We're searching all over the galaxy. We will find them."

"Thank you, John." She leaned into him and threw her arms around his shoulders. He was surprised, but in a moment he clung onto her as well. "I do not know what I would do without you."

_Same here,_ he thought. The moments ticked by as they held each other and John eventually pulled himself away.

"I should go. It's been a long day," he said and she released him reluctantly. He stood up and headed for the door.

"Goodnight, John," she said.

"Goodnight, Teyla."

John found himself again walking down the corridor. This time he was sure his feet were taking him in the right direction. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled to himself as he walked.  _Maybe today wasn't so bad, after all._  Things were looking up already.

 

* * *

 

Ronon came around in the morning, seeming to have buried the hatchet because he and Sheppard resumed joking around and talking like nothing had ever happened. They were hanging out in John's quarters when Carter came to the door.

He let her in. "What can I do for you, Colonel?"

"I received a message from Stargate Command. I'm afraid I have some bad news," Sam said with a grimace.

"Okay … " John said, waiting for her to continue.

"Your father suffered a heart attack last night."

He was stunned. His legs had locked into place. Ronon put down the golf club he'd been casually handling.

"I'm sorry, John, but he passed away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to Outcast.


	7. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to Outcast. For the record, I hate using more than a line or two straight out of the actual episodes, but sometimes it's necessary to show how things might have played out differently. The words from Outcast were written by Allan McCullough and I hope he's okay with me borrowing them and giving them my own twist.

John stood alone in front of the Stargate, bag in hand, waiting for the dial-up. He was going home. A shadow loomed on his right.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Ronon stared straight ahead. "With you."

On his left, another voice spoke up. "As am I."

John turned to see Teyla joining them. The three teammates stood together as the Stargate flared to life and, as they had countless times before, they headed toward the Gate.

"WAIT! Wait for me!"

Rodney rushed through the Gateroom, lugging a huge suitcase. He caught up with the others and set the suitcase down, trying to catch his breath.

John asked, "Aren't you supposed to be fixing the Ancient device on M7G-677?"

"Yes, but I got Zalenka to cover for me," Rodney explained. The three exchanged looks between each other as though they knew something he didn't. "What? Everyone else was going and who wants to spend time with all those kids, anyway?"

Teyla said, "It was very thoughtful of you to come, Rodney."

"Yes, yes." The team started toward the event horizon, when McKay said, "You don't suppose the SGC would mind us making a little side trip to the Czech Republic, do you? I sort of owe Radek a few cases of his favorite coffee."

 

* * *

 

With John at the wheel, the blue sedan rolled down the long driveway to the estate. Ronon and Rodney occupied the backseat. Teyla sat beside John in the passenger seat. The four friends watched as the scenery flew past.

"It is very beautiful here, John," said Teyla, waking him out of his thoughtful silence. He truly looked around for the first time in years. It  _was_ beautiful. There was a lot to like about the place, but it had never been a happy one for him.

Next to him, Teyla fidgeted with her dress, her nerves getting the better of her. "Are you certain this is alright? It was very kind of Vala and Dr. Lam to take me shopping, but … "

John took his hand off the gear shift and put in on Teyla's. "You look perfect."

She took the compliment to heart. The elegant black dress and heels were totally new to her and she hadn't managed to get comfortable in them, but if John said they were alright, then she was satisfied.

The car came to a halt and everyone got out. Ronon, Teyla, and Rodney stood by while John and his brother exchanged a few stiff words and they were introduced. John's brother, David, was gracious and hospitable, but there was no mistaking the tension between the two men. They all tried to be supportive, but respectful of his feelings and not to pry.

They spent the next hour being introduced to people John had once known, making small talk and lying through their teeth about their jobs. Ronon and Rodney made for the buffet after fifteen minutes, leaving Teyla and John to the social niceties.

"You should go get something, too," John said to her, his gaze wandering to the room where his father's coffin rested. Sensing his desire to be alone, she consented. She was starting to feel hungry, so she helped herself to a few things from the buffet and took a short walk around the property. It was so green and lush, and there was much to see. She called it quits when the heels she was wearing starting killing her feet. She headed back toward the house in search of a chair. On the patio, she found Rodney and luckily an empty seat.

"How do women of your planet wear these all the time?" she asked.

"I think they're more for decoration than actual use."

Teyla shrugged her shoulders and reached down a hand to rub her ankles. "I do not understand."

"Nobody does."

"Have you seen John?"

Rodney pointed his finger toward the stables. Sure enough, John was standing near the fence, talking with Ronon. Even from a distance, Teyla could tell he was carrying himself differently. He usually had a cool confidence about him, but that was gone. His shoulders sagged and his eyes were always looking down. Then suddenly, he changed. He seemed nervous. Then Teyla saw a woman walking across the lawn to meet John. After only a few moments, Ronon excused himself and joined Rodney and Teyla on the patio.

"Who's that?" McKay asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Sheppard's ex."

"Of course. Look how hot she is!" Rodney exclaimed.

Seeing the expression on Teyla's face, Ronon said, "She's okay."

Teyla gave her large friend's arm a reassuring squeeze. "It is alright, Ronon. Rodney simply speaks the truth."

Still fresh from his breakup from Katie Brown, Rodney began bemoaning his rotten luck with women. "I need a drink. Anyone want to join me?"

Ronon indicated he was interested, but Teyla decided to stay in her comfortable chair. Before he left with Rodney again, he asked, "You okay?"

"I am fine. Thank you, Ronon."

"Okay. We'll see you later."

She found herself alone and soon John was alone, too. Her first instinct was to go to him, but she thought better of it. He always so private when it came to his feelings. She didn't want to crowd him, so she chose to wait and let her feet rest for a little while longer.

 

* * *

 

McKay and Ronon were waiting for their drinks from the bartender when a young, pretty brunette approached him.

"Dr. Rodney McKay?"

"Yes?" His hopes rose for a fleeting moment, thinking maybe the universe was throwing him a bone.

"My name is Ava Dixon." She faced the Satedan. "You must be Ronon."

_Of course not._ "Do I know you?" Rodney asked, wondering how on Earth she could know him, let alone Ronon.

"No, we've never met, but you knew the man I used to work for—Henry Wallace."

He shuddered at the name, but tried to cover his reaction. Rodney feigned ignorance, in his own inept way. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ava lowered her voice. "Look, I realize you have to keep up appearances in public, but I don't have time to play games. Henry Wallace was the man who kidnapped you and your sister and forced you to work on a highly illegal research project involving alien technology … "

_Whoa!_ "Alright, stop!"

"Who are you?" Ronon asked.

"We need to talk, but not here," she demanded.

"Okay." Rodney would've agreed to anything to get her to shut up.

"We should involve Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard in this. It's very important," she insisted.

"No," Ronon growled.

"We'll see what you have to say and we'll decide if it's necessary to bother him with this. Are we clear?" McKay wasn't going to bring Sheppard anything, yet. For all he knew, this girl could be a nut job or …  _a Goa'uld. Thank God Ronon's always armed._

"Perfectly."

 

* * *

 

John was wandering around aimlessly when McKay stormed up to him. "Sheppard, I need to borrow the keys."

Wrinkling his forehead and reaching into his pockets for the keys, he asked, "What's going on?"

Taking the keys in his hand, Rodney marched off and yelled over his shoulder, "Nothing. We'll be back in a little while."

"Who's we?!" John shouted. For someone who hated to walk on missions, McKay was certainly making time now. He was already out of ear-shot.  _Whatever._  It didn't matter. It was high time for a beer.

Having to venture back toward the house to get his drink was almost too much for him. There were too many people and it seemed like they all wanted to talk to him. He was never good at formal occasions. He was no good at small talk in the best of moods and today, he was off his game, but what made it so much worse was the subtle looks on their faces when they spoke to him. They all had one of two things running through their minds. It was either 'That's Patrick's  _other_  son' or 'I'm very sorry for your loss.' He honestly didn't know which was worse. To be an afterthought or an object of pity.

He took his drink and went into the house. He ducked through the crowd of mourners quickly and went upstairs to his father's office. The din of voices fading into the background, he exhaled. This had been his father's sanctuary. He was younger, he and Dave hadn't been allowed inside for fear of them accidentally messing things up. By the time he had gotten older, he no longer had any desire to go in. In his teenage mind, as long as his father was in there, he was free for a few more hours. No arguing, no tension.

The room was filled with books on floor-to-ceiling shelves. The walls were decorated with his father's business degrees, accolades and awards he'd earned in the business community, and a few paintings that John was sure had been ridiculously expensive and not at all to his taste. The big oak desk was the same as he remembered it. His father had had that desk as long as he could remember, and it still didn't look like it had a scratch on it.

John sat down in the large, padded office chair and swiveled it into its customary position. Patrick Sheppard had been almost fanatical about keeping a neat desk, but there were a stack of papers that had been rifled through and casually discarded.  _Probably Dave._  John imagined there must have been quite a few things his brother had gone through since their father's passing.

His eyes went to the pictures on the desktop. There was a photo of Dave that couldn't have been more than a year old, the two of them at some function. And on the other side, there was John. A fresh faced graduate of the Air Force Academy. John remembered posing for that photo. It had been one of the good days. His father had chosen to restrain his usual diatribe of disapproval and was in the front row at the ceremony. They had even gone out for a steak afterward.

So many years had gone by and John had fought in so many different wars since. Now his father was gone and John was still here, still fighting.

He took a big drink. He nearly nearly emptied his glass.

"I figured you had gone into hiding by now," Dave said from the open door.

"Smart boy."

Dave took in the sight of his younger brother. It had been nearly five years since he'd seen John, but he looked as though he'd aged ten. He had no clue anymore about what it was John did. The level of secrecy was apparent in John's infrequent letters, but he assumed it was dangerous.

Taking notice of the nearly drained glass in his brother's hands, Dave asked, "Where are your friends?"

John shook his head. "I don't know. Somewhere."

"I thought I just saw your friend, um … Teyla? She's on the patio."

"Oh." John's brow rose in surprise. He had assumed she had gone with McKay. He got to his feet. "I should, uh, go find her."

As he tried to move past, Dave grabbed his arm. "Are we gonna talk about this?"

John looked sadly at his brother. "There's nothing to talk about."

"What about the will, John? I assume that's why you're here," Dave said, an accusation thinly hidden in his tone.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about? Money?" John couldn't believe his ears. "Well, you have nothing to worry about." He walked out the door.

Dave followed the colonel and tried to get him to stop. "Look, John, I'm sorry. You've been gone a long time … "

John paused for a moment, but didn't turn around.

"Dad regretted what happened between you two, right up to the end."

His shoulders sagging, John walked away.

 

* * *

 

John rounded the corner to the patio and searched for her. He didn't have to search long. Teyla was talking with Darren Harris, one of his father's oldest clients. She was smiling politely, but he could tell that she was understanding very little of what the man was telling her. When she spotted John, the smile morphed into a genuine one, radiant and full of relief.

Setting his empty glass down on the nearest table, he strode over to her and took her by the hand.

"John Sheppard! So good to see you! I hear you're a Lieutenant Colonel now," the older man said.

John wasn't in the mood to waste time with Mr. Harris. "Yep, that's right." Leading Teyla away, he added politely, "If you'll excuse us, Mr. Harris?"

Flustered, the old businessman said, "Well, yes … of course."

Striding quickly out into the yard, he never let go of her hand, but he also didn't say a word. When the pace finally slowed to a more relaxed one, Teyla spoke up.

"John, are you alright?"

Nodding, he quietly told her, "I just had to get out of there."

The wind blew through the trees, the leaves and grass swayed. The sun was shining brightly. It was a gorgeous day. She simply squeezed his hand in response, letting him know that she understood. They walked in companionable silence, hand in hand.

They had walked for nearly an hour when they finally circled around to the driveway. John could see his car had been returned to its previous space.

"McKay and Ronon are back," he said. As he did, the missing duo appeared in his sights.

When the team met together, McKay told John with a frown, "We have a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

Ronon's grizzled voice spoke up, "Replicators."

 


	8. Commiserating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to Outcast, Bates and Teyla backstory taken from The Siege, Part 1.

Teyla changed out of her dress and into some of her normal clothes. There wasn't a lot of call for heels on the Earth-ship Apollo, not to mention that her feet were screaming at her. The feel of John's hand in hers had made her numb to all else for a while, but by the time they had been joined by Ronon and Rodney, she'd been dying to rip the shoes off her aching feet.

John and Ronon were doing the same as she was, changing out of the suits they had been in and into their work clothes. Rodney was already down in the ship's lab working with Miss Dixon, trying to locate the missing replicator. Leaving the locker room, she could hear John's voice down the hall.

Rounding the corner, Teyla stiffened up. The man in the suit talking to John was a man she knew about as well as she ever wanted.

"Teyla. Good to see you again," said Bates politely, but it was obvious he hadn't forgotten what had happened between them any more than she had.

"Sergeant Bates."

Tension ripe in the air, Bates turned back to Sheppard. He said with a chuckle, "I'm just a civilian now. I was honorably discharged from the military due to my injuries."

"So who are you with now? NID?" John asked, keeping one eye on Teyla.

"IOA. They offered me a job in their new field office dealing with operational threats on Earth," said Bates.

John nodded. "Well, it's good to see you back in action."

They continued through the metal hallways of the Apollo. Ronon hung back with Teyla and nudged her. "What's the matter?"

Shaking her head, she said, "Sergeant Bates and I once had an altercation."

Raising an eyebrow, the Satedan chuckled, "You?"

"Do not laugh, Ronon. He accused me of being a traitor to the Wraith."

He was no longer amused. "Can I shoot him?" he asked with one hand on his stunner.

"I do not think Colonel Sheppard would approve, Ronon."

"Maybe I could just shove him out an airlock."

"I am sure that would be fine," she deadpanned.

 

* * *

 

Sitting around a table, they laid out their plans.

"That's about a five block radius," McKay pointed on the map readout of the target area.

Bates chimed in. "We'll say it's a chemical spill. I'll have my people get on it."

Sheppard nodded. "Good. We need all your men fully loaded and ready to bring this guy down. Bates, you're with Dr. Poole on the ground, along with me and Ronon. McKay, you'll stay here on the Apollo."

Rodney nodded in emphatic approval.

"And Teyla … " he trailed off. She wasn't ready. She wouldn't be for weeks.

"I will remain here with Dr. McKay," she said, resigned to staying behind. Again.

"Yeah … " John refocused on the mission. "Any questions?"

Bates had one. "May I ask why Teyla's being benched? If I remember correctly, this is the sort of thing she's good at. She could be an asset to us out there."

John clenched his jaw and Bates could see the tension running through his face. It was Teyla that finally answered. "I am not medically cleared for duty at the moment."

"Is that right? Okay, fair enough."

"Anything else?" John questioned the group. With no further response, he continued, "Good. I'll brief Colonel Ellis and we'll get moving." Sheppard headed for the bridge, followed by Ronon and Teyla. Rodney stayed behind and went back to his computer. Bates made a quick call to set the evacuation of the target area in motion and then turned on Rodney.

"So Teyla's still an 'integral part' of the team, I see." Rodney didn't openly acknowledge the comment, but he could hear the sarcasm. Bates couldn't resist the opening and went on. "Have you had any problems with that Wraith telepathy thing? Is that the, uh, medical problem? She's a security risk?"

Rodney tried not to get pulled into Bates' goading.

Not getting anything, he decided to bark up a different tree. "What did she do? Get pregnant?"

At that, Rodney went rigid. "What is your problem, Bates? She decked you once and you just can't get over it?"

"She did, huh?" Bates smiled with smug superiority. He'd caught a lot of flack for his theory four years ago and felt vindicated.

"She's not … she's not pregnant anymore," McKay affirmed with a grimace.

"Oh. I'm sure that must have been rough on the colonel."

Rodney, fed up with Bates' tone, sat up straighter. "As a matter of fact, it was. But not for the reason you think."

"If you say so, Dr. McKay."

_Alright. That's it._  Rodney locked his jaw and went to his friends' defense. "Look, you've been away from Atlantis awhile, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Teyla's a member of the team. If something happens to her, it happens to all of us. And so help me, if you say one more word about it—and I say this knowing full well you can probably kill me with your little finger—I'll punch you in the face."

Taken off guard by Rodney's reaction, Bates decided to let it go. "Relax, Dr. McKay. We're just catching up, right?"

"You know, you and the IOA are a perfect fit."

 

* * *

 

The nightmares were back. Teyla had been resting dreamlessly for the past week, since Dr. Keller had prescribed her the sleeping pills. But when she had retired to her hotel room that night, she realized that her pills were still sitting on her bathroom counter in Atlantis. She flicked on the light in the hotel bathroom, squinting in the bright light. She was covered in sweat and the pizza she'd had for dinner was not sitting well in her churned up stomach.

The mission to stop the Replicator hadn't gone well. Bates and several others had been injured, and there had been a few casualties. With the Replicator now masking his tracking signal, they had lost him and McKay was having fits about trying to find another way to locate him. With the mission going nowhere fast, it was decided to call it a night and the team was beamed to the hotel. Disheartened and defeated, dinner had been short and relatively silent except for the near-constant clicking of Rodney's computer keys.

Teyla leaned over the toilet and vomited. The images were still roiling through her head at incredible speed. Running through forests of New Athos, hearing the terrified screams of her people, helpless to save them. Finally arriving in the village to find everyone gone and an empty cradle. In the dream, she found a body. Just one this time, and it wasn't Kanaan. It was John. Her heart thundered, remembering the sight of John in all that blood and the light in his eyes gone.

She knew he was fine. He was in the room one door over and if she were to go knocking, she knew he would answer. But she couldn't shake the fear and despair that the nightmare had generated within her.

She needed to get control. She had allowed these feelings to rule her before and she'd nearly destroyed herself. She wouldn't allow that to happen again, not for lack of a few pills. She was stronger than this.

Teyla picked herself up off the cold tile, splashed water over her face and brushed her teeth to get rid of the acrid taste in her mouth. She would try to sleep again later, but it would be a while before she even considered it. She needed to clear her head first. She pulled a blanket off the bed, wrapped it around her, and left her hotel room. She didn't go far, just outside the door, but the open space and the cool fresh air were just what she felt she needed.

 

* * *

 

Around one o'clock in the morning, John had rolled around the bed for the last time. He was already wearing his jogging pants, so he got up and threw on a t-shirt and his shoes. A walk … he needed to walk.  _Maybe a jog. Nah, a run._ Fastening his watch to his wrist, he strode out the door and fell over Teyla, who was sitting down on the walkway.

Throwing out his arms, he tried to stop his momentum to avoid landing on top of her, but all he succeeded doing was knocking her over with him. Sprawled in a tangled heap, their eyes met. Seeing the shock and surprise written all over her face, a chuckle rumbled in John's chest and Teyla soon joined him. The two couldn't help but laugh at themselves and the unexpected turn events while they attempted to untangled their limbs.

"John, what are you doing out here?" Teyla asked with a giggle still in her voice.

"Me? What about you? Is this how you get your jollies now? Taking out innocent colonels?"

They managed to pull each other up to a sitting position. "I needed to get some air," John answered her. He chuckled at her disheveled appearance. "Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Yes, John. No harm done."

They settled down together and John no longer felt the need to run. He was perfectly content staying here with her. "What about you? Is this a new sport you've taken up or what?"

She glanced up at him. "No. I, too, felt the need for some fresh air. I was not feeling well."

"Getting sick?"

Hearing his concern, she said, "I do not believe so. I … had a rather disturbing dream and I am afraid I did not react well to it, that is all." She tried to change the subject. "Have you thought of what you want to do about the Replicator?"

"I think I'm going to pay Nancy a visit. She's got some pull. Maybe she can dig something up on Project Archetype that we can use." Realizing that Teyla probably didn't know anything about Nancy, he added, "Nancy's my, uh … "

"I know. Ronon pointed her out at the wake," Teyla said, bluntly.

In his head, he groaned.  _Thanks a lot, Chew_ _ie_.

"She is very beautiful, John."

"Yeah … well … Aren't you cold? My rear end is freezing." The concrete beneath them had cooled considerably in the nighttime air and the wind was starting to pick up. John was grateful for the out.

"You are welcome to share my blanket, John," Teyla offered.

He grinned. "As tempting as that sounds … " He stood up and offered his hand. "C'mon, let's go inside." She gripped his hand, and he helped her to her feet and led her into his room.

Gesturing at the bed, he said, "Why don't you sit down? Do you want some water or … " Teyla, having sat down, had a puzzled expression dotting her features. "What?"

"Isn't your father's burial in the morning? You will miss it."

He sighed and slumped down on the bed next to her. "Yeah, but it can't be helped. I can't exactly let a Replicator keep wandering around. People could get hurt."

She squeezed his hand. "I am sorry, John."

John couldn't say anything. He just squeezed back.

"What about your brother? Do you think you will be able to visit him again before we leave for Atlantis?"

He started to squirm. "I don't know, Teyla. Dave and I haven't been what you would call close for a long time now. He and my father were always so alike and they usually had the same opinions about what I should or shouldn't want for my life."

"You are brothers and you have both suffered a great loss," she countered. "Is that not enough to overcome any differences of opinion?"

"Sometimes it isn't," he said in a low voice.

"Do you not owe it to yourself to try?"

"I don't know. Maybe." He sighed, his eyes tired. "It's really late, Teyla, and we have an early morning. Maybe we just try and get some sleep."

"You are probably right." She got to her feet and wadded her blanket into a bundle in her arms. As she left for the exit, she said, "Goodnight, John."

With her hand on the doorknob, John called to her. "Teyla, wait." She looked back over her shoulder. "Why don't you just stay here? You can take the bed. I'll … sack out on the floor."

Her heart warmed from kindness of the offer. "That is really not necessary, John."

"Please," he started. The words came out slowly and awkwardly, but with sincerity. "Teyla, please stay. I'd … like it … if you'd stay."

Her hand fell away from the knob. "Are you certain?"

At that first sign of her relenting, he felt some of the built-up tension drain out of him. "Come on."

Without another word, he kicked off his shoes and flipped off the light of the standing lamp in the corner of the room. While Teyla tried to get situated in the bed, John retrieved a pillow and one of the blankets and settled on the ground next to it.

"Goodnight, John. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

 

* * *

 

Startled awake, John could hear Teyla crying out in her sleep. He untangled himself from his sheet and scrambled up to the bed. Barely any light in the room, he felt around for her and found his way quickly. She shook against him and he could feel her tears wetting his shirt as he held her.

"It's okay. It's okay," he repeated, trying to calm her.

She clutched at him, fearing to let go. "John … "

"Yeah, it's me." He rocked her back and forth until she started to calm down and her heart was no longer racing.

Their two bodies stilled and John said, "You shouldn't have come. You would've been better off at home."

"I wanted to be here. With you."

"Is it like this every night?" he asked, drenched with concern.

She reluctantly admitted, "Most nights. I have been better lately with Dr. Keller's help, but I foolishly left my pills in Atlantis. "

He sighed, and she laid her head back down on his chest. He pulled her tighter to him. He spoke softly in her ear, "Coming to a funeral is the last thing you need. It probably just reminds you of … losing Kanaan."

She couldn't see his face, but she could hear the hesitation in his voice when he spoke Kanaan's name. "I learned how to bury the dead a long time ago, John. Kanaan is gone. He will always have a place in my heart, but at least he is at peace. It is … the others I cannot seem to shake. My people, Halling … who knows what has happened to them, what they are going through. And my child … " she choked.

John laid them both down. He pulled the blankets over them and held her close, her head resting on his arm and nestled against his chest. Through her falling tears, she apologized to him again.

"I am sorry, John. I did not want to put this kind of burden on you."

"You are not a burden, Teyla." His hand moved to caress her face and he put his forehead to hers. "Not even close."

A glimmer of light from the between the slats in the blinds reflected in her left eye, making it sparkle. As Teyla held him, his skin came alive beneath her touch. Their heads still connected, his thumb softly wiped her tears away. His heart starting to pound, John slowly, tentatively closed the small distance that remained and their lips touched.

He had kissed her before, but it was nothing like this. In complete control of himself, the kiss was slow and careful, and instead of being taken off guard, Teyla welcomed it. Her soft mouth was a willing cushion for him, grazing along his in a slow, restrained dance. John moved with caution, enjoying her, but not wanting to push too far and, at the same time, terrified that at any moment she'd pull away.

When she didn't, his lips parted. She followed him seamlessly and he tasted her, moist and hot. Her mouth felt so natural against his, velvet and soft, sweeping along in increasingly eager strokes. Her hand caressed his face. He felt the barest hint of her tongue tickling his lips and he quickly found that if he didn't concentrate, he would lose himself in her.

Gasping for air, he reluctantly pulled away. "Sorry … "

Her thumb tenderly stroked his cheek. "Don't be."

She settled into his arms and they laid in silence, listening to the other breathing in the darkness. They slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Early the next morning, shadowed by Ronon, Rodney knocked on Sheppard's door. He had a half-empty to-go tray of coffee in hand and an impatient attitude.

John slowly opened the door, stopping it when only his head and upper chest were visible.

"You're not even dressed yet?" Rodney complained. "We're due to beam up to the Apollo in ten minutes."

"Relax, McKay. I'll be ready," John said, placating the grumpy scientist.

"Well, while you're getting ready, I'll get Teyla."

"Rodney, wait!" John shouted, desperate to stop him from knocking on her door.

"What?"

"Why don't you just let her sleep in? Have a vacation day? It's not like she can really do anything anyway," he reasoned. "We'll … check in with her later."

McKay huffed. "Fine. Just hurry up, will you?"

"Right," John said as he slid his door closed.

John grabbed his uniform pants and disappeared into the bathroom. He reappeared, having changed out of his jogging pants, and ripped off his t-shirt. He reached into his bag for a new one and was shrugging into it when Teyla opened her eyes. She laid there watching through the bureau mirror John's rapid hands working the buttons on his uniform shirt and smiling to herself.

"Hey," John said, glancing in the mirror and noticing for the first time that she was awake. He sat down on the bed and went to work on his shoes and socks. "You don't have to get up. Just stay here and try to get some rest, okay?"

She started to argue. "John, I realize that I can't come along on the mission, but … "

"We've got this, Teyla. Do you really want to spend the next day stuck on board the Apollo? Besides," he added with a smirk, "I'd like to keep you and Bates as far apart as possible."

She glared, much to his amusement.

"I promise we'll check in and keep you in the loop, okay?" he offered. Flipping his wrist to check the time, he said, "I've really got to go."

"Good luck, John."

 

* * *

 

John's cab pulled up to the big house and he climbed out of the backseat. He reached for his tie and pulled it a little tighter. His shirt collar was hiding a new set of bright purple bruises around his neck. He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Dave was shocked to see John standing there. He had been pretty certain that after their last conversation the next time he would hear of John would be a pair of soldiers knocking on his door.

"I'm sorry I wasn't at the funeral," John started. "I was called away. A work thing … "

"So … national security?" Dave asked, awkwardly.

"Yeah. Something like that."

Dave stepped to the side and let John in. The large foyer was filled with boxes.

"You moving in?" John asked.

Dave nodded. "Some of these are mine. Most are some of Dad's things being donated to charity."

Impressed with the size of the pile, John said, "That's a lot of stuff to go through. You do it all yourself?"

"Yeah."

They truly were brothers. Neither of them could carry a conversation about anything that really mattered. Feelings were too messy and too painful, a lesson they had both learned at a young age.

"Do you want a drink, John?"

"No, that's okay. I can't stay. I've got to get back to base," he explained. "I just came to, uh … " John stammered, but something he heard from a friend came to him. "Shouldn't this be easier? We are brothers, after all. And we … used to be friends."

"That was a long time ago, John. But … I would like it if we could be friends again," Dave agreed.

"Maybe I'll, uh, contact you soon, then. Next time I'm in town, I'll … drop by."

"I'd like that," said Dave.

 


	9. Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to Trio.

"Sheppard." Ronon's low voice said. "Sheppard."

They were sitting at a table in the mess hall with trays in front of them. Ronon's food was already mostly gone, but John's was largely untouched. He was leaning on the table, elbows propped, and resting his head in his hands. As for his mind, it was somewhere else entirely.

Ronon kicked out and made contact with John's leg. "Sheppard!"

His shin smarting, John complained, "Ow! What did you do that for?"

"What's with you?" the big man asked.

"Nothing," he claimed. "Have you seen Teyla today, by any chance?" John added, trying to appear nonchalant.

Ronon, concentrating on his mashed potatoes, mumbled, "She's supposed to be with the doc. Why?"

"No reason." He went back to nibbling on his lunch. "Another check-up?"

"Yep."

Sheppard turned back to his food, but every once in a while, his eyes would wander around the room.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," Ronon mumbled.

Snapped out of his reverie again, John said, "What doesn't?"

"You're acting weird."

John shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth. "I'm eating."

With a huge exhale, Ronon sat forward in his chair, looked John in the eyes, and said, "Just go see her."

"Who?"

"Teyla." When John just gave him a blank stare, he continued. "So did you guys finally ..."

"What? No!"

Raising his eyebrows in a knowing way, Ronon said, "'Cause things seemed to be going that way on Earth."

John's eyes narrowed and Ronon laughed. Leaning in toward his friend, John lowered his voice and said, "Do you think McKay noticed?"

"That you were hiding Teyla in your room?" Ronon took a forkful of food and chewed. "No."

Shocked, John's eyes went wide. "I actually meant the other stuff, but how did you ...?"

"Her perfume," Ronon said tapping his nose.

John sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. He wanted to be clear. "Nothing happened, Chewy."

Ronon put down his fork and stated in his gruff way, "Look, all I'm saying is, what are you doing here when you want to be with her?"

John pursed his lips. "I'm not very good at this kind of thing."

"I noticed," Ronon smirked.

"I don't want to screw this up."

The massive warrior stood up, carrying his empty lunch tray, and slapped Sheppard on the shoulder. "Then, don't."

 

* * *

 

Teyla was walking down the hallways of Atlantis when John caught up to her. He had a nervous energy about him and she felt the same thing start to run through her at the sight of him. She keenly remembered what it had felt like to wake up to the sight of his handsome face and his perpetually messy hair. Her heart sped up and she smiled.

"So how'd it go with the doc?" Sheppard asked.

"Very well. Doctor Keller says I am continuing to improve and I have been cleared for light exercise," Teyla reported, clearly sounding less than enthusiastic about the light part.

"So no smackdowns with Ronon, yet? Can't say I'm that disappointed," John admitted.

She looked at him curious as to what he'd say next.

"I guess I'm just not that eager to see you back in the infirmary," he explained.

Smiling, she said, "Perhaps it would be Ronon needing medical care."

"Well, one can always hope. I think I may have just the thing for you," he said, getting an idea. Checking the time, he went on, "I have to meet Lorne in a few minutes, but if you'll meet me at four o'clock, we could ... do something."

"I'd like that, John. Where did you want to meet?" she questioned.

"You know what? I'll pick you up. Your place?" he asked.

She nodded and John smiled as he turned toward the tower.

 

* * *

 

"I know what Ronon told you, but you have to try it for yourself," said John, reading her underwhelmed expression, as he handed her a golf club. "This way, you get to hit something without it hitting you back." He set up a tee for each of them and grabbed a couple of balls out of the bucket.

"The object of the game is to hit the ball?" said Teyla, extremely skeptical of the merits of the game.

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, but all we have is a driving range, so ... yeah. As far as you can," said John.

He stifled a chuckle when Teyla assumed a position more akin to a baseball player's than a golfer's, bent over and hardly ideal. John was forced to move away from her on the backswing to avoid getting hit. She swung the club and the ball traveled surprisingly far, considering her complete lack of technique. "How was that?"

John nodded. "Not bad." He stepped up to his tee and instructed her on the finer points of a golf swing. Teyla, always a good student, studied his movements carefully. "If you move in closer and straighten up your carriage, stay loose, and swivel with your hips, everything will move smoother and you'll get more velocity behind your swing."

He settled his body into position and let his club rip through the air. His ball went sailing off the balcony, into the blue water, and Teyla was impressed with how far it had traveled.

She grabbed another ball and placed it on her tee. Club in hand, she did her best to mimic what John had done and the resulting swing was far and away better than her first.

Smiling, John congratulated her. "Nice hit. You're still a little stiff, though."

While John retrieved another ball for her, Teyla said, "This is not as bad as Ronon suggested."

"Of course, it isn't and you're better at this than he is." He set her next ball up and watched her try to settle her body properly, but despite her efforts, he thought she needed a hand.

"Wait. Hang on one second." He walked around behind her and enveloped her body with his arms. His body hugging hers, his hands reached around to meet hers. "Your hands ..." adjusting the alignment of her grip, "need to be ... there, just like that."

John released her hands and his traveled to her hips and said, "Feet a little further apart." Teyla's feet shuffled underneath her and John gave an approving, "Good."

Gently pushing his knee into hers, he said, "Keep them slightly bent and keep your weight a little more forward."

When his body pushed hers into perfect position, she was ready to go, but he didn't move away. Teyla,who had unabashedly enjoyed every second of his instruction, was highly aware of his body and she didn't want him to.

"This game is far more interesting than I originally thought, John," she said quietly, with a cocked eyebrow and a grin he couldn't see.

Her words woke him to the reality that he had remained far longer than would have been considered appropriate. His body protesting his mind's decision, his hands slowly released her and he stepped back a pace. Teyla swung. Her ball flew the furthest it had yet.

"How was that, John?" she asked.

John hadn't even seen how far the ball went. His eyes had remained glued on her.

"Definitely better than Ronon."

 

* * *

 

"Thank you for walking me home, John, but it really wasn't necessary," Teyla said as she hurried into her quarters. "I could radio Jennifer and let her know I won't be joining them this evening."

They had played for a while and then taken a walk along the east pier. But when Teyla had noticed the sun starting to set, she realized that it was her poker night and she had completely forgotten about it. She and John were having such a good time and she hated to cut things short, but he had been a good sport about it.

Hanging in the open door, John replied, "It's no big deal. I wouldn't want to get in the way of ladies' poker night. Could be dangerous."

"Dangerous?" she said, confused by the comment.

"I know some of the people you play with. Sergeant Mehra, Major Teldy. Banks, I've heard, is into kickboxing. And Doctor Keller."

"Jennifer?" Teyla smiled at the idea of the young, shy doctor being considered dangerous by anyone.

"She's the worst one. She's got the needles and gets paid to stab us with them," John joked. "I think I'm gonna play this one safe. We can do something some other time."

 

* * *

 

"And then what happened?" Jennifer asked, hanging on Teyla's every word. The entire group of ladies had long ago dropped their cards and were listening intently to Teyla's story.

"Nothing. He left."

"No!" The ladies covered their faces, sounding like a bunch of disappointed sports fans. A bowl of pretzels was tipped and flew into the air, raining down on the table of women.

Jennifer got up and started picking up.

Mehra had to throw in her two cents. "For somebody with Sheppard's reputation, he sure is taking his time."

"Dusty!" Teldy scolded.

"What?" she said with indignation. "Teyla's been around. She probably knows more about it than anybody."

Teyla, who was helping Jennifer and Amelia clean up, came to John's defense. "I believe the rumors about John are exaggerated."

"Yeah, my ex is always telling me the rumors about him weren't true, too," Dusty said.

The women collectively rolled their eyes. "Why are you always bringing him up?" Ann asked. "Either you love him or you hate him. You can't have it both ways."

Jennifer wasn't interested in yet another rehashing of Dusty's complicated relationship with her ex-husband. She was far more invested in the new developments with John and Teyla. Teyla was her closest friend in Atlantis and John was not only a good friend, but he was one of her best customers, next to Ronon. And they had finally made a little progress.  _That_  was what she wanted to hear about.

"One thing I want to ask!" she yelled above the din, drowning out the side chatter. "If Colonel Sheppard is, finally, starting to see the light, what on earth are you doing here?"

"I know if I had someone as hot as the colonel after me, I'd ditch all of you in a minute," Amelia put in.

Major Teldy asked Teyla, "Speaking of hot...what's Ronon's story? Is he seeing anyone?"

Teyla never got the chance to answer. She knew it wasn't necessary. The conversation had just gone off the rails.

Jennifer, with eyebrows raised in surprise, "You're interested in Ronon?"

"Not really, but he's easy on the eyes and he's one of the few guys around here I don't outrank," she claimed. "Military regs tend to tie my hands in the romance department."

Jennifer was skeptical. "I don't know. Ronon's kind of intense, don't you think?"

"I like intense," interjected Amelia.

"You're a tech, though. I figured you for a McKay intensity, rather than Conan the Barbarian," Dusty put in.

"McKay?" Amelia said, shocked at the very idea. "He's not exactly the kind of guy a girl fantasizes about."

"Don't be so hard on Rodney!" Jennifer said. "He definitely has his own way about things, but he's not so bad."

"You keep that in mind tomorrow when he's yammering in your ear," Dusty said.

Teyla asked, "What is tomorrow?"

"Sam, Rodney, and I are going to try and convince some villagers to move their settlement. It's on highly unstable ground and they're having a lot of health problems as a result of the heavy mining that been done in the area," Doctor Keller explained for Teyla's benefit.

Teyla pursed her lips and sighed. Jennifer understood how hard being on the sidelines was for her friend and being left out of the loop was yet another symptom of her problem.

The topic had moved on without Dr. Keller and Teyla. Jennifer leaned over to her and gave her arm a nudge. "It's not that late. I'll bet the colonel's still up," she suggested.

"Are you certain you wouldn't mind?" Teyla asked, trying not to appear too eager to get away.

"If you don't leave right now, I'll extend your medical leave," she lovingly threatened.

Teyla didn't need any more incentive. She quietly slipped out.

 

* * *

 

John's eyes lit up when he saw her standing at his door. He ran a hand through his hair.

"We finished up a little early and I wondered if you might want some company," Teyla said, with a nervous smile.

"Yeah. Absolutely," he answered, showing her in. "I'm just watching a movie."

Sitting on the couch in front of the television, she asked, "How is it?"

"Boring, mostly," he said as he slid next to her. "My mind hasn't really been on it. How was the game?"

"To be honest, I found it difficult to concentrate," she said, looking him in the eye.

His stomach knotted. "Really?"

"Yes, the other ladies can be very distracting," she answered with a smirk.

Eyebrows raised in understanding, he let out a slightly disappointed, "Oh," and made his eyes focus on the movie.

They sat in silence. Both had eyes on the TV screen, but neither was actually watching. John scooted a little closer to her and after a few minutes, he reached for her hand. She entwined her fingers through his and welcomed the touch by sliding closer to him and nestled against him.

Emboldened by her friends' encouragement, the sight of his handsome face, and maybe even the lateness of the hour, Teyla grew tired of tip-toeing around what had happened between them. She just wanted him.

"John?" she heard herself say, looking up at him and for the first time, noticing his expression.

He hadn't looked at her like in a long time, but she recognized the expression. It was the same one he had worn the first time he had kissed her. Hard and hungry.

"Do you really want to know what I've been thinking about all night?" she said breathlessly. Her heart was racing. "All I could think about was how much I wanted you to..."

She couldn't speak. Her heart was in her throat, but she didn't need to. John lowered his head and laid his lips on hers. Their kiss was slow and soft at first. Their lips moved in tandem, perfectly timed to complement the other. She was melting as his arms encircled her, holding her close.

Seized by a need to have him closer, Teyla placed her left arm around his neck and pulled him in closer, if that was even possible. Thrilling at the touch, John's kiss grew in intensity. His mouth opened and his body pushed her backwards until they were reclining on the couch together.

His hands caressed her face as his tongue tasted her lips and slipped in to touch hers. They couldn't get close enough. She reached for him and he responded by pressing his body onto hers, his hands sliding down to her waist, while he continued to lose himself in her lips.

Teyla ran her hands through his hair and he moved his focus to her bare neck. She moaned in pleasure, reveling in the sensation of his lips, his hot breath on her skin, and the very weight of him.

She slid her hands down his back, tucking her fingers under his shirt, needing to feel him, his skin. A groaned escaped him. Everywhere she touched him, he felt on fire. As her hands slid further up his back underneath his shirt, her nails were making light contact and sensations were rocketing through him.

The control he had spent his entire life developing was being taxed to it's limits, because all he wanted to do was lose himself in her. To become part of her and never to return. His arms ached to lift her up and carry her to his bed and truly make her his. But he couldn't silence a part of him. It nagged at the corners of his mind like an insect begging to be squashed.

"Teyla ..." he managed to say in a husky voice, prying his lips from hers for a moment. "... if we don't stop now, I don't think I'll be able to."

Breathing hard, he pulled his hands back up to caress her face. His lips found hers again.

"John ..." she moaned between kisses.

Stopping his assault on her lips, for a moment, he struggled for words, the right ones to explain. "Teyla," he said, reaching for air, "you haven't been out of infirmary very long. And after what happened, I don't want to ... I couldn't stand it if I hurt you."

She lay her forehead against him while her fingers clung to him. She understood, but that didn't make it any easier to let go now that she finally had him. She kissed him again and he returned it, passionately.

He broke away and his body reluctantly rolled away from hers as he sat back on the couch. He offered her his hand and helped her to sit back up. Panting, they leaned against each other, trying to bring their bodies back under their control.

"Do you wish me to go?" she asked, looking up into his eyes.

"No!" he protested, pulling her closer. "I want you to stay, as long as you want," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead. "But there's no rush. We have time to do this right. I'm not going anywhere."

They spent the night together, in each other's arms and Teyla couldn't remember having slept so peacefully. And when she woke up, he was there, still asleep with his head on the pillow, right next to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize there's an inconsistency in the timeline with "Whispers," but it's my universe. The Mehra ex-hubby thing came from an interview I read, saying that in a cut line from "Whispers," Mehra mentions having an ex-husband who she talks to too much.


	10. Stranded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to Midway.

_The Daedalus will be here soon. Ronon and Teal'c will take care of the Wraith and the Daedalus will come when they find out they can't contact Midway. Soon, and then another week and a half to Atlantis._

It had been over a week since he'd sealed himself inside and even through the bulkhead, John could still hear them. Kavanaugh's droning voice reverberated through the metal shell of the jumper. His nerves were frayed beyond recognition. He did his best to relax. He listened to music, tried to get some sleep. He was trained to deal with situations like this and he would this time, too, but before, he'd never had a reason to be somewhere else.

For all he knew, she thought he was dead. They hadn't been able to report to Atlantis before evacuating Midway station and without a stargate within range of the jumper, they had no way to send a signal to the city to let them know what had happened. They were stranded and there was nothing to do but wait for rescue.

_And apparently TALK!_

John rose from his chair and kicked the bulkhead door to the rear compartment. The resulting bang shook the walls of the jumper and made his foot throb, but the chatter from the back ceased, making it well worth the discomfort.

Hobbling back to the pilot's chair, John swiveled around and checked the sensor readings for the thousandth time. Nothing.  _Damn it!_

If his foot wasn't still hurting, he probably would've started pacing the cabin again, but instead he threw the headphones back over his ears and curled up in the seat.

There was no point in fighting time, so he closed his eyes and sought sleep again. At least things would seem to go faster. If he could just sleep ...

 

* * *

 

"We scooped them up and we're headed your way, Atlantis," Caldwell's voice said over the comms.

"Thank you, Colonel. We look forward to seeing you again," Sam said. The conversation ended and the blue pool of the event horizon disappeared. Everyone in the tower heaved a sigh of relief. They had managed to establish contact with Earth and knew that the Wraith threat had been dealt with, but there was no sign of the people they sent to the Midway station.

Sam supposed she had a visit to make. She left the control platform and entered the transporter.

Teyla had been spending most of her time, lately, in the gym with Ronon after receiving clearance from Dr. Keller to step up her activity level. But, she had hardly left her quarters in days. To Sam, it was totally understandable. For a while, her entire team was unaccounted for. She knew better than anyone the kind of bond that can develop between teammates.

Sam and the Athosian woman had both been thrilled when they had gotten word that Ronon and Teal'c were both safe on Earth, but Dr. McKay and Col. Sheppard were still missing. And if the rumors she had been hearing were true, Sheppard was no longer just a teammate.

She rang the bell to Teyla's door and heard a soft "come in" from the inside. Stepping through the threshold, she saw Teyla sitting on the floor in a meditation pose.

"Teyla?"

Teyla cocked her head toward Carter to indicate that she was listening, but she didn't turn around.

"The Daedalus just made contact. They're safe."

Seeing the tension in Teyla's body visibly dissipating, Sam asked, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Teyla smiled and said, "Of course not."

Sam sank to the floor and crossed her legs. No longer fearful of what Sam had to say, Teyla twisted her body so she and the colonel were face to face.

"Midway's been destroyed, so traveling by Daedalus, they won't be here for another week or so, but..."

"...they are coming," Teyla finished.

Grinning, Sam said, "Yeah." The two women took a moment to let the alleviation of their current worries wash over them.

Curious, Sam asked, "So ... you and Sheppard? Is it true?"

Teyla couldn't hide the mild surprise in her face or the beaming smile in her eyes at the mention of his name. "Does everyone know?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. You know how hard it is to keep a secret around here," Sam affirmed, adding with a wink, "although, McKay probably has no idea."

"Rodney ..." Teyla sighed in amusement.

"So, am I safe in assuming it's serious?" Sam asked. "Because, I don't believe John would risk your friendship on something that wasn't."

"I believe it is. We have not discussed it, but it is what my heart is telling me."

Nodding in approval, Sam said, "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Colonel."

The friends chatted for a while and when Sam finally left, she was honestly happy for the couple and more than a little envious.

 

* * *

 

Nearly two weeks later, John and the other errant members of the expedition were beamed down from the Daedalus. The second McKay's feet hit the ground, he made for his lab, mumbling something about incompetence and his lab being in one piece. Not for the first time, John was glad Rodney wasn't his boss. As for him, he knew he was in for meeting after meeting. There's nothing worse for the paperwork, than unexpectedly taking the better part of a month off.

Hours later and still no sign of Teyla, John's mind was wandering and he started to fidget. But getting away with that when you are one of only two people in the room is next to impossible.

"John," Sam said, calling for his attention.

"Sorry," he apologized.

Sighing, Sam set down her computer pad. "Why don't take the rest of the day off, John? We're about done here, anyway."

Without hesitation, he jumped up and said cheerfully, "Okay. I'll see you later."

"Wait! One more thing," she called.

"Yeah?"

"Sit down, John."

Glum, but curious, he took his seat and waited.

"Teyla's in the infirmary with Dr. Keller getting her final evals done. All signs are good though, that she's ready rejoin the team," Sam explained, but John was waiting for the bad news. "She needs to be reassigned, John."

Pursing his lips, he said quietly, "I know."

"I hate breaking up your team, but given your ... relationship ... it has to be done."

Scowling, but agreeing, John offered, "I was thinking she'd be a good fit with Major Lorne's team."

"I agree," Sam said with a nod. "He'll take good care of her."

"Is that all, Colonel?" John asked.

"We'll need to look through and see who's available to take her place, but it can wait."

Sheppard took that as a dismissal and marched out.

 

* * *

 

Rounding the corner to her quarters, Teyla startled when she saw him standing there, waiting for her. She wouldn't have thought it possible, but it had been so long since she'd laid eyes on him, she had forgotten just how handsome he was.

With a bright smile, she called to him. "John."

Busy staring at the floor, he hadn't seen her yet. "Teyla," he responded nervously. His eyes darted around the corridor, looking for any extra pairs of eyes watching them. When he didn't find any, he ran to her and embraced her.

"I missed you," he whispered in her ear and Teyla's heart felt like it was going to burst.

"I missed you, too."

Taking her hand, they walked to her door and went inside. No sooner had the door closed behind them, than his lips were on hers. He kissed her with a hunger that he never had before and she happily returned the kiss with all the fire in her.

Teyla's nimble fingers reached for the buttons on his uniform and undid them one by one, and John pried his hands away from around her body to shake it off.

"How'd it ... go ... with the doc?" he murmured, failing to stop kissing her long enough to speak. Maneuvering her against the wall, his breath coming hard and fast, he pushed her loose, copper-colored hair away from her neck to allow him better access.

"I am perfectly healthy," she gasped as his lips caressed her neck.

"Good."

In the nights following ladies' poker night, he'd gotten to know her body pretty well, but he'd never dared to push her or himself too far. But having to go so long without touching her, talking to her, or seeing her, John was ready to push.

He ripped off his t-shirt, lifted Teyla off her feet and carried her to the bedroom. After setting her down, he kicked off his shoes and laid down with her. Teyla reached for him greedily. The mere inch of space he'd left was far too much. She ran her hand up and down his bare chest, savoring the feel of his skin, as they met again.

They rolled around, tasting and enjoying each other, until John hit a roadblock. Teyla's top proved too difficult for his hormone-fueled brain to process. Teyla giggled at his frustration and removed the offending garment in seconds, leaving John stunned at the beauty of her bared chest.

He pulled her to him, sliding his chest against hers, and he groaned at the sensation. Returning his lips to hers, every cell of his skin was charged. He was completely unprepared for how this woman made him feel and he wanted so badly to show her.

Laying them back down on the soft sheets, his hand moved to her breast. Cupping it gently, his lips followed and sucked on her nipple. Teyla's back went rigid and strained toward him, as he began to assault her senses. He took his time, enjoying the noises coming from her.

He had keyed her up so swiftly and so well, after a few minutes, her hands were fumbling at his belt. She unbuckled it and went to work on his button and zipper. Once free, Teyla's hands had room to reach for their intended target. With his gorgeous, muscular body on top of hers, she slid her hands inside his pants and grabbed his behind.

John smiled at her enthusiasm and returned the favor. He reached between them and made quick work of her pants. Pulling off of her, he slid them off her legs and tossed them on the floor. He shimmied out of his, while Teyla watched in appreciation. Left in only his boxer-briefs, there was no hiding...well, anything.

"Take them off, John," Teyla seductively suggested.

He grinned ear-to-ear and obeyed orders like a good soldier would. Jumping back onto the bed, their bodies pressed together, John's finger slid to her hip, under the thin strap of lace, and removed her panties.

Both of their hearts pounded on and on, as they explored each other. They left no inch untouched and with every moan, every new sensation, they were only spurred on.

"John, please!" she cried, reaching her limit. She wanted him inside her so badly. "I need you!"

His eyes were pitch black as he stared into her and kissed her deeply. His tongue danced with hers and then, he pulled away. Teyla protested the sudden loss of him in her arms, but he was back in a second.

He tossed a wrapper at the trash and moved over her body, trembling. She could feel him pressing at her entrance.

His husky voice said to her, "If it hurts at all, I want you to stop me."

All she could do was nod. She clung to him as he slowly entered her. She gasped and he paused, mistaking her pleasure for pain.

"No, don't stop!" she begged.

He moved again, filling her up. She was so tight, he nearly came right then. He stayed as still as he could, allowing her body to adjust to him and fighting the temptation to do what his body was screaming for him to do. He watched the expressions rolling over her face and kissed her softly, as he started to move inside her.

It was a slow dance at first. They were one and they wanted it to last. Their hips rocked together as their fingers entwined.

"Teyla..." he growled as the tempo sped up. He could feel her tightening around him, her body tensing underneath him and he pushed harder into her.

The added pressure sent her over the edge and he continued to push into her as she cried in ecstasy. He wasn't far behind. Another few strokes and he groaned as his body released.

Unable to hold himself up anymore, he laid his head on her chest and her arms folded over him.

"God, Teyla," he murmured against her skin. "That was ..."

Words failed him. He lifted his tired head to kiss her lips. He moved to pull out of her body, but she stopped him. "Stay," she said, running her fingers through his hair. He neither had the ability nor the desire to deny her anything at that moment, so he stayed until he couldn't anymore.

 

* * *

 

John was sprawled all over the bed, tangled in her sheets. The sheets were soft against his bare torso and tried to lull him back to sleep. His outstretched arm searched for Teyla, but didn't have any luck. He peered through his sleepy eyelids and looked around the room. All he saw were the piles of discarded clothes and several used condoms in the trash.

"Teyla?" he muttered, too tired to properly mold his words into something intelligible. Listening for a response, but not getting one, John's ears tuned into a familiar hum. 

She's in the shower.

John smiled a sleepy, goofy smile to himself at the very dirty place his thoughts took him.


	11. The New Guy

"Capshaw's probably the best of the bunch," John said, thumbing through the thick file. He and Sam were in the conference room, reading out files to each other. "He spent a year with the SGC fighting the Ori, before coming to Atlantis ... Gene therapy didn't take ... Spent most of the last six months with Santiago, who, by the way, has written him a glowing and very touching recommendation."

"Do you know him?" Sam asked.

"Capshaw? Not very well. He keeps to himself for the most part," John said. "He's a 'by the numbers' sort of person, but he seems okay."

Sam was satisfied. "Well, if you're good with him, then so am I," she stated, tossing aside the thick brown file she held in her hands. "Hopefully, he's up to dealing with Ronon and McKay."

"I actually don't think Ronon'll be a problem. They spar together every once in a while," he informed her.

Sam nodded, but cautioned, "They might be okay in the gym, but we're talking about taking Teyla's place on the team. I don't see Ronon being too happy about it."

"He'll get over it," John said unconvincingly.

"By the way, how did Teyla take it? Shaking up teams is always hard, especially when you've had a team together for a long time like yours. It's like breaking up a family. I know from experience," Sam said.

Uncomfortable, he answered, "I haven't told her yet."

"John..."

"I know. I'm gonna tell her. I'm just waiting for the right time," he said making excuses.

Sam reminded him, "Orders are going to start hitting desks..."

"I know. I'll tell her."

 

* * *

 

John met Teyla in the gym. She was finishing up a session with Mehra, so he stayed back and watched. Mehra was a scrappy fighter, but bantos rods weren't really her strength. She took more after John's school of thought. The Shoot It Method. Simple, easy.

When the two women broke up, Dusty picked up her stuff and quickly made her way to the door. John said to Mehra, "Nice work, Sergeant."

None too pleased with her performance, she answered with a sullen, "Whatever, sir," and let herself out.

Smiling, Teyla asked John, "Did you come to try your luck? I promise I will prove much more of a challenge than the last time."

Wincing slightly at the memory, he shook his head. "I actually wanted to see if you wanted to get some dinner. There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Is everything alright?" she wondered.

"Yeah, it's fine," he said. He knew she wasn't going to take this very well. There were a lot of military policies that would never apply to the Athosians. They lived their entire lives under constant threat of the Wraith. They lived, loved, and fought by each other's sides no matter the sitaution or personal connection. Unlike the military's emphasis on discipline, efficiency, and order, where having a personal life is strictly limited and kept behind closed doors, the Athosian's personal lives were integrated into the village dynamic without a blink.

"You know what? Let's do it. Let's go," John decided.

Smiling, Teyla handed him her rods and retrieved another set from her things.

When they squared off, they fell back into their old rhythms. Attack. Counterattack. Over and over.

"You are holding back, John," she said.

Braced for the next onslaught, he cocked his eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"I do not know, but you are. I remember you hitting a great deal harder last time."

"That explains it. You weren't exactly thinking clearly last time," he said, playing off her observation and going on the offensive.

She was ready for him. As his rods flew at her, she parried and returned the blow with exquisite precision. With a swift smack to his left leg, she used a trick she had learned from Ronon and used her rods to knock John to his knees.

"God!" he swore at his rapid disarming.

"I told you, you were holding back," she said closing the distance between them. She stood over him and he took advantage of the view. Her leg appeared through the slit in her skirt and her flat stomach was at his eye level. His eyes grew dark.

"And you're getting over-confident," he said. With no rods left, he threw his arms around her and tackled her to the floor. They landed in a heap, with John sliding on top of her and she could feel that the game had changed.

 

* * *

 

"I thought we were going to have dinner," Teyla said with a laugh.

She and John were in his bed, naked and enjoying a little of the old afterglow. Teyla was lying on top of his chest. He kissed her and mumbled, "This seemed like a much better idea. Besides, we can still go get dinner if you're hungry."

"Do you have any popcorn?" she asked.

He laughed. "I think you've cleaned me out. If you're going to be spending more time here, I'm gonna need a bigger stash."

"You must see to that," she cooed in his ear, then she took his earlobe in her mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head as shivers ran down his spine.

"Didn't you wish to speak to me about something?" she breathed in his ear.

His blackened eyes opened and he rolled her onto her back. "It can wait," he growled as he attacked her lips and let his hands do his talking.

 

* * *

 

Teyla was supposed to meet John in the mess hall fifteen minutes ago for lunch, but an early sparring session with Ronon had thrown her off schedule. She hurried through the corridors of Atlantis, when she heard a voice calling behind her.

"Teyla, wait up!"

She recognized the tenor of Major Lorne's friendly voice and she halted long enough for him to catch up before she continued.

Walking side by side, she inquired, "What can I do for you, Major?"

"Nothing really. I just wanted to tell you that I look forward to working more closely with you and to welcome you to the team," said Lorne.

Confused, Teyla said, "I do not understand."

Evan continued on his cheerful manner. "I guess the colonel's finally decided that another team could really use your skills."

"Your team?" she asked.

"I assumed you knew. Orders came through this morning. Colonel Sheppard transferred you over to my team effective immediately," he explained, sensing he'd stepped in something as he watched her face cloud over.

"He did?" she said, looking shocked.

_Crap._

"You know, I probably jumped the gun a little. I'm sure he planned on telling you himself," he said, trying to smooth things over with little success.

"Would you excuse me, Major?" she asked quietly and a little too politely. It made his skin crawl.

"Sure," he answered as she left. As he watched her stalking down the hall, he had never been so glad he wasn't the colonel. If the shoe was on the other foot, he'd be in hiding about now.

The news of her transfer was still bounding through her head, when she reached the mess hall. Trying hard to compose herself, she looked around for John. She found him sitting at a table along the west wall with Rodney, his back toward her.

"Zalenka says it can't be done, but I said, 'Let someone who knows what their talking about try it.' Oh ... hey, Teyla." Rodney greeted her with a smile, blissfully unaware of her mood or the situation.

John spun around. "You okay?"

"I need to speak with you," she said, her voice eerily calm.

The pair walked through the mess. Keeping her voice under tight control, she wore a faint smile as a mask to the crowd of people surrounding them. "I was just speaking to Major Lorne in the hallway. When were you planning on telling me that I am off the team?"

John's eyes darted around at all the eyes around them. Keeping his voice low, he said, "I meant to tell you. I was going to tell you last night before we got ... sidetracked."

They passed through the doorway to the hallway, but they found no more privacy there. People crowded the passageway. Some were on their way to eat, some were leaving, but John was intensely aware that none of them seemed to be in a hurry to be elsewhere.

"I do not understand, John. Doctor Keller insists that I am fully ready to return to duty."

Shaking his head, he said, "This has nothing to do with you not being ready."

"Then why, John? What is this about?" she said, her voice rising. She was struggling to understand, to wrap her mind around the idea that the last mission she had been on with her team, so long ago now, was indeed going to be the last. "Why am I being left behind?"

He stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop. "Nobody's leaving you behind. You're gonna be out there doing the same things you've always done, just with a new team."

Shaking her head, she started down the hallway again. "You do not understand."

"What don't I understand?" he said, chasing after her. He could feel more and more eyes turning on them with every passing second.

When he got close enough, he grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. "Listen, the military has protocols. Rules that have to be followed and as long as we're doing...what we're doing, we can't be on the same team."

"And what is it we're doing, John?"

Caught off guard, he stammered, "We're ... you know ..."

She felt like he'd just punched her in the gut. She couldn't look at him anymore. She was too angry, too hurt.

Gathering himself, he continued on, trying to keep his voice down. He didn't think anyone could hear them, but he knew that it was blatantly obvious from their body language that things were not okay. "Having you with me would be a distraction. A liability. It could influence my decisions and people could hurt because of it."

"Let go of me," she ordered, pulling her arm free of his hand.

"Look, I should've told you. You shouldn't have found out like this and I'm sorry for that, but there's nothing I can do about that now."

Knowing the conversation had unraveled and salvaging it at this point was unlikely at best, John decided to end it as quickly as possible, the only way he knew how. "It's done, Teyla. You report to the stargate in the morning with the rest of Lorne's team. End of discussion."

Meeting his gaze, she spat out, "Yes ... Colonel."

He watched her walk away from him. Keenly aware of the stares of dozens of eyes on him now, he restrained himself from doing what he really wanted to do, which was put his fist through a wall.

 

* * *

 

In the jungle of M67-LH3, team Sheppard trudged through the heavy underbrush on their way to the stargate. They were hot and sweaty from the sauna-like temperature on top of being fully loaded with their usual gear and the local insects had developed an appetite. They were, in a word, miserable.

They had come here seeking an Ancient outpost, but all they found was an empty shell of a bunker that may have once belonged to the Ancients. There was nothing of value to take home, except themselves.

"Sorry we couldn't come up with something more exciting for your first mission with us, Capshaw. We must be a terrible disappointment," John said wryly.

"It's fine, sir."

"We'll try to come up with something better next time."

The blond marine didn't say much. John kept trying to engage him in conversation, though, because it kept McKay's opportunities to complain to a minimum and it gave his thoughts less free time to roam to more painful things.

"You get that scar of yours fighting the Ori?" John asked. He had seen Capshaw sparring with Ronon on a previous occasion and he sported a large scar on his chest. It ran all the way from his right shoulder to the left side of his ribcage.

"Jaffa, sir. Staff blast."

Rodney chimed in at that. "And you survived?"

"Apparently, Rodney," John joked.

Not appreciating the colonel's sense of humor, Rodney said, "Yes ... very funny."

"I got lucky," Capshaw said. "My team took a lot of fire, but they got me home and I spent a few months in recovery."

"Sounds like a good team," Ronon rumbled from the rear.

"Yep," said the marine, keeping his focus on his surroundings. "I'm sure this one is just as good, from everything I've heard."

"We're better," said Ronon pointedly.

Rodney decided the time was right to toot his own horn. "That's right, Mason. Do you mind if I call you Mason? You have the privilege of working with the best mind in the Pegasus Galaxy. And these guys are pretty good, too."

"Rodney...," John growled. "Don't make me shoot you."

"Your just cranky because you're fighting with Teyla," Rodney came back, snidely.

"McKay!" The fight was far too fresh in his mind to have the scientist poking his nose in it.

To Capshaw, Rodney quietly said, "He's not usually this touchy."

"The colonel's personal life is really none of my business," Mason said. "I just go where I'm ordered. The reasons don't really matter."

"What kind of attitude is that?" asked a perplexed McKay. "I wouldn't have a career if I had an attitude like that."

"It's a good thing I'm a soldier then, and not a scientist," said Capshaw. "For instance," he continued, "if I were a curious person, I might wonder why I was the one yanked away from my teammates to satisfy military protocol, because my commanding officer is sleeping with one of his."

McKay heard the sound of Ronon's stunner power up and Sheppard halted in his tracks.

"But I'm not. I go where I'm ordered. Like I said, the reasons don't matter. I'm here to do a job and I'll do the very best job I know how, no matter what."

Colonel Sheppard stalked toward the big marine and stopped inches away from his face. "Do you have anything to say to me, soldier?"

"No, sir. Just being clear, sir."

John's jaw tightened. He wanted to bury his fist into something and for a brief flash of time, he considered Mason Capshaw's face to be suitable, but he resisted the powerful urge.

Over Capshaw's shoulder, Ronon had pulled his stunner and was holding it to the back of the marine's head. "Put it down, Ronon," John ordered and to the entire team, he said dangerously, "This subject is closed. The next person breathing a word about it on official time will be taking the first gate back to the Milky Way. Am I understood?"

The only response he received was a trio of nods and that was good enough for him.

 

* * *

 

Colonel Sheppard was in his office. Major Teldy's team had just returned to base and the blue glow on his walls, reflected from the active stargate, disappeared. He was currently knee-deep in the team rotation schedules for the next two weeks. His desk was a mess, his was laptop was open, and his pen was scribbling furiously across the paper, when a soft tapping came at the door.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

John looked up. "Major. How'd it go?" he asked.

Teldy stood in the doorway, still fully geared up and armed. "We may finally have a lead on the Athosians."

John sat back in his chair and his expression darkened. "What have you got, Major?"

"Do you remember a man named Nabel? Michael's spy that Teyla and Dr. Keller found on New Athos?" she asked.

Sheppard nodded and she continued, "We think we know where to find him."


	12. Nabel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to The Kindred, Part 1.

"As you know, my team and I paid another visit to our friends from Lythera with the goal of furthering good relations with the people there," Major Teldy began. She stood in the conference room, briefing Colonels Carter and Sheppard. "As soon as we arrived, we could tell something was going on."

"They were a nervous bunch the first time we went there too," Sheppard said.

Sam nodded. "I remember reading that in your report."

"Well, it seems like they've decided to throw their hats in with us, because the town council asked to see us and had an interesting story to tell." Sitting down in a chair, Teldy leaned on the table. "It seems that a while back, the Lytherians were being threatened by our man, Nabel. They were forced to smuggle and store certain items for him or he claimed that he'd release a plague on the population."

"What kind of items?" Sam asked.

"Wraith tech, mostly. The villagers hid it in an underground bunker beneath the council building that's usually used to hide in during a culling," Major Teldy said. "Then several months ago—not long after your last visit, Colonel—Nabel removed the tech and the Lytherians were hopeful that they'd never lay eyes on him again."

"But no such luck?" he asked.

"He's been turning up recently with ... interesting company," the Major stated ominously.

John leaned forward. "Define interesting."

"All they would say was 'unnatural.' I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it can't be good."

The three exchanged looks. Sam asked, "More of Michael's experiments?"

"Probably," said Sheppard.

Sam sighed, deep in thought. "Has Nabel made any new demands?"

Ann shook her head. "Not so far. That's what they're afraid of. He's lurking there like he's just biding his time. They're in over their heads and were hoping we could help them."

"Okay," said Sam with a curt nod. "We've got to get our hands on him if we're going to have any chance of finding the Athosians."

 

* * *

 

Mason's chest burned, but he refused to quit. It had been over a year since it had happened. He was out of the hospital and fully functional, but the pain never went away. Not really.

Still, he lifted the weights. He had a set in his quarters that he dedicated himself to. They were only thing keeping him fit for duty. The Jaffa staff weapons had wreaked havoc on his muscular tissue. Without consistent, intense conditioning, his chest and shoulder would rapidly deteriorate and his career would be over.

Chuck's voice came through his earpiece. "Sergeant Capshaw?"

"Yeah," he said through gritted teeth, pushing through another rep.

"You have a message from Earth."

_Just a few more._

"Sergeant?"

His chest heaving, sweat pouring off his body, he surrendered to the voice in his ear and set down his free weights.

"Yeah, okay," he said breathlessly. "Thanks, Chuck."

Toweling off, he meandered over to the bed. He flopped down and reached to pull the laptop off the end table, which sat surrounded by a half-empty glass of water, a bottle of prescription pills, and a photo.

Computer settled into his lap, he powered it up and pulled up the message.

Larry Talmadge. Great.

Talmadge was the family lawyer and, in Mason's opinion, a complete jackass, but his mother had liked him and had known him since she was high school, so Mason tolerated him. Capshaw read the brief message.

_"Hey there, kid. Just wanted to let you know we've completed the sale on your mother's house. I know it's taken a long time, but with the way the economy's been these days, you can't expect miracles."_

Mason glanced over at the photo on his end table. It was him and a middle-aged blonde woman to whom he bore a striking resemblance.

_"I have your account information on file here, and I'll see to it that the money gets transferred on Monday. It'll be good for you, you'll see. Now that this business is done, you can finally move on. Your mom was a special woman and she's been missed by a lot of people around here. If you ever need anything else done, don't hesitate to call my office ..."_

Capshaw shut the laptop and reached for his pill bottle.

 

* * *

 

Fresh back from her inaugural mission with Major Lorne, Teyla was tired. If things were normal, she would shed her gear, drop by the infirmary, then make plans with Ronon or Rodney or John. That had been her routine for nearly five years. But everything was different now.

She was friends with Major Lorne, but they had never spent a great deal of time together off-duty, and she didn't know the others in her team yet. She was at a loss as to what to do. It seemed these days she was always at a loss for something.

Except when she was with John. He had made her better. At he had until two days ago, when he'd pulled the rug out from under her.

She wandered through the corridors of Atlantis on her own and out to the nearest pier. The sun shone down on her and warmed her face. She let breeze wash over her and wished it would blow her heartache away, but she knew she wouldn't find any solace in the wind and went home.

She curled up on her couch with a book Jennifer had loaned her, but the romantic nature of the story only tortured Teyla all the more. She slammed it shut when the doorbell rang. She rolled of the couch and waved her hand over the door control.

"Colonel," she said coolly.

John cleared his throat. The sight of his fidgety limbs was mismatched against the professional tone of his voice. "Can I come in?"

She stepped aside for him. He stood in the living room, clearly uncomfortable, as though he'd never been there before.

They awkwardly faced each other.

"I, uh, have some news," he said. "We got a tip on Michael's spy, Nabel. We're leaving early in the morning to go back to Lythera."

Teyla hardly dared to believe her ears. "Nabel? He is on Lythera?"

"Yeah," he said lowering his head. "You were right about them. Maybe if I'd listened to you before, we would've ... things could've been different."

"I want to go with you, Colonel. He might know where to find my people," she insisted.

"That's what we're hoping," he nodded. "Lorne and Teldy's team will be going along as backup, so ... you'll be there." John pursed his lips and said sincerely, "We're not going to let him get away again."

"Thank you, John."

It was a relief to him when she used his name. Listening to her refer to him as 'Colonel' would never be the same. It had never bothered him before, but it did now.

In an attempt to crack the ice between them, John asked, "H-how did things go with Lorne's team?"

"Major Lorne has been very kind and welcoming and the others are quite friendly. How is Sergeant Capshaw getting along?"

"You know him?" John was curious as to where she fit into Capshaw's views.

"I'm afraid not, but Major Santiago and his former teammates have told me nothing but good things. They are very fond of him. I am certain he will be a good man to have with you," she answered with a hint of defeat in her voice.

But John couldn't see their new recruit in such pleasant light. "That's what I've heard, but I don't see it. So far, he's been pretty abrasive. He even makes McKay seem subtle."

"I can understand that," she said softly. "Perhaps he feels as I do. As though he has lost his family."

The knife in his stomach that he'd been walking around with for days twisted. A pained expression radiate over John's features. "Teyla, you haven't lost us. Ronon. McKay. Me. It's just a simple team rotation. It happens all the time. Nothing's changed."

"It may be nothing to you, John, but it means something to me," she impressed upon him. "I do not understand. My people would never dream of separating those who cared about each other."

"Teyla, I don't have a choice. Believe me, there's no one I want out there watching my back more than you, but with all due respect, we aren't in an Athosian village. This is the U.S. military and things are very, very different." He took another step toward her. "Every person in this city is trusting me with their lives. No one should ever have to question whether my decisions are based on what's best for everyone and what's best for me."

His hands surrounded her arms and lightly ran up and down their length. "It's necessary because, looking at your face right here and right now, I can't honestly say I wouldn't let it affect me."

"What do you want me to say, John?"

"I want you to tell me what you want. Say the word and you're back on the team. Lorne can take Capshaw and I'll square things with Col. Carter. It'll be just you, me, McKay, and Chewie again. But we won't be together. You can't have it both ways. You need to make a decision. It's me or the team."

Teyla heard his voice waver and lifted her head to meet his gaze. Real worry was etched in his face and a hint of  _fear_. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen fear on his face and it confounded her.

"I don't want to lose you, Teyla."

She looked into his eyes. "It is a terrible price to pay."

He moved a hand to brush her cheek. "I know."

"But I will pay it," she said as a lump formed in her throat. "For you."

He pulled her to him. She rested her head on his chest as he held on tight.

 

* * *

 

It was shortly after dawn on Lythera when the Atlantis teams hit the ground. As the last man passed through and the event horizon dissipated, Colonel Sheppard issued orders.

"Chelios, Luther, and White, you stay here and guard the gate. Anyone comes through or tries to get by you, I want to know about it. And keep your eyes peeled. We have no idea what we may be coming up against. Everyone else, you're with me."

Those remaining behind took up their positions as the rest began the march toward the village. Sheppard's team took point with McKay taking up the safest position he knew, right in the middle of all the heavily armed soldiers. Lorne, Teldy, Mehra, Vega, and Teyla rounded out the circle.

It was just over two miles from the gate to the village and it was a windy morning. Every sway of the surrounding tree branches rattled McKay. He was pulling out the life-signs detector every thirty seconds or so.

"Anything, McKay?" Lorne asked.

"Nope," Rodney declared for the fourth time. "Just us."

Capshaw smiled to himself. "Is he always this nervous?"

Ronon shrugged. "Pretty much."

"Good to know," Mason said. "You'd think he'd be used to this sort of stuff by now."

"Nervous works for McKay," said Sheppard, overhearing them.

Capshaw raised his eyebrows, taking in the interesting information. Ronon was the only one here that he knew and his knowledge of the Satedan was limited to the gym. Everything he knew about his new team he'd heard through third parties. He figured most of it was exaggerated like a lot of the gossip running around the city, but he wondered at the truth behind the stories. The Colonel and Teyla were supposed to be in this crazy passionate love affair, but he hadn't seen them exchange so much as a word all morning. He saw two professionals doing a job, nothing more.

Starting his search for answers, he asked the big warrior, "Tell me, Ronon, in the jungle the other day ... was that the first time you've pulled a gun on a comrade?"

"I thought you weren't a curious person," Ronon mumbled.

"I lied."

Ronon's brow furrowed as he looked Capshaw over. Then he said, "Not the first time."

"They dead?"

"Some of them."

"Then I'm a lucky man, aren't I?"

"Yep."

Sheppard butted in. "We're almost there."

They fell silent and their minds went back to the business at hand.

The group moved through the village quickly and made their way to the bar. Colonel Sheppard motioned for Teldy to join him in the front of the group as they filed into the building slowly. There were a few customers already getting soused, despite the early hour, and the owner was wiping glasses out behind the bar.

Major Teldy approached the gruff-looking man. "Where is he?"

He indicated with a curt nod of his head the upstairs. John's raised following the indicated direction. The location reminded him of an old saloon out of the Old West. Bar on the first floor, rooms upstairs. He just hoped this wouldn't turn into the O.K. Corral.

Ronon was uneasy beside him. His eyes and ears were glued to the level overhead.

Sheppard asked the bar owner, "How many are with him?"

The man quietly said, "There are three others. Watch out for them. They are ..."

"... unnatural," John finished. "We've heard. Get these people out of here."

The barman moved from behind the bar, but he didn't get far.

Ronon shouted, "Gun!" just before all hell broke loose. The lower level was sprayed with bullets, shattering windows, glasses, and striking the unlucky owner. The Atlantis personnel scattered, seeking cover from anything they could find, overturning tables and furniture. Ronon, Capshaw, and John leaped over the bar.

"P-90 fire!" John yelled above the din.

The man above ceased firing at random, now that the element of surprise was lost and his prey had scattered. While he was seeking his next target, the sound of a crashing window came from above and John saw two men leap to the ground outside. One human, one...not quite.

Knowing that their target was trying to make an escape, John couldn't let him get away. He'd made a promise to Teyla and he wasn't about to break his word to her.

"Lorne! You and Teldy take care of this. Capshaw. Vega. You're with me! Ronon. Cover fire," he ordered.

As the colonel and his companions made a run for the exit, the remaining soldiers opened fire on their attacker. John heard the noise of the gunfire behind him as he chased Nabel into the village.

 

* * *

 

Ronon waited for it. The clicking sound of an empty clip. As soon as he heard it, he leaped to his feet and fired a single shot from his stunner. The man fell in a crumpled heap above them.

Using all due caution, they all started to emerge from their positions. McKay peered out of from underneath a table and asked, "Did we get him?"

"It appears so, Rodney," Teyla answered, slowly lowering her weapon.

Major Lorne and Ronon were moving up the stairs to make certain, followed closely by Sgt. Mehra. Evan clipped his P-90 to his TAC vest and retrieved his glock. Ronon, his stunner drawn and pointed at the fallen enemy, he kicked the man's foot.

Lorne, getting a good look at his face for the first time, said uneasily, "Careful, Ronon."

Then, on cue, like something out of a horror movie, the 'man' sprang to life. He pulled a pistol and fired it at the Satedan hovering over him.

Only Ronon's lightening fast reflexes saved him from taking the blast full to the gut, but it wasn't enough. The bullet flew into his side and he went down with a primal yell.

"Ronon!" Teyla screamed from below.

Lorne reacted by executing the enemy with the cold lethality of a well-trained soldier. Two to the chest, one to the head.

Dusty yelled down, "Who's got the med kit?"

"I've got it!" Rodney responded.

"Get up here, McKay!" she fired back, her hands already soaked in Ronon's blood as she applied pressure to the wound.

 

* * *

 

Sheppard, Capshaw, and Vega sprinted through streets of the small village. He was grateful that there were few people out, because he didn't want to have to open fire in the middle of a crowd of innocent civilians.

Suddenly, the two men disappeared. The trio came to a halt.

"Where'd they go?" Vega asked.

John scanned the vicinity. Houses, fences, wagons, haystack, a barn. They were hiding somewhere.

"Fan out," he ordered.

They drew their weapons and started in different directions, each on the hunt.

"Nabel!" John yelled. "You're not going to make it. We've got the gate surrounded!"

Nothing.

The silence was shattered as John heard gunfire and Vega screamed in his ear, "I'm under attack!"

John raced in the direction she had gone. He found her with a man on top of her, his hands closed around her throat. She was scrambling to reach her sidearm which had been knocked just out of her reach. Sheppard could hear her gasping for air.

He raised his glock, but before he could pull the trigger, he was hit from behind with a thick chunk of fire wood, knocking his world off its axis.

 

* * *

 

"Dial the stargate and radio Atlantis. Tell we need immediate medical assistance. Ronon's been shot," Teldy spoke into the comms. The pool of blood around Ronon's prone body was growing by the second.

"How did they get our weapons?" Major Teldy asked.

"New Athos," Teyla responded. "Nabel emptied the weapons cache that was left for my people."

"We need to clear these rooms, Major," Lorne reminded her. "McKay, you stay here and assist Sergeant Mehra."

"But I'm not a doctor! What can I do?" he said, clearly freaking out.

"Do I look like a doc to you, McKay? Just hold this and shut up," she finished, shoving her gun into his hands. "Cover me."

With Doctor McKay sorted, Lorne said, "Teyla, you and the Major and I will go through these rooms and make sure we got em all."

Teyla readied herself and they stalked down the hallway. Major Teldy went through the first door, as Major Lorne repeated the process the next door down. Teyla brought up her gun and turned the knob on the third door.

It was dark inside, despite the now brightly burning sun outside. The curtains were drawn, blocking most of the light. Teyla squinted, waiting for her eyes to adjust.

A quiet, deep voice spoke to her from the shadows. "Teyla?"

She was immediately on edge. "Who are you?" she asked, her trigger finger tensing.

The voice came again from the corner of the room. "Can you not tell?"

He pulled open the curtains and Teyla recognized him. Sort of. He was different.

"Golian?"

 

* * *

 

John came to when Nabel landed a kick to his stomach. Finding himself under attack, he fought back. The pair wrestled, while Vega gave up on her weapon and resorted to a different tactic. She jammed her fingers into her attacker's eyes and, yelling in pain, the man released her neck.

Coughing and sputtering, she took advantage of her freedom and dove for her gun. Suddenly, he was top of her again. She was face down in the dirt and he had her trapped.

Vega heard gun shots ring out behind her and the massive body on top of her slumped over. She wriggled away, rolled over, and saw Capshaw.

"You okay?" he asked her, his face grim. He held his hand out to her, helping her to her feet.

"Yeah."

He turned his attention to his commanding officer, who was having an easier time of it. Seeing the colonel had recovered and was more than holding his own with the slimly-built Nabel, Capshaw called out, "Do you want me to shoot him, sir?"

John landed a punch to Nabel's jaw. "We need him alive, Sergeant."

When the spy kept on fighting, Mason added, "I know that, sir, but I was thinking kneecaps."

At the sound of that threat, Nabel ceased his pointless struggling and threw his hands in the air. "Alright, alright! Don't shoot!"

"It's about damn time," John said, rubbing his jaw.

 

* * *

 

"Golian?!"

He put his finger to his lips and said, "Shh. I'd like to talk to you and it would be very helpful if we weren't interrupted." He slowly put one foot in front of the other, his hands in the air, but always moving toward her. "You look lovely Teyla. It's been far too long."

"Golian, what has happened to you?" she asked. "You were taken ..."

"Yes," he said, "Michael's henchmen came into the village and stunned most of us. A few fought. Kanaan fought and look where it got him."

Teyla looked at her friend's face. It was so different. Wraith-like.

"Did Michael do this to you?"

"Yes. He's made me better," Golian told her with total surety. "I am so much more than I once was. So should you have been."

"He was ... disappointed you weren't among us. Among your own people," Golian added with a bitter aftertaste.

"The people of Atlantis can help you, Golian. They can help you and the rest of our people," she said hopefully, but she knew that this was not the man she had once known and shared meals with. Whatever Michael had done to him, it had truly changed him.

Golian had inched his way toward her. He was so close now, she could see every detail of the change in him. The paler skin, the slits, even his eyes were different. She flinched when he inhaled deeply, like he was smelling her. Her skin crawled.

"I always told Kanaan that you weren't meant to be his. You never returned his affections with quite the same intensity and now I know why," he commented, taking on an almost drunken countenance. "I can smell him all over you."

Teyla took in a sharp breath.

"Did you even wait until after the funeral rites were performed before you jumped into bed with the Colonel? Did you give Kanaan any thought at all?" he hissed.

"Do not pretend you have any care for Kanaan, Golian. You belong to Michael now. You have no care for anyone," Teyla said indignantly.

He smiled. "As always, my beloved leader, you are right."

Before Teyla could react, with his unnatural reflexes, Golian grabbed an empty bottle off of the nearby table and slammed it into her head.

 


	13. The Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to The Kindred, Part 2 and a reference to The Return, Part 1.

"McKay, thank God," said John, speaking into his earpiece. "We've got Nabel. What's going on over there? I can't get anybody on the comms."

Rodney's answer came out as a frantic whisper. "Well, Ronon's been shot, so he isn't really in the mood to talk." As McKay paused, John could hear his wounded friend yell in the background and Mehra pleading with him to hold still.

"Rodney! Is he alright?"

"Um, no, but we've called for a jumper. Hopefully they'll be here soon."

"What about Lorne and Teldy?" John had also tried Teyla, but that had also ended in silence. He was afraid to ask.

"They're checking the place, making sure there aren't anymore hybrids lurking around," McKay informed him.

"Hybrids?"

"Yeah, that's what they look like, anyway. Wraith/human hybrids," explained Rodney.

"Okay, fine, but that doesn't explain why no one's answering the comms," pushed the colonel. "I've got one dead hybrid here. How many have you got?"

"One."

The hair on the back on John's neck stood up. "Rodney, the owner said there were  _three_!"

He could hear the worry in McKay's voice. "Oh, crap."

John hastily turned to his companions. Nabel lay on the ground thoroughly tied up.

"Vega, you wait here and guard this guy. A jumper will be here before long and we'll pick you up. If he moves," John said to her, but glaring harshly at the prisoner, "that kneecap thing is back on the table."

"Yes, sir," replied Vega with a glint in her eye.

"Let's go, Capshaw," he ordered.

 

* * *

 

Teyla could feel the blood trickling down her face. She kept her eyes closed and tried to feel out what kind of shape she was in. She couldn't feel any obvious pain besides the pounding in her head. Her face was planted on the floor, her arms bound behind her. She tested the knots tying her, but they held fast.

She listened for Golian. A footstep, a breath, anything, but she heard nothing. She dared to open her eyes and was alarmed when she was met with the sight of Major Lorne laid out next to her.

"Major," she whispered, rolling her body, trying to get her legs beneath her. She propped herself onto her knees and scooted closer to Evan. "Major," she said again. "You must wake up."

"I am afraid the Major will not be able to hear you for some time, Teyla," Golian stated from the doorway. He had Major Teldy slung over his shoulder and set her gently down next to Lorne. "So stubborn, these Lanteans. They refused to come quietly, although I have to admit I would've been disappointed if they had."

Golian leaned over Major Teldy and began to tie her hands behind her back. "They are a brave people. I can see why you are so fond of them."

"What do you plan to do?" Teyla wondered.

"I will do as my master wishes. Reunite you with your people," the hybrid told her. "He speaks of you often. He longs to have you at his side, to see his great plans for galaxy come to be."

Teyla's stomach turned.  _Michael._

"The gate is being guarded, Golian, and more from Atlantis are on their way here now. You will never escape here. You have nowhere to run," she said. "Please, let them help you. They can return you to the way you were."

He sneered at her. "Why would I want that? I am more powerful than ever and I have a clarity of purpose that did not exist before." He shook his head. "You will see. You will be magnificent and you will no longer have the need or the desire for the company of outsiders over the Athosian people."

"I have never abandoned the Athosians," she defended herself.

Golian's back went rigid and he backhanded her. She was blinded with pain for a moment as the nerves in her face screamed. She tasted blood. "Do not lie to me, whore! You are the leader. You were meant to have been on New Athos with us. For all your words of loyalty to us, your dress, your actions,..." he inhaled her once again, "...your very scent tells of your true loyalties."

The hybrid rose, placing the weapons he pilfered from Teyla's fallen allies, into his waistband. He grabbed her arms and yanked her to her feet. "It's time to go home, Teyla," he stated.

"You will never make it," she said."

"Then, one way or another, neither will you."

Taking in the threat, she said sadly, "You have gone mad."

The hybrid chuckled as he led her out into hallway, placing the barrel of a gun to the base of her skull.

 

* * *

 

"Oh, crap," Rodney said, ending his short conversation with Sheppard.

"What?" asked Ronon from the floor. The Satedan had broken a sweat and his limbs had begun to tremble.

"We've got company. Sheppard says there's one more hybrid unaccounted for," Rodney said ominously. "And Lorne and Teldy aren't responding to the comms."

Mehra frowned and pulled her blood-soaked hands away from Ronon's wound. "Give me my gun, McKay," she ordered. Rodney handed it over and Dusty stood up. She placed herself in between the men and the silent hallway and readied herself for anything.

Through gritted teeth, Ronon repeated Mehra's request to the scientist. "Give me my gun."

Rodney, afraid and concerned, shook his head. "You're in no shape to be ..."

"Give me my gun, McKay, and help me up," Ronon insisted. "Please."

Not knowing if he was doing the right thing, McKay placed the big stunner in Ronon's hand and assisted him in getting up. Ronon's legs were unsteady underneath him and he leaned heavily on Rodney to remain upright, but he gathered his remaining strength and raised his weapon.

The silence of the hallway did not last more than a minute before they heard the sound of shuffling feet.

Cautiously, Mehra called out, "Major?"

When she received no response, Dusty's grip tightened on her weapon and her body tensed. "Whoever it is, come out with your hands up or I  _will_  shoot!"

Closer now, the feet stopped and a familiar voice called out. "Dusty! It's Teyla! Don't ..."

Hearing Teyla's cry being cut off short, Ronon shouted to the hallway, "Come out, you coward!"

A rough, but musical voice spoke from around the corner. "Ronon Dex. It's been a long time." Golian rounded the corner, shifting the gun to Teyla's throat and his arms had webbed around her body.

"You don't look well, Ronon," the hybrid commented.

"Golian," Ronon growled.

"You know this guy?" whispered McKay.

"Ronon has been a great friend to the Athosians. When he lived with us on New Athos for a short time over a year ago, his tent was near mine. We spoke often," Golian filled in. "How have you been, my friend?"

"Fantastic," he said, his voice loaded with venom. "Now let her go or I'll cut your heart out."

With a sadistic chuckle, Golian said, "You have not changed, Ronon. Now ..." his mood wildly shifted and he yelled, "Throw your guns down!"

Teyla gasped in pain as the mad hybrid shoved the gun harder into her lower jaw and dug his fingers into her skin. "Now!"

Not willing to risk Teyla's life, Mehra's jaw clenched as she slowly, reluctantly lowered her weapon. "Ronon, put it down."

"No!"

"Ronon!"

"It's alright, Ronon. Do as she says. It will be alright," Teyla with a frantic edge in her voice, trying to reassure her friend and herself. She was trying to remain calm, but when you are in the arms of a madman with a gun to your head, calm is the last emotion that pops to the surface. She could feel the terror in the pit of her stomach and tears forming in her eyes.

And seeing the battle in her face, Ronon was enraged, but he complied. He let his stunner fall to the wood platform at his feet.

"Good, now everyone, down the stairs," Golian commanded.

 

* * *

 

"McKay," John said into his radio. "McKay, come in. Mehra. Ronon."

He and Capshaw were crouched across the way from the tavern. They had staked out a home that was now deserted. A fresh breakfast lay barely touched on the table behind them. John assumed that the family had cleared out when the shooting had started.

From their hidden vantage point, visibility into the building was limited and they couldn't see any sign of their team. The place appeared deserted.

Capshaw had pulled the magazine from his sidearm and did a quick bullet count before replacing it into his weapon with an almost imperceptible click. With a furrowed brow, John pulled his gun and took a deep breath.

"What's the plan, sir?" Mason asked.

Sheppard tilted his head toward the old building and with a cock of his eyebrow, he said, "I suppose I could just go knock on the front door."

Capshaw cracked a smile in spite of himself and in spite of the likely serious situation they found themselves in. But the lightened mood didn't last.

They started hearing a pounding sound, like someone banging on a door, and Teyla emerged through the front entrance. Her hands were bound behind her back and her body was entrapped by a hybrid, who clung to her like a leech.

"Damn it!" John swore to himself. Priming himself for actions, he turned to Capshaw. "Stay here and stay in radio contact."

"Where are you going?"

"To stop him," Sheppard said with anger flaring in his expression. "And Capshaw, if you get a shot, you take it."

"Yes, sir," acknowledged the marine. As his commanding officer ran off to save the damsel in distress, Mason unclipped his P-90 and got in position. Staring down his sights, he waited.

 

* * *

 

She was on her own now. With Dusty, Rodney, and Ronon locked in the tavern's kitchen, she couldn't count on anyone for help. She thought if she could just stall until the jumper arrived, maybe there was a chance. But under no circumstances was she going through that gate with Golian. Even if it cost her her life. She would rather die than become like him.

Teyla struggled, but her mobility was severely crippled by the ropes around her hands and the devastating strength in the hybrid's arms. All she did to fight him, tossing her body, kicking out a him. It made little difference. It only made him laugh.

"Surrender, Teyla. It is destiny. Things were always meant to be this way."

"I've always found this destiny stuff to be a little overrated," John quipped. He appeared out from behind the nearby house and stood in the hybrid's path, his gun trained on them.

"Colonel Sheppard," Golian said. "I expected you earlier. After all, where Teyla is you always seem never to be far behind."

"Well, sorry about that. I got held up," Sheppard fired back. He could see the trail of blood down her face and bruises already forming. Without taking his eyes away from the hybrid, he asked, "Teyla, you alright?"

She gave a hurried nod, as Golian began to drag her backward toward the tavern wall, seeking cover.

"Cagey bastard," John heard Capshaw in his ear. "I can't get a shot."

To his own frustration, he was having the same problem. Golian had managed to cover his rear with the old building itself and for a former Athosian farmer, he was using Teyla's body as cover like a seasoned war veteran.

John inched his way closer. "Let her go!"

"She doesn't belong to you, Colonel! She belongs to the Athosian people and to our master."

The idea of Teyla being in Michael's clutches made his temper flare. Seeing this  _thing_  with his hands on her was bad enough, but it was nothing compared to what Michael would visit upon her. "You're not taking her anywhere!"

Golian wasn't intimidated by the Colonel and he wasn't going to back down. "Then I hope you're prepared to live without her, because I WILL KILL HER!" he snarled, moving his clawed hand to her throat and digging in. Teyla's body seized in reaction to the sudden pain and she cried out.

John shouted, "Teyla!" and searched for an exposed inch of flesh on the hybrid. Anything he could pump a bullet into without hitting Teyla.

A new voice spoke to him through the comms. "Colonel Sheppard. We are through the gate with the doc. We'll be at your position in under a minute."

"Understood," he answered loud enough for the hybrid to clearly hear him. "Have weapons at the ready."

To the hyper-vigilant Golian, John said triumphantly, "The cavalry's here." Sheppard spoke into his radio again. "Capshaw, get out here."

In seconds, Mason was in plain sight with his P-90 trained on the hybrid. "There's nowhere to go. No more games," John put things down for Golian, with his teeth clenched and his building rage reaching a boiling point. "You let her go, now! Or I will kill you!"

Through her fear, Teyla tried to reason with her former friend one last time, "Golian, it's not too late!"

"Yes, it is."

Golian sensing his time was up, tensed to fire. Teyla's eyes widened, knowing what was next. She looked to John and he knew it, too. The partnership they had developed through years of being in the firing line together gave them the ability to read each other unmistakably. She said a silent goodbye to her love and closed her eyes. That's when she heard the shot and she fell.

"Teyla!" she heard John scream and she could hear his feet hitting the ground as he ran toward her. As if it were in slow motion, she moved her arms out from under Golian's limp body as John reached her. He dragged her away from the dead hybrid and took her face. "Are you alright?"

She didn't remember responding, but she must have, because John's face flushed in relief. He even managed a half-smile, before he asked where the rest of the team was. She pointed to the tavern and managed a small, "... locked in the kitchen ..."

"Capshaw, the kitchen," John ordered and the marine ran inside to free his teammates. Sheppard's hands returned to her face, examining her wounds for himself, reassuring himself. Teyla turned to look at the scene behind her. Golian's body lie still and she saw the hole in his forehead.

"What happened?" she shakily asked John.

"It doesn't matter. It's over," he said, holding onto her, as the jumper flew overhead.

 

* * *

 

John stood like a sentry outside the infirmary. Fortunately, most of the damage done on the planet was superficial and nearly everyone had already been treated and released. But Ronon was still in surgery. When Ronon was loaded onto the jumper, he was barely conscious and John was going to wait until he got some good news from Doctor Keller, before he even considered being elsewhere.

"Sir?"

John turned to the right, to where Mason Capshaw was standing. "Mind if I join you?"

When the colonel didn't object, Capshaw took up his own place, holding up the walls. The two men stood together, waiting.

"Where's McKay?" asked Capshaw.

"He went to go grab us some coffee. He'll be back in a minute."

"Huh," he said, mildly surprised.

Puzzled by the marine's reaction, he asked, "What?"

"It's nothing. I just haven't figured him out, yet," answered Capshaw casually. "He's strange, you know?"

John smiled. "That's McKay."

"I just mean, one minute he's arrogant and self-possessed and then ... he isn't. Strange," he said with a shake of his head.

They went back to listening to the sounds of the city. People milling about, the chatter filling the hallways, the hum of the machines keeping the city functioning. Rodney returned with a couple of cups of coffee and the trio waited.

Finally, Jennifer came out and they got their good news. "He's going to be fine. There was surprisingly little organ damage. We just needed to take care of the damaged blood vessels and ... well, you know ..."

"Thanks, doc," said John.

"Happy I could help," she offered with a bright smile.

McKay questioned, "When can we see him?"

"Soon. They're still taking care of the post-op necessities, but I'll come and get you when it's time, okay?"

The men agreed and Doctor Keller went back inside to tend to the last few details of her patient's care.

McKay excused himself. "I'll, uh, take first watch. I just go grab my computer and something to read, okay?"

With Sheppard's approval, the scientist made his way down the corridor. Capshaw meant to follow suit and make himself scarce, but he had one more thing he felt like he should say.

Facing Sheppard, he pointed out, "You took a helluva risk taking that shot, sir. You could've killed her."

"Thanks for reminding me," John said, clearly not appreciating the reminder of earlier events. The decision to fire had been one of the toughest of his career. Disobeying orders in Afghanistan, choosing to go on missions that had a slim likelihood of survival, those had been a piece of cake compared to pointing a gun at Teyla, praying that his aim wasn't off by so much as a millimeter, and pulling the trigger.

"I look forward to working with you in the future, sir," Capshaw said and offered the colonel his hand. Accepting the peace offering, such as it was, John shook Mason's hand.

 

* * *

 

After seeing that the prisoner was safely tucked away, John was finally free of his duties. He entered Teyla's room and called out to her. He didn't get an answer, but he could hear the shower running.

He staked out a place on her couch, thumbed through a book, and wound up waiting for twenty minutes for her come out before he decided to let himself in.

She was leaning against the wall with her eyes closed, letting the water run over her.

"Teyla," he said softly, breaking down the wall of silence she had gotten lost in. Without moving her body, she turned her neck to look at him. She had a split lip and bruises covering nearly the entire right side of her face. And John's eyes ran along her naked body, seeing the finger-shaped bruises mottling her arms and her neck and rope burns around her wrists.

He entered the shower, the water immediately soaking into his clothes. He gently laid his hands on her arms, careful to avoid causing her any pain, and leaned against her.

"You hurting?" he asked quietly.

"It's alright, John."

He placed a kiss on her shoulder and neck. He pulled off his wet shirt and tossed it to the floor. He ran his hand up and down her back, gently massaging her battered muscles. Teyla moaned softly in deep appreciation for his ministrations.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I almost lost you, today." He buried his face in her neck and she looped her arm around his neck.

"I love you, John."

His arms snaked around her body and spun her so she was facing him. Placing his hand on her good cheek, he kissed her mouth softly, again trying not to hurt her. "I love you, too."

Their mouths met in a slow, sensual kiss and, despite the water pouring around them, coming up for air was not a high priority. The feel of the hot water, John's lips on hers, and his hands sliding down her wet body, was more than enough for Teyla to begin feeling no pain. Every touch was met with a longing for more and never even a hint of a wince.

At some point she helped him get out of his sloshed pants and shoes, but looking back on that night, she wouldn't have been able to say when, because they never stopped touching each other. She remembered his strong hands holding her to him, his fingers exploring her body, his lips paying special attention to her neck and his eyes worshiping her.

When John couldn't contain himself any longer, he lifted Teyla up against the wall and she wrapped her legs and arms around his muscular body. With his arms encircling her, he pushed himself into her and moaned in a deep, gravelly voice. His eyes rolled into the back of his head at the sensations rolling through him. He held her tight as he rocked against her and when she came, he smiled. His lips found hers and his body shuddered as he poured himself into her, his hot seed filling her.

Slowly, conscious thought returned to him and he carried her to the bed, where he did his best to keep showing her how much he loved her.


	14. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to the Kindred, Part 2.

 

John wandered through Teyla's room in the dark and into the bathroom. He knew they were here somewhere. Feeling things out with his searching foot, his toes made contact and he cringed. The fabric was not only still wet, but it was freezing. 

_This is gonna be bad._

He slid on his underwear with a shudder and a noise that could only be described as less-than-masculine escaped his throat. The pants followed with much the same result, except without the initial shock of the frigid temperatures against his skin. With his damp shirt thrown over his shoulder, he wandered back into the bedroom while he fumbled with his belt.

Teyla had gone to sleep quickly. She was exhausted and he was thankful that she seemed to be sleeping soundly after everything she'd gone through. She was so strong and he felt so fortunate that she actually seemed to want to be with him. The last thing he wanted to do was screw up her life.

He slid his shirt over his head, hissing as it hit his torso.  _Suck it up, John. You deserve it. Karma - that's what this is._

He stilled when Teyla rolled over. When she didn't awaken, he began his quest once again. As much as he may have wanted to ditch his clothes and crawl back into bed with her, he needed to get out and think. And get some dry clothes.

He hit the deserted corridor and made time getting to his quarters, as though trying to outrun his own thoughts. He loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever cared about anyone before and she didn't deserve to be put through hell again, just because he'd gotten carried away. He had taken one look at her, standing under the raining water and he couldn't stand to be so far away. He needed her and his instincts had taken over.

It was too soon. Remembering the pool of blood in her bedroom, seeing her pale face in the infirmary, it hit him like a hammer. He could lose the woman he loved because he'd lost control. He had been there to help pick up the pieces last time. He knew all too well what it had done to her. He had felt responsible. That maybe if he'd been a better friend, maybe things would have turned out differently. But this time ... This time, if something happened to her, it really would be his fault.

 

* * *

 

Mason sat in a chair next to Ronon's bed, nodding off. His arms were folded over his chest and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier. But as his head would start to loll, awareness would return and he would shake himself out of the stupor. Lying in the bed, Ronon was still asleep, recovering from surgery. McKay had spent his evening waiting by the Satedan's bedside, before Capshaw relieved him four hours ago. It was now late at night and the infirmary staff had shrunk, leaving things quiet.

As his body tried to shut down on him again, he felt a soft hand touch his shoulder. Startled, his eyes jerked open and he roughly caught the hand.

"Whoa! Take it easy, Mason," Jennifer quietly eased. "Why don't you head home? Get some sleep?"

He tiredly spoke for the first time hours and his voice had grown rocky. "What are you still doing here?"

With a smile, she responded, "A doctor's work is never done, especially in the Pegasus galaxy," but then, she added seriously, "I'm just giving Ronon a last once-over before I head out."

Capshaw sat up straight in the chair and stretched. In his tired state, he was unprepared for the sudden pain in his chest from the movement and a wince escaped his stoic features.

"You okay?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You're right. I just need to get some rest," he answered, rising from the chair.

"You're overdue for a refill on your scrip, Mason," she stated with concern in her voice. "It's no wonder your hurting."

"I'm fine, Doc. Really."

She shook her head and indicated the sleeping man in the bed. "You're gonna really fit in with the Colonel's team. All of you. You're cut from the same cloth, except for McKay," she added, smiling to herself. "I suppose he's the black sheep. I'm gonna get that scrip for you before you go."

"No, Doc, you don't ..." he started, but the young doctor had already disappeared around the corner. She returned moments later with a full bottle of pills in hand. Uncomfortably, he accepted it and said, "Thanks. I'll, uh, see you later."

He made for the exit as quickly as he could, nearly smacking into Sheppard, who was on his way in.

"Colonel!" Capshaw said in surprise. He deftly slid the bottle into his pants pocket.

John, equally surprised to find the marine, asked, "How's the patient?"

"Um ... the same," he stumbled. "Goodnight, sir."

He was confused by Capshaw's demeanor, but John shrugged it off. "Doc," he called to Jennifer in greeting.

"Colonel Sheppard," she acknowledged, scanning over Ronon's monitors. "Doesn't anyone around here ever sleep?" she asked the tired-looking colonel.

He dryly gestured toward Ronon and said, "He does."

A transporter ride and a short walk later, Mason entered his room. He kept the lights dim as he moved around. Removing the fresh bottle from his pants, he made quick work of shedding his clothes and tossing them in the laundry. In his underwear, he grabbed the bottle and entered the bathroom.

It was a process he was getting used to. He opened the bottle and dumped it's contents down the drain, running water behind them and scrubbing his teeth while he waited for the pills to dissolve. And as per usual, it took longer than he had patience. When he was done, he slid under his sheets and absentmindedly rubbed his chest, hoping the never-ending burning would settle long enough for him to get some sleep. Sitting next to him, on the bedside table, lay his previous supply of pain meds that had barely been touched.

Meanwhile, in the infirmary, John settled himself into the chair vacated by Capshaw. Unfortunately, he was starting to feel at home in the infirmary. He spent far too much time here, either as a patient or visiting a friend. In this case, seeing Ronon's pale face, John wished they could trade places. Being the one who was hurt was easier than being the one left waiting.

"Okay, Chewy. Naptime's over," he stated to the unconscious warrior. "Things are happening and I can't talk to you about them if you aren't listening."

 

* * *

 

The sun was peeking through the windows again, when Jennifer returned to the infirmary. She was happy to see that the majority of the beds were still empty. All too often, that wasn't the case. Yesterday had been one of those days, but they had gotten lucky. Everyone who came in was able to walk out, with one exception.

She peeked through the privacy curtain that the night nurses had pulled around her patient and what she found made her heart warm. In the chair, curled up in an uncomfortable-looking ball, was Colonel Sheppard. She had gotten to know John well ever since Carson's passing and for someone as awkward expressing emotion as he, no one ever had any doubt as to how he felt.

Ronon's head stirred and she moved to the side of his bed. She stood by and watched as his eyes fluttered open. She patiently waited for him to get his bearings and make eye contact to say, "Hey. Good morning."

"Morning?" he asked.

"It's only been a day," she informed him, recognizing that he probably had no clue as to how much time had passed. "We got you back to Atlantis and you had surgery."

Something was bothering him. Jennifer could tell. His brow was furrowed and he was getting restless. He was chafing at the confines of the sheets and the IV wires. She was afraid he'd start ripping his stitches soon, if he didn't settle down.

"Colonel," she called to John and returning her attention back to her patient, she took him by the arms and stated, "Ronon, you've got to take it easy or you'll start bleeding again."

John untangled his limbs and rose from the chair to stand opposite Dr. Keller around the bed.

"Sheppard, did you get Teyla?" Ronon asked earnestly.

"Yeah, we got her, pal. She's fine," John reassured him, but Ronon wasn't quite ready to relax.

"What about Golian? You kill him?" he rumbled.

John took his friend's shoulder and looked Ronon straight in the eyes, one warrior to another and nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"Good."

Satisfied, Ronon stilled and Jennifer relaxed a little. She wanted to go ahead and do a quick check of his vitals. John, looking at his watch, asked her if she wouldn't mind them giving them some time alone before he had to go on duty.

"Sure," she said, "But no more excitement, okay?"

He promised and she disappeared behind the curtain. "What about Nabel?" Ronon asked. Shortly after he, Mehra, and Rodney had been trapped in the tavern's kitchen, he had attacked the locked door and collapsed soon after that. He didn't have any memory of Capshaw unlocking the door or being loaded into the jumper.

"He's in the brig. I've got to head down there and start the interrogation soon," John informed him. "I don't think it'll take too long. He doesn't seem like the 'dying for a cause' type."

Sheppard paused, clearly wanting to tell Ronon something, but it wouldn't come out.

"What?" the Satedan questioned. John looked very serious and Ronon didn't know what could be that important after the day they had yesterday.

"I ..." John lowered his voice. His relationship wasn't anybody's business and he didn't want this to go flying through the city. "I told Teyla ..."

Ronon's mouth split into a wide grin. He said, "What? That you love her?" and when Sheppard indicated he was right, he added, "It's about time."

"How do you always know this stuff before I have a chance to say anything?" John asked perplexed. It seemed like Ronon was always one step ahead of him and it never failed to take him off-guard.

"Trade secrets," Ronon answered with a cocked eyebrow.

"Is that so?" said John with no attempt to hide his disbelief. "I think I liked you better unconscious."

The friends laughed, but the laughter on John's face died sooner than it probably should have.

"So, you love her and she loves you. What the problem?" Ronon asked.

John took a moment. He thought about telling him, but in the end, he couldn't. He wasn't ready. So instead, he smiled and said, "Nothing. Everything's perfect."

But Ronon being Ronon, didn't buy it for a second.

 

* * *

 

She was tired of waking up alone. When the sun finally broke through her dreams and called her back to the real world, she wanted to open her eyes to the sight of the man she loved and had finally won. She longed to be able to reach out and run her fingers through his unruly hair, to see his scruffy chin in need of a shave, to feast her eyes on his naked back as it disappeared beneath the sheets.

But she supposed, she should have known. She knew from years of experience that John was restless on a good day and, despite its incredible finish, yesterday had not been a good day. He had a prisoner waiting who held valuable information and their dear friend lay in the infirmary. If she knew John at all, that's where she would wager he was.

She rose and dressed herself. Entering the bathroom, she stepped up to the mirror to run a brush through her hair. She sighed at the sight of the bruising on her face. The swelling had gone down and their coloration had lost the angry tinge, but the effect it had on her complexion was still dramatic. Not wanting to be the object of staring or pity, Teyla pulled out her make-up and set about minimizing the damage.

Minutes later, satisfied with the results, Teyla allowed herself a self-indulgent glance at the shower behind her. She bit her lip and smiled at the memories that flooded through her. One thing was certain, she would never be able to look at a shower the same way again.

Before John, her experiences with men were few and very different. It was pleasant, nice. Even Kanaan, who she had truly cared about, had never awakened her senses the way that John could with a single look. He had shown her things, things that she never would have imagined. And the idea that she was experiencing these things with him—it was almost too much. For so long, it had seemed a hopeless fantasy, yet here she was. She was with the love of her life and last night, they had let the final barriers down and admitted their love for each other. There was no more doubt, no more wondering what the other had in mind. She felt free.

She made her way toward the infirmary. Even if John wasn't there, she wanted to see Ronon and thank her friend for what he had tried to do for her on the planet. He was still in surgery when she had been released and had been reluctant to leave, but John had insisted. He assured her that he would be fine.

Passing down the hallways lately had changed dramatically for her. It seemed that everywhere she went there were eyes watching her. A trio of scientists were chatting in the corridor and, sure enough, as she went by she saw their eyes flit in her direction. It made her uncomfortable, but she supposed it was to be expected now that she was with John. He was an important man in Atlantis, but very private, which had proven to be a breeding ground for speculation and gossip about every aspect of his life. At one time, she would listen with amusement and a mild curiosity at what the latest tall tales were, but having become part of the stories, it was unsettling. She determined to be patient. Once the novelty of their situation had worn off, she was certain things would return to normal.

As she rounded the last corner to the infirmary, she was so focused on not being bothered by the attention, that she nearly missed seeing John leaving the hospital area and starting in the opposite direction.

"John!" she called after him.

Hearing her voice, he halted and spun around. "Hey," he said, slowly pacing toward her. She could see the tension in his body as he neared.

"What is wrong, John?"

"It's nothing, Teyla," he assured her. "I've got to go down and start questioning Nabel."

He caught himself reaching for her. A strand of hair had broken loose and he found the temptation to tuck it in for her overpowering, but he pulled back under the public scrutiny. Having to check himself made him, if anything, more uncomfortable. He was having trouble even making eye contact with her.

"Ronon's awake," he told her, shuffling his feet, staring at the floor.

"That is good to hear. How is he?" she asked.

"Oh, you know him. Cranky. Itching to make a run for it," he joked.

She smiled, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "Perhaps I should go inside and try to keep him from escaping."

"Probably a good idea," he said, backing away.

Something was not right. The way he was acting ... it wasn't like him. Before he could get away, Teyla voiced her earlier concern. "Are you alright, John?"

He smiled in an attempt to put her at ease. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll call you as soon as I get something out of Nabel, okay? Hopefully, he'll give us what we need to get your people back and this will all be over soon."

"Let us hope," she nodded.

"I promised you, Teyla. We'll get them back. Don't worry."

 

* * *

 

Nabel sat inside the Ancient's cage, deep inside Atlantis. One touch to the impenetrable shield and the rat-faced man realized he wasn't going anywhere. Even if he somehow managed to get past the shielding, he would never make it past the heavily armed guards watching his every move. But despite that knowledge, he couldn't leave it well enough alone. Every few minutes, he reached out again and the force field invariably flared again to life. He felt the tingling sensation run up his arm and through his body and he marveled at the technology.

"Impressive, isn't it?" said Colonel Sheppard from the entrance to the prison. "It's certainly better than anything Michael has at his disposal."

Nabel extended his arm, activating the flash of color. "I wouldn't be so certain of that if I were you, Colonel," he cautioned. "But you didn't come here to discuss technology. You want to know where Michael is."

John stalked around the cage and quipped, "Good to know we can just cut to the chase. I have a turkey sandwich waiting for me in the mess hall and I hoped to avoid spending my lunch break with you."

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but I won't be telling you anything," the prisoner stated. "He'd kill me."

A dangerous glint passed through John's eyes. "And what makes you think that I won't?" he threatened.

Nabel chuckled. "You? The Lanteans? The do-gooders of the Pegasus galaxy? I doubt it."

John gave a curt nod to one of the guards and power to the cell was cut. The determined colonel entered the cage. Nabel was on-edge, wary of what Sheppard was planning. In one swift move, John pinned the enemy spy against the bars and pulled his sidearm. With his forearm across Nabel's throat, he placed the gun barrel roughly up to side of Nabel's face.

"Care to bet your life on it?" John seethed. "The thing is, you and your friends did a lot of damage yesterday and as much as I try to be the better person ..." the safety on his pistol turned off with a distinctive click, "... I'm really not in the mood."

Nabel could see the deadly resolve in the colonel's face. This was a man who was no stranger to killing. He had come up against Michael on several occasions and was still alive to talk about it and he could tell that he wasn't playing games.

A nervous guard stood by and cleared his throat. "Uh, sir?"

"Stand down, Lieutenant," Sheppard ordered and he returned his attention on his prisoner, tightening the pressure on the man's throat. "Now, where is Michael?"

"It doesn't matter what you do to me, I'm as good as dead anyway," choked Nabel, the words pouring nervously from his lips as quickly as he could manage. Sweat was breaking out on his forehead.

John knew he had him, so he decided to throw the pathetic excuse for a man a bone. "Yeah, well, maybe. Or maybe not, if you help us find him."

"He has spies everywhere. There's nowhere in this galaxy he can't find me!"

"Who said anything about this galaxy?"

 

* * *

 

As the data flashed across his screen, he could feel his chest tightening. "You've got to be kidding me," McKay lamented. "This list is as long my arm!"

"I know McKay, but that's the best he could do. Apparently Michael moves around a lot," John explained.

Carter, Major Lorne, Teldy, and Teyla all sat at the conference room table listening to John's report on Nabel's information. They all had a front row seat when John handed him the data crystal.

"There has to be at least thirty gate addresses here! Do you have any idea how long it will take to eliminate most of these?" the scientist ranted.

"Considering it's my people that will be doing most of the eliminating, I think I have a fair idea, Rodney," Sheppard answered back, getting defensive.

Sam decided to step in before things got heated. "He can't narrow it down at all?"

John shook his head. "Apparently our friend was on a need-to-know basis. Michael issued his orders from wherever he had set up camp and Nabel never knew where they were coming from until he received a meeting date and time."

"You couldn't go threaten him a little more?" whined McKay.

Sam rolled her eyes. "Rodney ..."

From the down the table, Teyla spoke up, "How long? How long will it take? Because every moment that goes by another one of my people is being turned into one of those monsters."

Everyone sitting around the table stilled, hearing the composure she was so famous for slipping. John wanted nothing more than to go to her and help her through this. He understood how frustrated she must feel. They were so close to getting her people back, closer than they had ever been, but they had a list of planets standing in the way.

Next to her, Major Lorne's hand closed on her shoulder and John was grateful for it. If he couldn't be there for her at the moment, he was glad to have their other friends who could step in.

Sam starting laying the plan of attack. "We'll start by recalling all the teams we have offworld. Colonel, you and Major Lorne work out a rotation schedule and first thing in the morning, all offworld SG teams will hit the ground."

As the soldiers nodded in agreement, Carter turned on McKay. "Rodney, in the meantime, you and the science department get started identifying, cataloging, and sending out MALP's to these planets. Let's get as much data as we possibly can analyzed before we send out the ground forces."

Rodney zipped out of his chair. "Dr. McKay, where are you going?" Sam asked, annoyed.

"Getting to work. In case you didn't notice, there's a lot to get done." With that, he walked out, already calling for Zelenka on his radio.

 

* * *

 

It was long passed dinner when John and Evan finished for the night. The schedule, the various briefings, and final preparations for their own teams had sucked up what was left of the day. John had also had to arrange for an extra man, because of Ronon's condition. The massive warrior had gotten wind of what was happening and radioed him, loudly voicing his complaints about being left behind. At Keller's request, John had had to go down to the infirmary and remind Ronon of the gaping hole in his side. Fortunately for both of them, he had managed to talk Ronon down without bloodshed, but his best friend had made his dissatisfaction perfectly clear.

He originally intended to head back to his room. He felt like maybe he should Teyla some space. But he found himself, not for the first time, walking down the wrong hallway being pulled to her by some invisible force.  _God._ He was hopeless.

She let him in. She was wearing her sleepwear, but didn't give any indication of actually going to bed. She lounged on the couch with a blanket slung over her and he tucked himself in with her. He laid his head on her chest and listened to her heart beating. He focused on the drumming sound, allowing it to put away his fears for her for the time being. He was here with her and for now, she was safe.

Underneath him, Teyla's own thoughts were a mile away. Golian's words haunted her. The new master of the Athosian people. What if there was no one left? Perhaps there was no one left to save.

She broke the silence without even realizing it. "What if I am alone?"

John lifted his head to catch her eye. "What?"

"What if we are too late, John? It has been so long. Do you honestly think it is possible that any of my people are left?"

He hesitated. The reality was, she could easily be right. "Teyla ..."

"Tell me the truth, John," she said bluntly.

"I don't know. But I'll travel to every planet in the galaxy if I have to, before I even think about giving up," he told her. "But no matter how this turns out, you aren't going to be alone, Teyla."

With a soft kiss to her chest directly beneath him, he spoke to her. "No matter what happens, you'll have me."

She wrapped her arms around him as he lay his head back down and they settled in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found the lyrics to the chorus of "May I" by Trading Yesterday really inspiring for the last little scene here.


	15. Searching for Truth

"John," Teyla whispered softly.

She heard a completely indecipherable moan come from behind her. His arm was slung across her, while he had buried his head under his pillow. Even though it was still dark outside his window, she knew that time had come again.

"John," she repeated, rolling over to face him.

This time the protest was louder, but no more understandable. He continued mumbling into the pillow. Without knowing a word, she knew what he was saying. He was tired. They both were and the only time they had together were these precious nights.

The madness had descended on Atlantis that first morning and had yet to cease. John's team was first through the gate and Teyla, alongside Lorne's team, was next. Nearly the entire military contingent had been moving in and out of the city for days. With all the advanced prep work the science team had done, the first several planets on the list were eliminated relatively quickly. But as things went on, they started encountering problems.

Michael's labs were occasionally booby trapped. There were a few run-ins with leftover failed experiments and while the teams were loaded for bear, there had been a few casualties. Colonel Carter and Sheppard both agreed that it was best to slow things down for everyone's safety and to allow the scientists the chance to keep ahead of the ground teams. And inevitably, the days started to tick by.

She ran her hand up and down his bare back as she broke the news. "I need to leave. I am due at the Stargate in an hour."

John emerged from his hiding place with messy hair and day-old stubble on his chin. "You don't have to go yet. There's still time."

"I must return to my room, John. I need to shower and change my clothing," she stated. She didn't want to leave any more than he wanted her to, but she couldn't very well show up in the same uniform she wore the previous day.

She slipped away from his grasp and prepared to face the day. John sat up and watched her sliding on her shoes. His voice still full of gravel, he said, "Maybe you should start keeping a few of your things here. You know ... so you don't have to leave every morning."

She smiled at the idea. It would lovely to be able to remain with him if she chose. "You may want to do the same. After all, you spend as much time in my quarters as you do here."

He cocked an eyebrow, his sleepy mind realizing she was probably right. "I might just do that."

Teyla stood to leave and John roused what energy he could to rise to his feet and take her in his arms. With a kiss to her hair, he told her, "Just be careful, okay?"

With every day that passed, he found himself having a harder and harder time letting her go. He knew in his head that she was a force to be reckoned with and she could handle herself under any circumstances, but his heart told him to keep her here, out of harm's way.

He allowed his lips the pleasure of a goodbye kiss when an unexpected knock came at the door. John padded over to the control console and gave it a wave.

"Sir, Colonel Carter wanted me to ..." Capshaw paused when he saw the scene in front of him. The colonel in nothing but his pajama pants and Teyla, fully dressed, but with the mussed state of her hair and knowing the hour, there could be no doubt to what he'd stumbled onto.

"Good morning, Sergeant," Teyla offered politely, noting his obvious discomfort.

"Ma'am," he managed, with a note of disapproval in his voice.

She decided the time for her to leave had arrived. "If you both will excuse me, I have to be going." She flashed John a grin as she left.

"What did you need, Capshaw?" John asked, wondering what could have brought him here so early.

"Uh, Colonel Carter needs to speak with you," he informed him.

The message received, John nodded and said, "Okay. I'll be right there."

"Yes, sir."

"Are we gonna have a problem, Mason?" John asked when Capshaw hesitated to leave. Since their initial mission, the two men had made progress in earning the other's respect, but John could tell that the issue of his relationship wasn't finished. He was perfectly aware of Capshaw's opinion that he had broken military's regs. The fact that Teyla wasn't military didn't seem to matter to him. It was more about the principle behind the rule.

"No, sir," he responded.

Seeing that that wasn't the end of it, John said, "Spit it out, Capshaw."

Mason paused before he spoke. He was learning to like Sheppard and he didn't want what he had to say to be taken the wrong way. "People say you've been together a lot longer than you'd like people to know. Some even say that the baby ..."

He nearly stopped, but figured he'd gone this far. It would be better to get things out on the table. "... the baby she lost was yours."

John expression grew cloudy. "So what do you want to know, Capshaw? If I've been abusing my position? Because you wouldn't be the first person to accuse me of that."

He shook his head. "No accusation. I don't care what people say. I'm only interested in the truth."

John wanted to tell the guy to mind his own business. To slam the door in his face. Maybe even punch him. But he figured, this was his teammate and he probably deserved to know the kind of people he was working with. If the situation were reversed, he might even be doing the exact same thing.

"Let me assure you, Sergeant," he stated, emphasizing his place in the pecking order, "my relationship with Teyla has never been anything but above board. And that's the last time we're having this conversation. Got it?"

"Good enough for me, sir," said Mason with a nod.

 

* * *

 

Sam stood on the balcony overlooking the gate, watching as the next team walked through the event horizon.

"You wanted to see me?" John asked as he approached the railing.

"Yeah, John. I received a message from the IOA a little while ago," she said.

Knowing the bad news was on its way, he let out a sigh. "What did they want?"

She started to wring her hands. "They aren't happy with us 'wasting our resources on a hopeless search'."

_Paper-pushing, penny-pinching ..._ "Woolsey?" he asked.

"Coolidge. They want us to shut it down, John," she told him.

"We've only been able to get through half of those addresses," he said, getting frustrated. He had to make a case to keep going. He tried not to imagine Teyla's face if she had to hear this. "We owe the Athosians this much. Teyla aside, they kept our people fed the first year we were here. They introduced us to the galaxy. We wouldn't have half the contacts we have without them."

"I know, John. I don't like it any more than you do," Sam sighed. Once again, she was caught in the middle of her colleagues and the bureaucracy and she hated it.

"Something's bound to break soon. We just need a little more time."

She relented. "Okay. A few more days. Let's hope we can finish this, because I don't want to be the one to inform Teyla if this goes badly."

John stared at Sam, a decision forming in his mind. "No, I'll tell her.  _If_  it comes down to it."

The two leaders watched the goings on below. It was teeming with activity where it was usually relatively quiet. The near-constant use of the gate—whether it be by teams departing, teams arriving, or by the scientists—kept it a high-traffic area. On top of that, there was a sense that the pressure on the mission had doubled now. They both hoped they were up to the task.

"Oh! I almost forgot," Sam mentioned. "Dr. Keller wanted me to inform you that Ronon's escaped."

With a half-chuckle, John asked, "Do I need to send out a retrieval squad?"

"No. She just respectfully requested that you keep him out of harm's way for a little while longer."

"Was it more a request or an order?" he wondered with a smirk.

"You want him back, don't you?" she said, already knowing the answer.

 

* * *

 

They were locked together. The wraith had him pinned. The drone's hand was inching its way closer and closer to his chest. Mason could hear the chaos blaring all around him. The sound of a P-90 firing nearby echoed through the metallic chamber. Ronon's stunner blasting away. He strained against the hulking creature, his arms desperately trying hold it back, but slowly losing ground. His teeth were gritted and his forehead dripped with sweat, and his face was twisted in agony. His chest was on fire, making the edges of his vision a blinding white. He cried out. To anyone listening, they would assume it was as a result of the struggle for his life, but to Capshaw that was only a small part of it.

From the threshold into the room, Sheppard fired four bullets into the drone. It dropped like a stone to the floor and Capshaw nearly dropped with it. But he kept his feet as ran as the colonel yelled, "Come let's get out of here! We've got one minute!"

The three men raced through the twisted hallways with guns drawn, mowing down the wraith in their path. They reached the ladder to the surface. "Go!" yelled Sheppard, ordering Mason and Ronon up the ladder while he continued firing on the enemy. He put one foot in front of the other as fast as he could possibly go and John scrambled up behind them.

They hit the surface. It was a forested planet, just like so many they visit. Peaceful, too, on a normal day. But any tranquility it had was broken as Sheppard, Ronon, and Capshaw put as much distance as they could between them and the bunker, before the C-4 charges they had planted, blew it into rubble.

McKay's voice came through the comms. "Sheppard! Are you guys still alive?"

Through labored breaths, John answered, "Yeah, Rodney, we're still here. Dial the gate. Let's get the hell out of here."

Passing through the gate and into the Atlantis gateroom, John didn't waste any time. "Scratch that one off the list," he said to Colonel Carter who stood by waiting to receive them.

"The place was crawling with Wraith," Ronon said.

"Wraith?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, apparently Michael's on everyone's radar, not just ours. Looked like they were trying get their hands on whatever research he had there," John informed her.

"So you ..."

"Blew it up," he said, as though it was the most obvious conclusion in the world.

"Of course," Sam acknowledged. "Well done, Colonel. You and team have the rest of the day, so, my advice? Get some rest."

They moved through the busy gateroom.

Capshaw put on a phony smile, a mask that wouldn't have fooled anyone who knew what to look for. Normally, his game face was much better, but things had gone way beyond that now. He bore the infirmary check-in, barely uttering a word to the little brunette nurse who was working with him. She was fresh off the boat. She still had a lot of naivete to her, that Mason thought with sadness, wouldn't last long. But it made his job easier. Hiding the pain would have been much more of a challenge if he'd had to contend with Keller or one of the others who had been around the block a few times. Given the all clear, he focused all his attention on getting home.

Teyla closed in on the infirmary. Already geared up for her next rotation offworld, she heard that John had returned and was hoping to, at least, see him for a few moments before she was due to leave. As she rounded the corner, she saw Mason leaving. The second he was out the door, the strong, confident posture that he typically carried, sank and turned inward. Teyla could see that he was breathing hard and she could see a sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead. But despite his apparent distress, he was moving away rapidly.

"Sergeant Capshaw!" she called after him.

His focus cracked at the sound of his name. He turned to see who the voice belonged to, slackening his pace. The brief reprieve allowed her to catch up, before he marched off again.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?" he said as politely as he could manage.

"I never did get the opportunity to thank you for helping to rescue me on Lythera. I wanted you to know how much I appreciated your efforts," she said. It was true, every word of it. But, it was merely something convenient to talk about. Something was very wrong with him and she couldn't just let him go off by himself.

"Look," he said brusquely, "that's really nice of you to say, but I didn't do anything. I did as I was ordered, okay? I'm glad you got home and all, but I really need to ..."

Agony ripped through his body. Maintaining his grip on things was growing tenuous as his arms started trembling. He had to get home.

_Just a little further._

"Sergeant, are you alright?" she questioned, seeing the tension running through him.

"I'm fine. I just need to get home. To rest, you know," he said breathlessly.

"Sergeant, perhaps you should return to the infirmary. You do not look well."

He halted in his tracks and turned on her. The expression he wore was something she'd encountered many times before. He looked like a wounded animal who had been cornered.

His tone on the razor's edge, said, "You're a busy woman, Ms. Emmagan. I'm sure you have better things to do than chatting with me. Colonel Sheppard's back in the city and I'm sure he's eager to see you. Now, if you'll excuse me ..."

He stalked away determined to reach the doorway at the end of the hall. Every step he took, though, the walls of his vision shut down a little more. He collapsed against the wall and managed to wave his hand over the door control before he slid to the floor.

"Doctor Keller! Medical emergency at Sergeant Capshaw's quarters!"

Teyla ran to the fallen soldier. His eyes were fighting to stay open. His hand was pointing into the room. "What is it?" she asked.

"The bottle," he panted. She left his side and ventured into his room. She didn't have to search long for what he needed. The room was sparse, to say the least. There weren't many personal effects in it as far as she could see. Only a picture on the nightstand stood out and the tiny bottle of pills right next it.

Picking up the bottle, she ran back into the hallway, but it was too late. Mason had passed out.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell happened, Doc?" John demanded. He was pacing in her office, while Mason lay in a bed just outside. He was still around when he heard Teyla's call for help. He had assisted as much as he could, but was rather surprised when Jennifer seemed to already know what the problem was. Once they brought him the short distance back, she immediately got to work placing an IV that was now dripping medication into Capshaw's arm.

Sitting at her desk, Jennifer fielded Colonel Sheppard's question. "You read his file, right? You know about his injury?"

When John nodded in response, she went on. "He took a staff blast, nearly point blank to the chest. It was a miracle he even survived, but he did. But the damage done to the muscles was massive. Once he recovered enough, he had to go through incredibly intensive physical therapy to get back to duty."

"Doc, I know all this."

"Well, what probably isn't in your file is that there is no cure, for lack of a better term. He has to keep it up or the muscle fibers will break down again. It has something to do with the type of energy used by the Jaffa weapons."

John quit his pacing and sat across from her, listening intently as to the reason one of his team, yet again, was in one of those beds. "Capshaw is a chronic pain case. There is residual pain left over from the original damage done and when you add the constant conditioning he has to do to stay in shape, on an average day he's about a 7 on the pain scale."

"How is he functioning like that?"

"Well, he shouldn't be," she explained. "The pain is manageable and he has medication to use to keep this exact thing from happening."

John fumed, growing impatient. "Then why is he here?"

"This isn't the first time he's gone off his meds since he's been here," she confessed.

"What?" he said.

"About five months ago, Major Santiago brought him in. He said he'd just overdone it, but his test results told me he hadn't taken his pills in quite a while. I just got the same results," she said, handing him a printout of his latest round of tests.

"Why would he want to walk around in pain?" he questioned, his eyes roving over the paper.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Colonel. I've asked him, but he won't talk to me."

 

* * *

 

Mason's eyes slowly opened and locked onto the IV. He could see the medication dripping through the line and running into his arm. He closed his eyes again and felt ... nothing. He was numb, and to him feeling nothing felt incredible.

"Feeling better?" John asked from the other side of the bed.

Mason turned and saw his CO for the first time. "Yes, sir."

John sat with one leg resting on the other, Capshaw's personnel file sitting in his lap. "I've been reading through this again, wondering if I missed something, but it says the same thing as it did the last time. So, I was thinking, Capshaw. I answered your question about me and Teyla, despite the fact that it is completely none of your business. I think I was a pretty good sport about it, too. And I figured, as long as we're putting cards on the table, it's only fair if you show me yours."

"Fair enough," he replied, knowing it was over anyway. There was no point in struggling now. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, Dr. Keller has filled me in on most of it already. I just need to understand one thing. Why aren't you staying on your meds?"

Capshaw sighed in surrender. "It started nearly a year ago. I was on Earth, still heavy into PT. I've been injured before, sir, but I didn't know the human body could hurt that bad. Those meds ... the ones that I try not to take, they became my best friend. They helped me cope."

Suddenly, John started to understand where this was going, but he listened anyway.

"My mom died. It was a car wreck. Drunk driver slammed into her at sixty miles an hour. After the funeral, I had the weekend off from PT and I thought if I could just sleep for a while, maybe things would start to look better. I didn't realize I took so much, but I didn't wake up for two days."

Mason looked into John's eyes. "It scared the hell out of me, sir. So I only take them now when I absolutely have to."

"Why didn't you talk to Dr. Keller about this? I'm sure she could've figured something out that would work better for you," John asked.

Mason laughed. "I like the Doc. She's cute. But one note in my file about this and my career would be over. I'm already damaged goods to most commands. If the term 'addict' showed up in my records, no one would take a look at me again. I might as well resign my commission right now."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because my career is all I have left. There's no one at home. No family. Nothing. This is my life," Capshaw confided. He, of course, realized that telling all of this to his CO was accomplishing exactly what he had feared. He was on his way out.

John sat back, taking in all the new information. He slapped the thick brown file against his knee, deep in thought. "You know," Sheppard said, "Keller's not strictly a military doctor. She works in Atlantis as a scientist."

Mason perked up a little, not daring to hope he had heard what he just heard. "Sir?"

"I think that if the right person asked her, she might consider doing you a favor."

"And who would that person be?" Capshaw asked.

"You," John put bluntly. "And you'd better make it about now, because I can't use you like this. One of these times, it'll get you killed."

Mason laid stunned. He couldn't fathom that this wasn't the end. The CO of entire Atlantis expedition was helping him out. Astounded, he said, "Sir, you don't like to play by the rules, do you?"

Sheppard smirked. "You hear a lot of things, Capshaw. I thought you would've figured that out by now."

 

* * *

 

John sat on his couch, typing away on his laptop, when Teyla came in looking tired. She had a small bundle in her arms and dropped it on the bed.

"What's that?" he asked.

"A few of my things," she told him. "Is it still alright if I keep them here?"

John set his computer aside and got to his feet. He went over to his dresser and started moving things aside to make room for hers. "Toss em here."

Instead of hurling her things across the room, she gently unwrapped them and took them to him. He placed them in his top drawer, glancing down at the item on the top. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but it didn't look like it would cover much.

She beamed at the change in his expression. "I thought I would take a shower. Would you care to join me?"

"Uh ..." he stammered. "I'll, uh, be right there."

Speaking became really difficult as he watched her clothes start to fall to the floor. "I just need to finish this really fast. I'm almost done. Two seconds, tops."

"What is it?" she inquired.

"Nothing really. I just got a reminder that I needed to do this and there's a scheduled transmission to Earth in the morning, so I really should get it done," he blathered on as her panties headed south. "I'm almost finished."

 

* * *

 

_... I kind of miss having her on my team, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. The new guy's different, though. There's still a few kinks to work out, but I think he'll be fine._

_Things have been really busy around here, lately. McKay's been drinking all the good coffee. Very tired. May have to shoot him. I'm thinking about taking some time off when things settle down. Thought I might bring Teyla along. I never did get the chance to show her around ..._

Dave Sheppard was shocked when he had opened up his e-mail and saw that John had written. According to the date, it was written only a week ago. At least he wasn't too far behind on what was going on - what little he was allowed to know, anyway. He devoured it, his eyes scanning over it as fast as they could.

_I thought while I was in the neighborhood, we might do what we talked about and get together or something. I can't tell you how good a real steak sounds to me right now._

The doorbell rang, interrupting the last few lines of the letter. Reluctant to leave it unfinished, Dave rolled the chair out from the desk and walked down the hallway to the big staircase. He took each step in rapid succession, until he was in sight of the front door. Through the frosted glass paneling, he saw the shadows of two men and though any specific details were obscured, the silhouette of their hats were unmistakably military.

His heart sank.


	16. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itty bitty, teeny tiny tag to The Last Man. Really. If you blinked, you probably missed it.

**5 Days Before**

 

Ronon banged on Mason's door. As Mason answered, the TV was playing behind him. He was taking it easy this morning, lounging around in a t-shirt that showed off the special forces tattoo on his right arm and a pair of jogging pants.

"Hey," Ronon greeted. "How's your ... thing?"

Amused at the Satedan's direct approach, Mason answered, "Doing okay. Keller's trying out some new cocktail on me, so I feel a little like a guinea pig, but ... okay. How about you? How's your ... thing?"

Ronon shrugged off his bullet wound as though it were a long distant memory. "You wanna go spar?"

"Um, I probably shouldn't. We're scheduled to go offworld again this afternoon. Don't want to overdo it, you know," Mason explained.

"You haven't heard?"

Capshaw said, "Heard what?"

Ronon shifted his weight. "Mission's been canceled. They're pulling everybody out."

"Really?" Mason said, shocked. It wasn't like them to give up and he didn't like the way it sat with him. "I'm sorry, man. I, uh...I know some of the Athosians were your friends."

"Yeah," Ronon said, his jaw tensing. "So, anyway ... I kinda feel like hitting something. You up for it?"

Mason nodded, understanding the feeling. "Count me in."

 

* * *

 

"Lower the shield," Carter ordered from above. After a few moments, Lorne's team stepped through the event horizon. Some under their own power, others were not so fortunate. Lieutenant Chelios dragged Sergeant Luther's still form into the gateroom and Teyla followed supporting Lorne as he hobbled in on one good leg. Keller and her medical team rushed to aid the injured while Sam and John hit the stairs to join the scene below.

"What happened, Major?" Sheppard asked while he stole a scrutinizing glance at Teyla. She was covered in dirt, as was the rest of the team, but otherwise appeared to be fine.

"Another booby trap, sir," answered Evan from the wheelchair he had been settled into. A medic was fussing over him, shining a penlight in his eyes as he tried to make his report. "The whole damn building came down on us. We got the hell out of there, but Luther and I didn't quite make it. Lucky for us, Teyla and Chelios were able to dig us out."

Sam thanked Evan and he was wheeled off to get a scan of that leg. "Are you alright, Teyla?" she inquired.

She indicated she was fine. "I would like to return to duty, Colonel Carter. If I could accompany another team, I am willing to continue the search," she said, making clear her resolve to do whatever it took to find the missing Athosians.

John and Sam regarded each other knowingly. Their stalling with the IOA had come to a head and it was time to tell her.

He started, "Teyla, we aren't sending any more teams."

"I do not understand," she said, completely flabbergasted. She couldn't believe what she had just heard.

"We'll keep sending through the MALPs to the remaining planets, but no more teams. Not unless we have good evidence to suggest that the trip would be worth it," John explained sadly. As he watched the horrible truth sink onto Teyla's face, his heart broke. He had wanted more than anything to bring her family back to her, but instead he had to be the one to tell her that odds were, it was essentially over.

"I am truly sorry to have to do this, Teyla," Sam spoke up, seeing John faltering, "but it's too much like sending our people into a minefield. Even with the information we're gathering ahead of time, there are too many unknowns and the likelihood that someone's going to get killed is too high to justify taking the risk."

"Colonel, please do not give up," pleaded Teyla. "We cannot leave my people in Michael's hands."

"I'm sorry, Teyla, but it may be time to consider the possibility that your people aren't coming back," Carter said regretfully before she walked away.

Teyla stood frozen for a moment. She was torn in two. As the leader of the Athosians, she could not let this happen, but as an honorary citizen of Atlantis, she knew that the decision had been made for the good of everyone. She decided to do the only thing she could and stalked away.

As John watched her leave, he really didn't like what he saw.

Teyla went straight into her room, reached underneath her bed, and pulled out a leather satchel. Holding it in her hands, she reached into her dresser drawer and shoved her clothing inside. She grasped for more and she paused. Her eyes stung as she lingered on the sight of the pile of John's clothes. Tears started to boil over.

"What the hell are you doing?" he said from the doorway.

She hurriedly wiped her eyes and turned to face him. "I cannot stop looking for my people, not when we are so close. I will go on my own if necessary."

His eyes went wide. "Absolutely not. You're not going to go out there and get yourself killed!" he raised his voice as his hardwired protective instincts flared.

Teyla turned on him with glassy eyes. "I cannot stand back and do nothing! I did that once before. I cannot do it again!"

"Over my cold, dead body, Teyla."

"What other choice do I have, John?"

"You let McKay and his guys do their work! If anybody can do it, you know it's McKay," John told her. "But if I have to stun you myself, I'm not letting you through that gate!" He seized the satchel from her and threw it at the bed.

"I do not need your permission to go. I am not one your men and I am not a prisoner here."

John closed the distance between the two of them. They were so close, she could feel his breath on her face. "No, you're not. But I won't let you go. I love you too much."

The words cut through her resolve like a knife. "John, please ..." she begged as the tears started to flow freely again.

"No," he repeated, reaching out for her. He pulled her toward him and she put up a token resistance, but it was a losing battle. Maybe if he hadn't come, she could have left. But she found it impossible to look him in the eyes and say goodbye, because she felt the same as he did. She loved him too much.

She laid her head against his chest and he held on as she sobbed.

 

* * *

 

By the time dinner rolled around, the last of the offworld teams were back in the city and the traffic in the gateroom was reduced to only a handful of scientists and the MALP. The mess hall was more full than it had been in over a week, as everyone gathered to catch up with friends and eat something besides MRE's.

But Sam didn't have an appetite. Her dinner tray sat untouched in front of her as she sipped her drink. This had been one of the hardest command decision's she'd had to make and she'd hurt a friend. It was times like these when she missed her old team. About now, Teal'c would've imparted some sage words of wisdom. Daniel would've assured her that everything would work out with his unfailing optimism, and Jack ... he probably wouldn't have said much. He probably just would've given her a hug.

Rodney slid into the chair across from her, pulling her away from memory lane. Without so much as a 'hello', he dug into his food without his usual gusto. He attacked it as if eating dinner was a contractual obligation. The scowl on his face told her how well things were progressing.

"I take it there's been no luck," she assumed.

Rodney said, in a huff, "Not yet. I need more time, alright."

She nodded and went back to her cup. Ronon and Capshaw entered and headed to the food line. Sam wondered, "Have you seen Teyla?"

Rodney peered up from his plate and said, "No. I'm sure Sheppard's taking care of her, though. You can hardly separate those two these days."

She snickered at the tone he tried to hide. "Feeling a little jealous, McKay?"

"Of course not!" he protested a little too much. "What do I have to be jealous of?"

"It's nice."

"What is?"

"Nevermind, Rodney," she said. "At least, in all this, they have each other. Can you imagine what this would've been like for her if things were different?"

"Well, there are an infinite number of possibilities and parallel realities ..." 

She sighed. "I wasn't asking for the math, Rodney. I was just making an observation."

"Right," he said sheepishly.

"Listen, I know I don't have to say it, but I'm going to anyway," she started. She placed her drink on the table and leaned in. "I would consider it a personal favor if you'd really put your all into this."

Rodney took the opportunity to act offended. "Well, what else would I do?"

"If you find anything, no matter how slight the chance, I want to know about it. If we can wave something concrete in front of the IOA's nose, maybe we can turn this around yet."

"I'll need you to keep the coffee coming," he said.

"I think we can manage that."

 

* * *

 

Teyla and John lay side by side on her bed staring up at the ceiling. He had long ago kicked her satchel onto the floor. After seeing that someone else took over his duties, he had spent all day with her. He stood by her while she cried and while she shared stories of home. She talked about Halling's wedding and being there when Jinto was born. The times when she had run to Charin in need of a woman's advice and some good cooking. She even spoke of Golian and Kanaan. How the two men had been fast friends their entire lives. How Golian tended to take the lead in things, because Kanaan was always so shy, and how upset they both were when she had chosen to live in Atlantis.

"Golian was right. I should have been with them," she told him. "I abandoned them to this."

"You being there wouldn't have made any difference," he tried, knowing she wouldn't accept it. He rolled over and propped his head up on his hand. "And purely for selfish reasons, I'm glad you weren't there. I'm not sure what that says about me, but there it is."

She stretched her arm to stroke his cheek. He leaned into her touch. He stared into her and leaned over to kiss her.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I could run down to the mess hall and get you something."

Teyla shook her head. Her hand still rested on his face and she pulled him to her. She kissed him again. It was soft, but he felt the need behind it. He acquiesced to her quiet demand and he returned her kiss with passion. He wound his arm around her and gathered her to him.

Their kiss changed from soft and easy to hurried, almost frenzied. Her hands groped at his belt buckle.

"Teyla ..." John murmured. When she managed to free his belt and used both hands to go after his zipper, he took her wrists and brought their work to a halt.

"Teyla," he said, getting her attention. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

A stricken expression crossed her face. "Do you not want to?"

A crooked smile appeared as he answered, "Trust me. Not wanting to isn't an issue," as the bulge in his pants would attest. "But we don't have to."

"John, I need you. I need us. Can you understand?" she questioned, unsure of his reaction.

When Teyla met his stare, he could see how vulnerable she was and he didn't want to trample on it. He would do whatever it took to make her happy, and if making love to her was what she wanted, then who was he to argue?

Without another word, he reached around her and pulled on the ties attached to her top, making it fall loose. He ran his hands underneath the soft fabric, across her skin, and tugged the garment over her head.

It all passed in a blur, but it ended with Teyla sitting astride him and his fingers digging into her hips. He watched her gorgeous body in awe as she undulated against him. Her head thrown back and her eyes closed, he moved his right hand and rubbed her core. She moaned at the redoubled response from her body. It was as though as an electric current was traveling through her. He could feel her climax surrounding him. The sensitivity that allowed him to relish the movement of her inner muscles also shoved him over the precipice. He gritted his teeth and his hands clamped down around her as his body let go with a primal groan.

Out of breath, Teyla crumpled on top of him. "John, that was ..."

Adamantly in agreement with the unspoken sentiment, he said, "You're telling me."

She absentmindedly laced her fingers in and out of the hair on his chest and said softly, "Thank you, John."

He moved his arm to surround her. "Anytime."

 

* * *

 

**2 Days Before**  

 

Radek sat at his console in the gateroom alongside a few of his equally overworked and overtired associates. He was waiting for the telemetry from what seemed like the thousandth MALP to be sent through the gate or was supposed to be waiting for it. In actuality, he was falling asleep. When it finally starting broadcasting the data to his console, he was completely out of it. He got a rude shove from the side, that threw his delicately held posture off balance. He nearly fell off his chair. "If I have to be up, so do you."

Radek peeled his eyelids up and glared at the man who was his colleague, friend, and arch nemesis all rolled into one. "Rodney, I've been awake for two days."

Not to be outdone, Rodney professed, "That's nothing. Talk to me when you've been up for three."

"You have not been up for three days."

"Yes, I have."

"Rodney, I saw you taking a nap in your office this afternoon."

"One nap, twenty minutes. It hardly counts."

"It does if twenty minutes lasts two hours."

"You wouldn't be so petty as to begrudge a man a little sleep?" said McKay.

Radek groaned. He wondered if Rodney was at all aware of the complete hypocrisy of what he just said. "You know ..."

From a computer behind them, Dr. Aileron piped in. "Hang on, guys. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? I think I may be hallucinating."

Over his shoulder, Amelia Banks peeked at the readouts. "That can't be right."

Doctors McKay and Zalenka put the squabble aside to flick through the data. After a moment, Radek said with the humor born by total and utter fatigue, "We  _must_  be hallucinating."

But the sarcastic tone of Radek's joke was completely lost on Rodney. "Yes, all of us are having the same hallucination."

"This has got to be it, right? What other explanation could there be?," Dr. Aileron said, hopefully. Perhaps he might be reintroduced to his bed soon. "There isn't any way this could be occurring naturally, is there?"

"Probably not," Rodney answered, still engrossed.

"Do you want me to start waking people up?" Amelia questioned.

"No, not yet," McKay stated. "We need to be sure. There's no need to get people's hopes up if this doesn't pan out."

From his side, Radek suggested, "Perhaps Colonel Carter? We could really use a fresh pair of eyes."

Rodney muttered, "Yes, that's good. Go get Carter," as he started running figures through his head.

 

* * *

 

Rodney was completely hopped up on caffeine and as a result was talking even faster than normal. "This is the place. This is where our boy is hiding. MK4-983."

"You are certain, Rodney?" Teyla asked, not daring to get too hopeful. Under the table, she took John's hand and squeezed.

"Yep," he responded. "You know, if Michael weren't hellbent on killing us all and taking over the galaxy, I'd seriously consider offering him a job, because he really is quite clever. We almost didn't even see it."

Sheppard looked to Carter for clarification.

"Buried in the MALP's telemetry, we're reading an electromagnetic pulse," she explained.

"An EMP?" he exclaimed.

Rodney chimed back in, "Yes, he's broadcasting it from his base. But this is not just any EMP. This sucker is specifically tuned into Ancient technology, which is why it didn't take out the MALP or the UAV we sent through. But if we were to, say, fly a jumper through the gate..."

"We'd crash," Lorne finished.

"Exactly."

John looked up at Rodney's computer display of the layout. "So, we lose the jumpers. We'll go on foot. The base isn't more than a half-mile from the gate."

Sam grimaced at the suggestion, "See that's where things get tricky. We almost discounted this particular planet because of its inherent instability. It has an unusually porous crust. There are huge fissures and crevasses running through the entire planet and it is completely unpredictable."

"If this planet were a car, it would be a lemon. A dirty, rocky lemon," McKay rattled on, "Any mild seismic activity, even a big sneeze, could cause the ground to crumble right underneath you. Not the place to go hiking."

"If it's so unstable, how did Michael manage to build himself a base there?" Capshaw inquired.

Rodney jumped to answer, "See, this is the clever part I told you about. He's actually modified Wraith shielding technology to stabilize the ground directly beneath the base. Within the confines of the base, your relatively safe, but outside ..."

"Okay, okay," John said. "We get the picture. How do we get there? Because we don't have any Darts lying around."

Apparently, that was the million dollar question, because it was greeted with speechlessness.

"Can we turn this EMP off?" Ronon asked.

Rodney nodded. "Once we reach the base, I can hack into the computer and shut it down, but we still have to get there."

Capshaw spoke up. "Did I ever tell you that I once climbed Mt. Rainier?"

 

* * *

 

**1 Day Before**  

 

In the locker room the next morning, they got ready to go. Everyone in their black BDU's hit the armory and headed to the gateroom. Rodney had finally managed to rest and was now fully aware, and hating this idea.

"Relax, McKay," Ronon said, punching him in the shoulder. "If you fall, we catch you."

When his comment only made McKay look more worried, Ronon laughed.

Across the room, John stood with Teyla. She and Chelios were on temporary loan to him, until Major Lorne recovered. John wasn't entirely happy having her along on this. He was still unsure of his ability to keep his affections in the backseat when it came to her. But he couldn't deny that it would be good to have her watching his back again.

The expanded team, along with the small contingent of marines coming along, watched as the gate activated.

Colonel Sheppard shouted, "Okay, everybody! Let's move out!"


	17. Prisoners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to The Kindred, Part 1.

The carabiners clicked into place, linking the lines and the people in them together. The wind howled around them, making the radios the only practical means of communicating. Anything solely spoken aloud was carried off in the gale.

Sheppard surveyed the landscape. Rodney was right. It was nothing but a desolate portrait of dirt and rocks as far as the eye could see. Because of the uneven terrain, he wasn't able to spot Michael's base from the gate, but according to the data it was half a mile northeast of their position.

He handed out orders to the marines. They were to guard the gate. As soon as they received word that the EMP was disabled, they were to dial Atlantis and get jumpers in the air. John didn't want to get caught out there without a ride home when they needed it. Something was eating at him. He couldn't put his finger on what, but he didn't like it one bit.

He took the instrument McKay was toying with. "Is this thing gonna work?"

"Of course. Probably," Rodney said nervously. "Can I say one more time that this is a really bad idea?"

"C'mon, Rodney. Our bad ideas are usually the best ones," John joked. Then, activating the small hand-held device, he took the lead and started the hazardous trek across the wasteland. His newly expanded team followed behind, attached at the waist by the ropes like some sort of militaristic chain gang.

Sheppard chose his path based on the readouts he was getting. The theory was that this little machine would tell him which areas were more unstable and to be avoided. And it was working, to a point, but he didn't think Rodney would like the look of how much of the area was giving him an ambiguous reading. He tried to keep in mind that the solution to their problem was ahead and carved out the best path he could.

There were a few times when he would take a step and he could actually feel the ground beneath him shifting. It was an incredibly disconcerting feeling and it made the hair on the back of neck stand at attention. His team followed in his footsteps as closely as possible and they were doing pretty well until they hit the halfway marker.

Bringing up the rear, Capshaw placed his foot on the designated spot and the dubious footing gave way. As his feet lost their purchase, he dove forward, his body seeking firmer ground, but the added weight only caused more of the sediment to plunge downward.

"Colonel!" he yelled as his situation became critical. It felt as though he were being sucked into a huge vat of quicksand, but instead of suffocating, he dropped into nothingness.

Sheppard turned in time to see Capshaw disappearing over the edge. The line attaching Mason to Ronon, the closest person to him, slammed taut and pulled the Satedan off his feet and dragged him backward toward the gaping hole.

"Brace yourselves!" John ordered while Ronon scrambled to get his feet underneath him and gain some traction. Before leaving Atlantis, they'd practiced what precisely to do if this were to happen, so they didn't waste time discussing anything. The four people still upright all threw their weight in the opposing direction and dug in, the hope being to stop the backward-moving momentum.

Ronon snarled, feeling nearly helpless to move. With Capshaw's lifeline attached to his waist, he strained to push forward, away from the pit.

"Pull!" Ronon managed to growl through gritted teeth.

They went to work. John, Teyla, Rodney, and Chelios, in concert, leaned into the ropes and began to haul Ronon and Capshaw away from their precarious positions. As soon as Ronon was far enough away from the opening, he managed to get back on his feet and assist his friends. A few minutes later, with a litany of four-letter words spewing from his mouth, Capshaw's head appeared above the surface.

"Are you hurt, Sergeant?" Teyla asked once everyone was safe and gathered together.

Mason tried to catch his breath while he shook his head. The expression on his face was a mixture of pure terror and profound relief. "I guess I had that coming, huh? This was my dumb idea, after all."

"How was the view down there, Mason?" John wondered.

"Dark, sir. Very dark."

 

* * *

 

It looked like they got lucky. They traveled the remaining distance without further incident and managed to breach the bunker without being spotted and holed up in an isolated corner of the hangar bay. Inactive for the moment, a Wraith Dart stared at them menacingly.

As they were all unhooking themselves from the nylon rope lines, John set about doing his job. "Ronon and Chelios, you're with me. Teyla, I want you and Capshaw to get Rodney to a computer. We need to get that EMP down as soon as possible. Remember, until we can get some back-up here we're on our own and we have no idea how many hybrids we may be dealing with, so  _try_  not to get caught."

With his last remark, John cast Rodney a sly glance and the sensitive scientist took notice. "Why did you look at me when you said that? You and Ronon get captured just as much as I do."

"I didn't mean you in particular, Rodney. I was just saying ..."

"In fact," Rodney continued on, "you probably get captured more than anybody. At least, I only get caught by the scary monster-type aliens, Kirk."

John rolled his eyes.

Teyla stood by watching the two men exchange friendly barbs. She had a terrible feeling that no matter what happened today, it would not end well for her. Every hybrid they sighted was another friend that was most likely lost. But no matter the result, she would deal with the fallout when this was over. For now, she chose to smile and enjoy what amusement she could.

 

* * *

 

John, Ronon, and Chelios stealthily moved down the mostly empty corridors of the bunker.

"Where is everybody?" Ronon asked. Up ahead, a set of metal double-doors squealed open and the men took cover. They watched as half a dozen hybrids walked out. They held position until it was clear and they carefully entered the large room. It was set up like a warehouse, but instead of your average storage, it was full of incubation pods. Most were empty, but in some John could see the outlines of human beings. Or what were once human beings.

"What do you suppose all these are for?" Chelios asked from behind them.

"Creating an army," Ronon responded.

"It looks like this rescue mission just turned into a search-and-destroy," John declared. "Whatever happens, we can't let Michael keep using these things."

"What's the plan?" Ronon asked.

They planted C-4 in strategic points around the room and planned to continue the original mission as quietly as possible. John would blow the explosives before they returned to Atlantis. But like so many of his best laid plans, it wasn't meant to be. The three soldiers hadn't gotten far when an alarm blared around the complex.

 

* * *

 

"Oh, no," said Rodney when the alarm went off. "There must be a watchdog program hidden in the system." He doubled his working speed and his fingers started flying across his computer pad.

"We're gonna have company," Mason told them.

"How much longer, Rodney?" Teyla asked, getting anxious. Capshaw was already on alert and had his P-90 trained on the entrance, waiting. She could hear the echo of rushing footsteps traveling through the passageway.

"I don't know. This encryption is incredibly complex," he explained, totally immersed in the data he was reading. "A few more minutes."

"Rodney, I do not believe we have a few minutes," she implored the scientist.

"Less talking, more working!" McKay stressed.

If she had been able, she would have helped him, but there was nothing she could do. With the rising din in the corridor, Teyla crouched in a defensive position over Rodney. He had had to break open a panel that was set low in the wall and intertwined his fiber optic link-ups with the wraith tech that powered the station. He was able to set up the interface, but it's physical position practically forced Rodney to lie down as he worked.

"C'mon, c'mon ..." Rodney murmured to himself.

"McKay ..." Mason hissed as the footsteps were now nearly on top of them. His trigger finger was poised at the ready and his eyes were staring down the sights.

"Colonel Sheppard," Teyla spoke into the radio, as she drew her gun. "We are under attack."

Seconds later, hybrids rushed the room and they opened fire.

 

* * *

 

He took one look at the trigger in his hand.  _Well, it'll make one hell of a diversion_. His finger clamped down and with a click, the huge warehouse lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July. It rocked the entire complex. The walls of the huge metallic structure vibrated at though it were enduring an earthquake. He fervently hoped that the Wraith shielding surrounding this place was up to the task of keeping the foundation intact.

With the noise of the explosion dissipating, they heard footfalls approaching their position. "Let's go," Sheppard ordered. While the hybrids inspected the carnage they had just caused, they would be closing in on Teyla's last known position. As they ran with their weapons at the ready, he could no longer hear any gunfire and a weight pressed down on his chest. He hoped they weren't too late.

When they reached the access point, where Teyla, Mason, and Rodney should have been, they ran into a group of Michael's foot soldiers instead. They managed to get some good shots off, killing a few before the remaining hybrids rushed them. The P-90 was a formidable weapon, a killing machine. In close quarters, however, he found it was only worth the broken nose you'd give someone as you slammed it into their face.

Blood dripping from his twisted, red nose, the angry hybrid laid his hands on John and threw him against the nearby wall. The wind temporarily knocked out of him, the hybrid closed in and placed a crushing grip on John's throat. In a state of blind rage, it failed to notice when John reached down for his sidearm and seemed surprised when he pumped three bullets into him. As Sheppard flung the sagging body of the dead hybrid off of him, he heard a horrendous cracking sound and Chelios shout in pain as a hybrid wrenched the soldier's shoulder out of it's socket. John turned his gun on Chelios' attacker and put him down. The colonel pivoted to aid Ronon, but saw that the Satedan had already taken care of it. He had blood spatter all over his front and made an intimidating picture as he pulled a long knife from the creature's throat.

Ronon searched through the mess for evidence of their comrades while John assisted Chelios. They had to immobilize his arm and shoulder until they could get him back to Atlantis for treatment. He wrapped the arm in a tight sling with his emergency bandage. "You gonna make it?" he asked when Chelios grimaced.

"Yes, sir. I'll be fine."

"Sheppard," Ronon called. With a nod of his head, Ronon indicated Rodney's equipment in a pile on the floor.

"Crap," John said. Knowing McKay as well as he did, he knew the scientist would never leave this stuff behind willingly.

He wouldn't allow himself to dwell on the fact that if Rodney was taken, then so was Teyla. He couldn't afford to think about what Michael would do to her. John was aware that Michael had a fascination with Teyla. He wouldn't go so far to call it feelings, but he knew he didn't like the way Michael acted around her.

"Listen, buddy," John told Ronon, pulling him to the side, "we need to locate McKay and the others sooner rather than later and Chelios isn't going to be moving very fast. I want you to go."

Ronon pursed his lips. He didn't like the idea of leaving Sheppard on his own in the hornet's nest, but he didn't see another way.

John, seeing his friend wasn't planning on arguing, continued. "You stay on your radio. Chelios and I will be moving around running interference, so hopefully, you won't run into too much trouble. The second you sniff them out, call and we'll meet up again."

Ronon nodded and said, "Good luck."

"You, too."

With a hand on his stunner, Ronon ran down the hall in the most likely direction they would've been taken.

John turned back to Chelios and rubbed his hands together. "Okay Lieutenant. Let's go give 'em hell."

 

* * *

 

Mason woke up surrounded by faces he didn't recognize. Teenagers, mostly. A few older men and women with small children huddled around their legs. He assumed, when his brain was functioning well enough to start assuming things again, that these were the missing Athosians. 

Teyla and McKay were still out cold next to him. What few of the elderly there were had all closed around Teyla. One woman had knelt down, lifted Teyla's head into her lap, and was stroking her hair. Mason stood up, a little shaky and still tingling from the experience, and started to take a mental inventory.  _Guns - gone. Knives - gone. Radio - gone_. His eyes wandered over the ceiling and the walls. There was only one tiny air vent, much too small for anyone to fit through. He stalked over to the bars of the cell the group was being held. He occupied himself by shaking each individual bar, searching for a sign of weakness to be exploited.

"Are you from the city of the Ancestors?" a small voice asked him. "Did you come to save us?"

Mason turned and saw a little girl that looked to be about five years old. She had dark brown hair and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen. She was clutching the hand of a sixteen-year-old kid with a mop of overgrown dark hair.

"You know about Atlantis?" he asked, continuing to wobble the cell bars.

"Oh yes," she answered him. "My mommy used to tell me stories about the city. It's my favorite."

"Yeah?" he said. "You ever been there, kid?"

The teenage boy the little girl was hanging onto, took the question. "Her name is Setisse and she was born there. We all lived there a for a time."

Mason cocked an eyebrow at the boy, recalling reading about that before, and returned to his tedious and, most likely, useless work. "Then you must know all about it."

"It was the best time in all my life," the boy responded.

They could hear the squeaking of the metal doors at the entrance to their prison. The Athosians all moved away from the cell doors and huddled together in front of their fallen leader, fearful of what would happen. Visits from their captors rarely ended well. Mason stood at the head of the group, ready to defend his teammates.

The kid warned him, "You must stay back. They take those that are the strongest."

"Kid, I have a job to do and I aim to do it," Mason said undeterred.

Four hybrids entered the cell. The one in the lead ordered, "Take her."

Two of the hybrids headed directly toward Teyla. The Athosians screamed in protest. As they got within reach, Mason sprang. He hit the closest hybrid with a right hook and went after the second one when he was hit from behind with an instrument not unlike a cattle prod. A sudden, powerful surge of electricity poured through his body, short circuiting his nervous system and making his knees buckle. One of the hybrids picked him up with his preternaturally strong arms and pinned Capshaw against the wall, allowing his cohorts to continue with their objective.

Unable to stand back and watch his leader and his friend be taken, the kid yelled, "Leave her alone!" and attacked the hybrids. He punched at the closest one he could reach, but the disadvantage in both size and strength proved too much to overcome. He was rapidly subdued, though he never stopped kicking and yelling as they dragged Teyla away.

After being released from the hybrids, Mason dropped to his knees and gripped his chest. His breath heaving, he sat tight and waited for the feeling to return to his limbs.

"That was a nice job," he complimented the teenager quietly.

Sullen, the boy said, "I was not able to help Teyla."

Mason shrugged his shoulders. "At least you tried. That's all anybody can ask."

He took in a few more labored breaths. He had to get out of there. He didn't know what they wanted with Teyla, but nothing about this place said good things. That, and he didn't want to be trapped in here when Colonel Sheppard found out she was gone.

"You got a name, kid?"

"Jinto."

"Nice to meet you, Jinto."

 

* * *

 

He gingerly opened the door while Chelios watched his six. Col. Sheppard was relieved when instead of an army of hybrids, he was only greeted by their weapons. It appeared they'd found the armory, because in addition to racks full of Wraith stunners, there were a variety of weapons from various cultures around Pegasus. Genii, Taranan, even some from Atlantis.

John helped himself to a few extra guns and handed some to Chelios. "Think it'd piss Michael off if we torched this?" he asked the wary lieutenant.

When all the answer he received was a smile, he said, "My thoughts exactly." He went for his C-4 and took only a small portion. With this much fire power, it wouldn't take much.

 

* * *

 

Teyla awoke when the table she was lying started to shake. Craning her neck around, she tried to ascertain where she was. She could see a table in the corner with lab instruments on it—syringes, test tubes, and the like—clattering around on a tray as the vibration around the room began to subside.

She tried to get up, but any real movement she attempted was in vain. Her wrists and ankles were tightly restrained. She started to struggle against the straps holding her. She had to break free. The leather restraints dug into her flesh, never giving an inch, but it didn't stop her from trying. She stretched over to one and attempted to tear through it with her teeth.

The entry to the laboratory swept open and Michael sauntered inside. Upon seeing Teyla's determination to escape, he commented, "You really should try to relax, Teyla. Tiring yourself will do no one any good."

Teyla glared at him in defiance.

Michael continued on with that disingenuous politeness that Teyla detested. "I knew you would come one day and I would like to apologize for your treatment thus far. You should not have been stunned so many times, but my faithful followers can sometimes get overzealous. But on the bright side, it has allowed me time to collect the samples I needed from you."

"What do you want from me, Michael?" she asked.

"You're special, Teyla. The wraith DNA you carry makes you something unique and very valuable to me. Your blood tests are already yielding some fascinating results," he explained. If the harsh, gargled tone of a wraith could be considered sweet, that was how Michael sounded. In his own twisted way, he was being warm to her. "Despite our history, I believe that you could be extremely useful to me, working alongside me."

Teyla grew nauseous at the very idea. "You murdered my people!"

Michael's mood flipped like a switch being turned on. "I made them better!" he yelled. "I made them capable! They are no longer helpless. They can now stand up to the Wraith!"

He made a concentrated effort to return to the polite creature he was previously. "Isn't that precisely what you've always wanted for them? Is that not, in fact, your dream, Teyla? I have made that dream a reality. I am the savior of the Athosians and soon, countless others will know the same freedom. We will rid the galaxy of the scourge that the Wraith have become. I am offering you the chance to become a part of it."

"I would rather die," she declared, fearless of the consequences.

He smiled. "I did not expect you to accept. But you will, in time."

A tall shadow loomed behind Michael, just out of Teyla's view. He whispered something into Michael's ear. "Take her back to the others," Michael ordered the watchful man. "I must leave you for now. Colonel Sheppard is making a nuisance of himself and I'm afraid I can no longer allow it."

Michael backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. The hybrid stood beside the table like a silent sentry and began to loosen the leather straps surrounding her limbs. The profound relief she held at hearing that John was not only still free, but fighting, was lost when she recognized the man in front of her. Teyla's heart shattered at the cold, almost dead eyes staring back at her from Halling's face.

 

* * *

 

"Teyla!" Jinto called out. "I was afraid you would not be returning."

She stepped into the cell being held open by Halling. She didn't miss the sad glance that Jinto gave to the man that was like her own brother.

She took Jinto's face in her hands and said, "It is wonderful to see you, Jinto. I am so sorry it is under these circumstances."

As she hugged the young man, she peered over his shoulder. Rodney and Mason both shot her quizzical looks. Her body language assured them that she was unhurt. As she separated from Jinto, the other Athosian survivors crowded around her. It had been over six months since she'd seen any of them and she had begun to believe she would never lay eyes on them again. She exchanged many hugs, many well wishes, and a few tears with her people. Those of them that remained.

Teyla was feeling uncharacteristically tired and sat down next to Rodney, with Jinto joining her on the other side. She stilled and observed Halling. He had watched everything that had gone on in the cell with apparent disinterest. Teyla marveled at how different he seemed from the creature that Golian became. He didn't seem to bear any rage or passion. He simply stood.

She leaned over to Jinto and asked lowly, "Would you speak with me about your father, Jinto?" She didn't want to hurt the boy, but she needed answers and there was no one here who knew Halling as well as his only son. "How long ago did he ...?"

"Father was taken a month ago," said Jinto staring at the floor. "I am ashamed to say that there were those among us who willingly followed Michael. They were convinced of his ability to defeat the Wraith. But my father ..." Jinto paused and lifted his head. "My father resisted until the very end."

Teyla could plainly see the proud glint that flashed in the young man's eyes. Jinto had grown so much since she last saw him. Not only physically. He was shaping himself into a fine young man, despite the atrocities he'd been forced to witness. Halling, her Halling, would be so proud. She stroked his face, beaming inside with immense satisfaction.

"He still speaks to me sometimes," Jinto continued without any further prompting. "Sometimes, he seems almost himself, but he can't quite break free of Michael's hold on him."

Jinto asked Teyla earnestly, "Can the people of Atlantis help him? Bring him back? I cannot bear to think of my father being imprisoned in his own mind."

"I do not know, Jinto, but we will try. I promise you."

 

* * *

 

Ronon slid through the bunker's hallways like a phantom, which for a man of his size and build, was a testament to his skills. Against his finely tuned instincts, he skirted around the patrols of hybrids marching down the corridors, instead of engaging and killing them. His mission was to find Teyla, McKay, and Mason and he'd leave the wanton destruction to Sheppard this time. Though he was loathe to miss it.

Ronon felt the effects of Sheppard's latest assault ripple through the building and grinned at the thought of Michael's base getting it's heart ripped out.

Through the din, he thought he could hear a pounding noise. It sounded like someone pounding on one of the metal doors. Ronon sped up and neared the source of the banging, hoping he'd found his friends.

"Open this bloody door!" the muffled voice inside yelled. "Colonel Sheppard! If you leave me here, so help me, I'll ..."

Ronon didn't tune into the empty threat coming from behind the door. He zeroed in on the Scottish brogue he remembered all too well. But it was impossible. Carson Beckett was dead and Ronon, enraged, was going to take out whatever monstrosity Michael had wearing his face.


	18. Hit and Run

Carson Beckett had spent the last two years of his life as a prisoner, forced to aid Michael in his research. More times than he could count, he imagined that his friends from Atlantis would march through the stargate and take him home. But Michael kept moving him from planet to planet and with every move, he knew his chances of rescue grew slimmer and slimmer. As the months wore on, the weight of what he was doing threatened to crush him and he slowly lost hope of ever escaping. In his darker moments, he had even entertained thoughts of finding a way to end it all.

Belief sprang to life again, when he felt the first shock wave rolling through the accursed base. Perhaps he hadn't been forgotten. Maybe today would be the day when he could finally leave. He didn't know for certain who it was out there attacking the base. It could be Colonel Sheppard or Major Lorne. It could be the Wraith. But he'd made up his mind. No matter who or what was out there, he was not going to stay here one more day. He wouldn't continue to help Michael with his plans to slaughter the innocents of the galaxy, even if it cost him his life.

He slammed his fists against the metal door and yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'm in here! Colonel! Somebody!"

He continued on, even when the next explosion sounded further away. "Open this bloody door! Colonel Sheppard! If you leave me here, so help me, I'll ..."

His heart stopped as the latch on the door squealed and the door opened. The first thing Carson saw was a very large gun in his face. His eyes tracked up the arm and saw Ronon. Before Carson could exhale in relief, the big man wrapped his huge hand around his throat and shoved him against the wall, pressing his stunner hard into his cheek. All those times Carson imagined his rescue, this wasn't one of the scenarios that came to mind.

"Who are you?" Ronon snarled in total contempt. "What are you?"

Completely and utterly thrown for a loop, Carson sputtered out, "Ronon! Ronon, for God's sake! What are you doin'?"

If it was possible, Ronon looked angrier. "If you think looking like that will keep me from killing you, you're wrong! Who are you?"

"Ronon, it's me, you daft bugger! I've patched you up enough times, you should recognize me by now!"

"Beckett's dead!" Ronon shouted and Carson deflated a little. So that was why no one had come for him. They hadn't forgotten him, they'd given him up for dead.

"Do I look dead to you? I'm a doctor, lad. You'd think I'd know if I was dead or not," Carson said.

In Ronon's livid bearing, he saw a question flit across his features. Ronon eased off him a bit and asked him, "Do you remember how we met? I was still on the run from the Wraith. Got knifed in the leg and you stitched me up."

Catching onto the game immediately, Carson corrected his friend. "Funny that's not the way I remember it. I remember you kidnapping Teyla and forcing me to operate on you—without anesthetic! I thought you were completely out of your head." Ronon's grip on him loosened to where he could properly breathe again. "I see I wasn't that far off," he added. "I pulled the wraith transmitter out of your back and you passed out."

Ronon dropped his hand entirely and backed away. He didn't lower his gun and Carson could see the conflict simmering in his friend.

"Ronon ..."

"Shut up," Ronon warned. "You're gonna answer my questions and I'm gonna let you live. That's how this is gonna work. Anything else you have to say can wait until we get to Atlantis and Keller can tell us exactly what you are."

Carson nodded quickly. He had been granted a reprieve and was headed back to Atlantis, which was all he really wanted. His friend's confidence and trust would come in time.

"Now," Ronon said lowly, "how well do you know the layout of this place?"

"Well enough, I suppose."

"Can you take me to where Michael holds his prisoners?"

The doctor nodded again.

Satisfied for the moment, Ronon indicated the door with his gun. "Lead the way."

 

* * *

 

"Sheppard," Ronon's voice boomed through his comms.

"Yeah," John whispered.

"I know where they are and I found something you're gonna need to see."

"Yeah ... that's gonna have to wait for a bit, pal. Standby ..." he said under his breath.

John was huddled behind a large, wooden crate in a storage room with his P-90 draped across his chest. Across the room, Chelios was in a similar position. The colonel stole a peek around the side of his hiding place, at the group of seven hybrids closing in.

That's it. Keep coming.

The hybrids hit the designated mark and went from being the hunters to sitting ducks. In one smooth movement, John leaped to his feet and swung his P-90 into his shoulder. He barraged the hybrids with bullets while Chelios completed the crossfire. In seconds, they were all alone again.

"We've gotta move," John told Chelios, as the lieutenant hurried toward him cradling his bandaged shoulder. They couldn't afford to get cornered in this room, so they hustled away.

"Ronon," he called, taking a glance over his shoulder. So far, they were in the clear.

His friend answered swiftly. "Sheppard, you good?"

"For now. Where are you?"

"Northwest junction, heading right," Ronon answered.

"Keep going. We're on our way," John ordered as he and Chelios picked up the pace.

 

* * *

 

"He has escaped, Master," the hybrid said nervously.

Michael sneered at his minion's discomfort. He reveled in their fear of him. To him, it was further proof of his success. His previous attempts at creating the perfect foot soldier had born mixed results and, in the end, most had proven too difficult to control. But his latest creations, the former residents of New Athos, were proving to be superior. They were strong, yet obedient.

"Colonel Sheppard is a thorn in one's side, to be sure, but he is predictable," Michael proclaimed. "Concentrate your efforts on the holding cells. That's where he is going."

"How can you be certain, Master?"

"Because the Lanteans never leave their people behind," Michael said with derision. The foolish sentiments they held onto would be their undoing.

"Yes, Master."

The hybrid stepped away to follow his command. Michael returned his attention to his monitor, where the computer was sifting through DNA sequences at an astonishing rate. When the machine found what he had been searching for, the shuffling images ceased and stopped on one, flashing base pair.

"Yes," he said in triumph.

 

* * *

 

"Will you sit down?" Rodney complained to Capshaw. Mason's pacing was starting to grate on his nerves. "Do you think we're going to escape through the hole you're wearing in the floor?"

"I'm thinking, McKay," Mason said, getting agitated himself, "and if I manage to wear a hole in the floor, you'll be the first one I throw down it."

Teyla was sitting next to the bars with little Setisse snuggled up in her lap, her own temper fraying with the antics of the two men. She was watching Halling with a discerning eye. His long hair was cut off and he appeared thinner, but Teyla knew better than to underestimate his strength. The hybrids were devastatingly strong. She'd learned this the hard way.

She was also beginning to see what Jinto had been talking about. Intermittently, he would meet her eyes and stare at her. There was recognition in his eyes, but he seemed stuck. It was though he were trying to speak, but had never learned how.

She tried talking with him, but was nothing she said seemed to make any impact. At best, he seemed confused. At worst, he was disinterested. Sighing in frustration, she supposed either was better than him being openly hostile.

McKay and Capshaw continued to badger each other and to Teyla's chagrin, it appeared that Mason was developing John and Ronon's enjoyment for pushing Rodney's buttons.

"What about you, McKay? You're supposed to be this great genius.  _You_  come up with a plan."

"I already have a plan. I'm planning on waiting for Sheppard and Ronon."

"That's it? That's the best you can do? I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed in you, McKay."

"Listen, this is nothing. At least we aren't trapped in a Wraith cell. Nothing beats sitting around, waiting to have the life sucked out you."

"Yeah, we're just waiting around to join the zombie apocalypse over here," Mason said, throwing a finger in Halling's direction.

Teyla grimaced. It hurt her to think of Halling in that way, but something Rodney said gave her an idea. Perhaps if simply speaking wasn't going to work, she should try another way. Halling was, essentially, part wraith now.

Teyla closed her eyes, took a few cleansing breaths, and tried to clear her mind. She reached out to him, searching for his mind, looking for a thread to grab hold of. That was when she felt it.

Her eyes flew open. Halling was intensely focused on her.

_Halling, can you hear me?_

With agonizing slowness, he nodded.

_Do you remember who I am?_

"Teyla," he spoke aloud.

_That's right._  The corners of her mouth perked up into a smile. At the sound of Halling's voice, Jinto sat up from the slumped over position he'd been resting in. Even Rodney and Mason ceased their verbal jabs to see what was happening.

"Teyla?" Rodney asked uncertainly.

She stretched out her hand to silence him. She could not allow him to distract her. She pointed toward Jinto.  _What about him? Who is he, Halling?_

"My son," he said.

Jinto stood up and walked up to the bars.

_We are prisoners, my friend. We must be set free._

At that, Halling violently shook his head as she felt some sort of barrier in his mind spring up. He stood up and yelled, "No! No! The Master forbids it. You are to stay and serve the cause."

The faces behind Teyla began to fall.

It was deeply embedded in the very biology of the Wraith that the queen was paramount, the ultimate authority. She prayed to the Ancestors that playing that role would assist her in wresting control from Michael.

She molded her mind to the barrier in his. She pressed in harder as she began to assert herself.

_Halling, he is not your master!_

"He is the Master. He brought us life."

_He stole your life!_

"No!"

Teyla was using her mind like a sledgehammer and she could feel the cracks in the wall.  _Free us._

Halling grasped his head and cringed, as though he were in pain. "I cannot!"

_Halling, do you see what you have become? Do you want that for your son?_

He locked eyes with Jinto, who reached through the bars. "Father ..."

Halling looked down at his outstretched hand and hesitantly touched Jinto's fingers. He pulled away as if he'd just burned himself, but to everyone's surprise, he reached again. Feeling the wall crumbling, she touched him again.

_We can help you. We can help your son. You only need open the door._

Teyla could feel his hesitation.  _Please, Halling._

He moved to the keypad attached to the door and punched in the code. The cell door released and popped open. Teyla saw Jinto going to his father and warned him off. She had managed to break through, but Halling was not ready for a full reunion with his son just yet. For the time being, he seemed content to stay off to the side, in the shadows.

Mason started to get the Athosians together, organized, and ready to move, while Rodney sidled up to Teyla.

"You did that? With your wraith telepathy thing?" he asked.

"Yes, Rodney," she replied.

"Huh. See, I didn't even think of that," he admitted. "Really nice work, Teyla."

Acknowledging the rather massive gesture that was for him, she squeezed Rodney's hand and accepted the compliment graciously.

 

* * *

 

The Athosian's prison was in an isolated section of the base. There was only one way in and one way out. The newly liberated group exited the main holding area and started down the long hallway to the main door that led to the rest of the building.

Mason and Teyla led the way, although they were both distinctly uncomfortable. Their party was extremely vulnerable. Most of the Athosians that remained were either too young or too old to defend themselves. Those few that were capable were completely unarmed. Since they couldn't contact Sheppard or Ronon, they decided to try and make their way to the hangar where they had entered the base, but they knew that the odds of them making it there were slim.

When the main door squealed open, Teyla's heart flew into her throat. To have come so far, only to have her people's bid for freedom dashed so soon was too horrible to think. She motioned for everyone to back away when she heard the fantastically familiar rumbling echoing off the walls.

"How much further?" Ronon asked grouchily.

"This is it. The Athosians are at the end of the passageway, there."

Teyla called out. "Ronon?"

His head snapped up and he answered, "Teyla?"

They both sighed in relief and Teyla rushed into the big bear hug waiting for her. Ronon lifted her off her feet in his excitement. Mason and McKay joined the get-together as Ronon set Teyla back down. The men slapped one another's shoulders in greeting.

"Dr. Beckett?" Teyla said in shock, when she spotted who was lurking in Ronon's great shadow. "Ronon, how ...?"

Rodney joined in, his jaw hitting the floor. "Carson?"

Carson longed to give his friends a proper hug, seeing them again after so long, but he didn't dare push Ronon's patience with him. His temper was holding by a hair and Carson suspected it would stay that way until they were all safe in Atlantis. "Teyla. Rodney," he beamed with his eyes growing glassy. "It's so good to see you both again."

The greetings were punctuated by a fierce Ronon drawing his weapon and savagely aiming it at Halling, who had approached along with the rest of the Athosian group. The silent man didn't react at all to the threat, but Jinto threw himself in between the two men.

Teyla placed her hand on Ronon's arm. "It is alright, Ronon."

"He's one of those things now."

"Yes, he is," she said calmly. "But he is also the one who released us. We are taking him to Atlantis to get help."

Ronon glared at Halling. Accepting Carson's presence was difficult enough, but adding another being to the mix that didn't belong was a lot to ask. For Teyla's sake, he acquiesced and the tension started to dissipate. Throughout the standoff, Rodney continued gaping at Carson.

"How did you ...? Where did you ...?" Rodney sputtered. "You're dead!"

"So I've been told."

Ronon rolled his eyes. "Ask questions later. Right now, we've got to get everyone out of here."

Teyla nodded in assent, but found it difficult to tear her eyes away from Carson.

"Sheppard," Ronon radioed, "I've got 'em." He listened to John speaking for a moment, then pulled his radio off his ear and handed it to Teyla. "He wants to talk to you."

She nimbly slid the comm unit over her ear and said, "John?"

She heard him exhale. "Thank God. Are you okay?"

"I am unhurt," she assured him. She turned away from the prying eyes watching her.

There was a pause before John spoke again. If he was feeling as she did, she knew that he was nearly overcome with a powerful sense of relief at the mere sound of her voice. Because when she heard the deep intonation of his, she was elated.

"Teyla, I want you and Capshaw to take your people to the hangar and wait for us there. Ronon will take McKay to get that EMP shut off and we'll get the hell outta dodge."

She nodded in response and immediately felt foolish, knowing he couldn't see her. He spoke again, "I'll, uh, see you then, okay?" Then, softer, he said, "Be careful."

"Be safe, John," she echoed. She slid the radio off and reluctantly handed over the only direct line to the man she loved.

Ronon repeated what John had already told him to the others. "McKay, you're coming with me. Capshaw, you and Teyla are taking the Athosians and ... Beckett ..." he spat out the name, "to the hangar to wait for the jumpers." He handed out some of his extra weaponry to the capable hands of Mason and Teyla. Rodney, grimacing as always when he was headed into the fray, screwed up his courage and joined the Satedan.

As a group, the soldiers and the refugees paraded toward the main doorway. Ronon, in the lead, carefully swung the door ajar and eyed the entrance to the primary part of Michael's stronghold.

"Get back!" he shouted, throwing his body rearward and narrowly avoiding the barrage of stunner blasts that pelted the door.

Before Ronon could pick himself up again, Teyla and Mason rushed to the door and slammed it shut.

"What was that?" Rodney yelled, his eyes wide.

"Hybrids. Lots of hybrids," Ronon growled.

"You mean after all we went through to get out of that cell, we're still trapped?" he said in total disbelief.

"Looks that way."

 

* * *

 

John and Lt. Chelios were in the clear when Ronon called. The intense weight on John's chest eased markedly when he was able to speak with Teyla. Being unable to talk to her, worrying about what she may be subjected to as a prisoner of Michael's was threatening to drive him mad. Then, hearing her silky voice on his comm, he was able to regain his ice-cold focus.

They were encountering fewer hybrids as they moved along to join up with their teammates again. It seemed like things were starting to go their way and experience had taught him to be highly suspicious when things got too easy. He began to scrutinize every detail as they passed through the corridors, searching for traps, bombs, anything that seemed out of place.

"Sheppard."

"Chelios and I are nearly there, Chewy."

"No, stay away! We're trapped," Ronon shouted at him, adamant. "Our exit's completely surrounded."

_Did you hear that sound, John? That was the other shoe dropping._  

John swore under his breath. His thoughts started swimming. He had to figure out how to get his people out. An idea popped into his head. It was a really bad idea, but it was all he could come up with and hadn't he just told McKay about the merits of bad ideas?

"Give the radio to McKay."

A second later, Rodney chimed in with a "yes?"

"Rodney, what would happen if I blew the power grid?" he asked seriously, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Are you completely insane?"

"Would it kill the EMP?" he asked in earnest.

"Well, yes, but it would also neutralize the Wraith shield. Do you have any idea what the sheer weight of this place would do to the planet surface without that shield?"

John pursed his lips. "I'm guessing it would start to crumple ..."

"... like an empty soda can," Rodney finished.

"Okay," John said, taking in the information. "Let me talk to Ronon again."

He impatiently waited the requisite few seconds for the radio to, yet again, be passed around.

"What?" Ronon said, his irritation at the situation clear in his voice.

"Okay, buddy, this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna wait for my signal and you and everyone else are going to haul ass to the hangar. You're gonna get as many as you can roped up. If I can get to you in time, we'll just borrow that Dart sitting in there. But if I can't get there, give McKay his surface density scanner and get the hell away from here," John ordered.

When Ronon didn't respond right away, he knew exactly what was happening. Ronon was about as happy with this plan as he was. John could picture his jawline getting tight, his brow wrinkling, and, of course, the growl.

"I'm not leaving you behind," Ronon finally answered.

"I'm not planning on sticking around, Chewy," John responded. "I'll be right behind you. Believe me, I plan on shooting the bad guys with you for a good long while yet."

There was another pause.

"Okay, fine," Ronon said complete with the growl, making John smile. "So what's the signal?"

"You'll know it when you see it," John stated. He was going to sign off, but he felt the need to say something else. He turned away from Chelios and spoke softer. "Ronon ..."

"Yeah?"

"If I don't, um ... You'll take care of her, right?"

There was a short pause. "Yeah. No worries."

"Thanks, buddy. Good luck," John said.

"You too."

John sighed and looked over to Chelios, who was obviously unsure about what he had planned. "Give me the rest of your C-4," he said, holding his hand out.

The lieutenant pulled the small brick from his TAC vest and set it gently in John's hand. "What do you need me to do, sir?"

John shook his head. "You just get down to that hangar and leave with everybody else."

"Sir, I can help," the young soldier protested.

"Not this time," he stated in no uncertain terms. He pulled one of his spare guns, emptied the magazine and proceeded to take the bullets apart.

 

* * *

 

On his own, John sped through the hallways. He wasn't too concerned about running into the hybrids anymore, since he knew where they all were. He arrived at the power room, where Rodney's equipment still sat, waiting for someone to use them. Well, he wasn't that someone.

He went to work planting C-4 charges around the room. Once everything was synchronized and set, he left. He couldn't blow them just yet. He had to give his people every chance to escape.

He returned back in the direction he had come from, back toward the holding cells.

 

* * *

 

Michael's minions had broken through the main door. Ronon and the other retreated to the inner barrier and barricaded themselves inside. All those who could were bracing themselves against the door, desperate to keep the hybrids out. The inward swinging entrance would start to slide open and the trapped people would fend off their would-be captors.

"What's taking Sheppard so long?" Rodney yelled, sweating as he strained against the door.

"He will be here soon, Rodney," Teyla said. "Just hold on."

 

* * *

 

John crept as close as he dared and threw the homemade charges. They slid across the floor and the hybrids were completely taken off guard when the small munitions blew up in their faces. With his P-90, he began mowing down as many of those left standing as he could manage, before his clip emptied and he was forced to make a strategic retreat. He could hear the pounding footsteps following behind him.

Good. Every step toward him was a step away from his friends.

 

* * *

 

They felt the full force of the concurrent blasts down the hallway. The metal building rocked and shuddered and the resultant noise was deafening. The children covered their ears, while the adults winced.

The hybrids that had threatened to come bursting through the door, gave up their pursuit to return to the main entrance. Those people that were braced against the inside of the door practically fell over when all resistance suddenly ceased.

The din still ringing in everyone's ears, Mason yelled to Ronon, who was right next to him, "I'm guessing that was the signal?"

"Yep!" Ronon returned with a nod and drew his stunner. "Let's go!"

Ronon threw open the door, follow by the frazzled and exhausted group. He started blasting every thing that moved, determined to see freedom.

 

* * *

 

There were few times that John was so glad that he pushed himself so hard in his workouts with Ronon. The hybrids were running at a wicked pace and had he not been in tip-top condition, his bid to draw the hybrids away from the others would have come to an end already.

His hand sought out a upper left pocket in his TAC vest. He grasped his last two micro-grenades and let them slide to the floor. He called on his tiring legs for more speed and dove for cover as they exploded behind him.

His body aching, he picked himself up and drew his gun. He didn't see anyone getting up, but he didn't have any more time to waste. He started jogging toward the power room.

 

* * *

 

They were nearly to the hangar when the next shockwave passed through. Lt. Chelios had rejoined them and Teyla carried Setisse in her arms as they ran.

She tried to keep her mind on the task of seeing her people to safety, but with every rumble of the building, her heart was with John. She reminded herself that the explosions were a sign that he was well. He was on the move and putting up a good fight. But, she couldn't bear that he was all alone.

Once they reached the hangar, Mason led everyone to the corner where they had deposited their ropes and other gear. He immediately set about reworking the ropes to extend them as much as possible.

Behind her, Ronon was calling John, but he wasn't getting a response. After several attempts, he just blurted out. "Sheppard! We're in the hangar. So, anytime now."

Ronon looked at Teyla and his face was like a stone wall.

"Teyla," Mason bellowed, "Get in this." He had already begun attaching her people together and was holding a place out for her.

She returned her gaze to Ronon. He gave her a barely perceptible nod and she said, "I cannot leave without John."

Ronon swept his radio off of his ear and placed it over hers. "Take this." He swiveled to Chelios and barked, "Gun."

Chelios reached with his good hand and delivered up his sidearm. Ronon pushed the gun into Teyla's hand and she accepted it.

Ronon wasn't interested in any goodbyes. He just told her, "Hurry it up," and went to assist Mason with the lines. She pivoted and ran to find John. That was when the building trembled again and the lights blinked out. From beneath them, they heard the most awful sound of metal bending and tearing. The room began to shake.

 

* * *

 

John had called to the marines guarding the gate and ordered them to contact Atlantis and tell them the jumpers would be needed in two minutes for a rescue retrieval. He entered the power room and double checked that nothing had been tampered with while he was gone. This was the last of his C-4 and if this didn't work, they were screwed.

When everything checked out, he checked his watch. He determined that it was now one minute from the time that the EMP had to be down. He set the timer and went to make a run for it. He had to make it to the hangar and when that bomb blew, this building was going to come down around his ears if he wasn't already gone.

That's when a hybrid with a charred face threw a monkey wrench in his intricately timed game plan. Right outside the power room, the burned hybrid took him by surprise and sent him flying across the floor back into the power room, with a crushing hit to the chest. John slid into the wall with a crunch. He went for his glock and aimed, but the monster was already on top of him again and it kicked the gun out of his hand.

John thought he heard Ronon calling through the comms before the hybrid picked up him up by the shirt and head butted him. Dazed, John cast a sidelong look at the timer ticking away, now into the single digits. He estimated he was only maybe twenty feet away. Way too close.

The jumpers would come through the gate. It would only take maybe a minute for them to fly across the fragile landscape and pick up his team and the Athosians. He closed his eyes knowing he'd done his job. They'd get away. His only regret was never getting to see what his life could have been with her by his side. He'd only gotten a taste and he wished he had time for more.

The C-4 exploded in a fiery inferno.


	19. Landslide

Michael stood at his computer console with his fingers splayed across the keys, staring at the double helix twisting as the wraith figures flashed by. The lab computer was running a simulation in gene splicing when all the surrounding equipment ceased to function and the lighting died.

"No!" he seethed. He was so close to the completing the next phase of his research. He had finally gotten the key piece of the puzzle from the samples he gleaned from Teyla.

As the building began to shake and the shrill shriek of tearing metal could be heard, Michael decided it was time to move on. Without the laboratory mainframe, he would have to piece his inquest together from memory, but he had a contingency plan that was already being set in motion. While he completed his genetic research and rebuilt his army of improved hybrids, his spies offworld were already forwarding his work among the chosen populations. The randomly tainted food supply would throw the Wraith into chaos and war among the different hives would break out.

He retrieved the tubes containing what remained of Teyla's samples and slithered toward the hangar bay to make his retreat.

 

* * *

 

The marines stood away from the eye of the stargate as the event horizon exploded in its typical fantastic spectacle. Two puddlejumpers soared through the wormhole and hit the atmosphere speeding toward their target.

The senior officer radioed his commander, updating him on the situation. "Colonel Sheppard, your ride is here."

Static buzzed in his ear.

 

* * *

 

"Yes, sir! We can't contact the colonel, either!" Chelios yelled in his earpiece. The dying building thundered around them, making it nearly impossible to hear. "I'll tell him!"

The Athosians were cinched up in Mason's makeshift safety harness and waiting at the open hangar door, but the team members had all refused to get hooked up. Spaces were limited and none of them wanted to take up a valuable slot that could be used for the civilians. Even McKay had tried to stay out, but Ronon had insisted. If the hangar self-destructed and they had to go overland, McKay and his machine would be essential in finding the safest route back to the stargate.

Ronon stood a few feet away from the group, staring in the direction Teyla had gone, when Chelios ran up to him.

"Ronon! Jumpers are inbound! They'll be here any minute!" Chelios shouted.

Ronon nodded and gestured that Chelios surrender his radio. With a quick motion, the young lieutenant placed it in his huge palm and returned to his position to wait for the cavalry.

A loud sheering screech came from the floor and massive crack appeared, exposing the sediment of the planet's surface below. People were getting knocked off their feet and the hangar's roof started to buckle. They couldn't wait any longer. Fastening the radio over his ear as he ran back to the group, Ronon yelled, "Go! Everybody out!"

McKay powered up his scanner and with a heart attack threatening, he stepped out onto the surface, followed by the Athosians he was leading. Chelios, Mason, and Ronon followed the group out, cautiously stepping in the footprints of the others.

 

* * *

 

Teyla ran as fast as her legs could carry her, despite the destruction surrounding her. More than once, she was forced to stop and climb through sections of debris where the building had crumpled. As she lifted herself over the rubble, the edge of a metal sheet bit into her palm. She barely noticed the trickle of blood streaming out of the cut.

Ronon's familiar voice broke in. "Teyla, we're heading toward the jumpers. We'll get everyone taken care of."

"Thank you," she replied.

"We'll wait for you, but you need to hurry. I don't see that place staying up too much longer," he urged her.

"Understood."

Feeling certain that her people were safe with Ronon, the only thought that consumed her was reaching John.

She reached solid ground again and resumed her rapid course toward the power room. Her head told her it was the most logical place for him to be, since he'd managed to knock out the shield, but hadn't returned to the hangar as planned. But more than that, it was the place her instincts drew her to. She knew she would find him there. She just prayed he was still alive.

After all she'd been through for the last six months and all the losses, John had been there. He'd helped carry her out of it and made her better than she was before. He had reawakened her to the wonderful possibilities ahead and she longed to live those out with him.

Teyla ran propelled by the unquestioned knowledge that if she lost him, she would not survive it.

 

* * *

 

Consciousness slowly crept in on him and all it brought him was torment. The gutted room around him bucked like a wild horse, sending searing pain lancing through his body and forcing his rattled brain back to reality.

He rolled his pounding head to the side and opened his eyelids on the scene in front of him. Surrounding him was complete devastation and for an alarming moment, he couldn't recall what had happened. The dead man slung haphazardly on top of him meant nothing. He had no idea where he was or why he was there. But, it only lasted for an instant.

An image blazed across his memory. He remembered seeing the C-4 ignite. He recalled being fiercely tossed, together with the hybrid, against the wall. He remembered the sickening crack his skull had made, the smell of burning flesh, and the feel of a large metal fragment slicing its way into his abdomen.

Tremors peeled their way through the space, eliciting an agonizing moan from John. He lifted his quivering arms and tried to slide the dead weight of the hulking creature off of him, but it was too painful and he just didn't possess the strength. He laid there, listening to the loud wheezing that came from him with every breath and was grateful when the black mercifully swallowed him again.

 

* * *

 

Rodney didn't have to lead them far, when he spotted the jumpers rushing toward them. His relief was profound as the burden of leading everyone to safety was taken off his shoulders. The flying ships came to stop in front of the group and, hovering as lowly as the pilots could manage, the rear hatches flew open.

Ronon shouted to the Atlantis personnel, pointing to the jumper on the left, "Get as many as you can into that one and head back to the city. This one," he shifted his finger to the other one, "is staying and we're gonna wait for Teyla and Sheppard."

No one dared question the Satedan's authority to give them orders. They all knew from experience, that it was exactly what Colonel Sheppard would do. They also realized that from Ronon's tone, it might have proven dangerous to argue anyway.

Mason proceeded to the hatch of the first jumper and started assisting people in unhooking and climbing in. He picked up Setisse and as he set her down to safety, she gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. Taken aback, he watched her sit down on the bench next to a petite woman and smile at him. He returned the little girl's grin with a half-cocked one of his own and reached for the next person.

Carson unhooked himself from the line of refugees headed to Atlantis. He gingerly walked the short distance to the second jumper and lifted himself inside. Ronon, keeping an eagle-eye on both Halling and Carson, watched as the doctor took his place. He marched to the jumper and thundered, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going where I'm needed," answered Carson. "I'm waiting for Teyla and Colonel Sheppard."

"No, you're not," threatened Ronon. "You're going to Atlantis, into a holding cell and out of my way."

Beckett stubbornly shook his head. "Listen, son. You and I both know that the colonel has a tendency to get himself in trouble and is probably hurt. He's gonna need a doctor. Now, I've been gone a long time, but I'm still a doctor and they're still my friends." He made note of Ronon's set jaw and pressed, "If ya want me to leave, you're gonna have to stun me and throw me onto that jumper yourself."

Ronon looked a little more intrigued at that option than Carson would have liked, but instead of getting a face full of Ronon's stunner, he watched as the worried warrior growled and said, "Fine."

Beckett smirked to himself. He couldn't believe that worked.

Ronon went over to help Mason get the first jumper loaded and on it's way. He kept a firm eye on Halling and they quickly crammed in all but a couple and the hatch slid shut. As the jumper readied to take off, a Dart emerged from the hangar and flew straight for the gate. Ronon knew their nemesis, Michael, had just escaped. Again.

 

* * *

 

There used to be a large generator in the center of the room, but there was a twisted heap in residence now. The outline of smoke and ash colored the walls and wreckage littered the ground. As Teyla entered the fragmenting power room, a huge section of the floor caved in and she struggled to keep on her feet. She kept moving forward, scanning the room for any sign of John and when she reached the far corner, she found them.

The hybrid lay on top of him, badly burned and riddled with shrapnel. She didn't see John at all, at first. They were both surrounded by debris and the huge man was nearly completely covering John's entire body.

"John!" she shouted. She recognized the U.S. Military issue boots sticking out and frantically pulled the dead hybrid off of him, hopeful that the hybrid's body had sheltered John from the brunt of the explosion. As the huge man slipped to the side, her heart sickened as she saw the extent of the damage.

The obvious trauma was contained to his right side, the side that had been exposed to the detonation. He had burns on his leg where sections of his pants had been scorched into tatters and a jagged shard of sharp metal near his hip, sticking at least six inches out of him. She sank to her knees beside him. He was pale and she could see bruising around his eyes. His ears were bleeding and there was a red puddle slowly forming under his head.

She fought off her immediate fear and checked for a pulse. The faint thrumming under her fingertips reassured her that all was not lost yet. With all the noise in the room, she had to lean in to hear his breathing and she almost wished she hadn't. Teyla was no doctor, but in her lifetime she had seen enough of death to know when it was coming.

"John," she spoke, tears threatening to fall, "John, wake up!"

After repeated attempts to revive him and fighting back the panic rising in her gut, she wiped the moisture pooling in her eyes and cleared her throat. She needed a new exit. Without John's help, she would never be able to get him back to the hangar with all the obstacles standing in their way.

 

* * *

 

"Ronon," she radioed.

With his instantaneous reply, she knew that he was eager to hear from her. She didn't have time to waste with greetings and got straight to the point.

"I've got John, but I cannot ..." Ronon could hear her strangling back her emotions. "He is hurt very badly and I cannot wake him. I need another way out. Something closer."

In the back of the sole remaining jumper, Ronon stood up and stalked toward Carson, who was quietly sitting on the bench near the bulkhead door. Ronon handed over the radio and said, "You know the place. You tell her which way to go! Now!"

Carson nervously took the radio. "Teyla?"

"Carson! Where is the nearest exit from the power room?"

"Well, uh ... let me see, now ..."

"Beckett!" Ronon yelled.

"Hang on a second!" he fired back indignantly. "There wasn't a lot of call for a doctor in the power station. I need to think!"

Carson closed his eyes, stroked his chin, and tried to picture the base. "Teyla, luv, turn left coming out of the room, head straight down and turn left again at the second corridor. There should be an exit at the end of the passageway."

"Thank you, Dr. Beckett," she replied.

"And Teyla," he added before Ronon snatched the radio back, "how bad is he?"

Teyla's voice cracked as she answered, "He is dying, Carson."

 

* * *

 

Teyla's grip was locked under his shoulders as she dragged him away. She pulled as hard and as fast as she could possibly go. Despite her excellent physical conditioning, John still greatly outweighed her. It didn't take long for her muscles to begin to feel the strain, but the crashing of the building was reaching a fever pitch and there wasn't any time to rest.

A powerful quake rolled through and the walls surrounding them bent as though a giant foot had pressed them down. Teyla was caught and swatted to the floor and John along with her. As she was getting her feet back underneath her, she heard a groan escape from him and he twisted his head to the side.

"John!" she cried as she scrambled back to his side. His tired eyes peered up at her and a small smile appeared.

"... hey ..." 

Emotion welled up inside of her. Only seconds ago, she feared she would never hear his voice or see his deep eyes staring up at her again, but there he was. He never failed to surprise her.

But, their moment was short lived as another powerful upheaval slammed into the area. The walls, instead of being straight and tall, were starting to resemble bolts of lightning. John gritted his teeth, biting back a shout.

"We have to leave immediately. The building is coming down," she hurriedly explained.

"Where is everyone?" he breathed out. "Are they ... are they alright?" 

"They are safe. They are waiting for us, so we must go." She again positioned herself to drag him away from the disaster happening around them.

His trembling hands reached out and grabbed her by the arm. "H-help me up, Teyla," he said weakly, as he attempted to roll to his side on his own. She wanted to tell him to stop. She could see he was hurting himself, but the horrid truth was they would move faster if he was up and moving and despite the fact he was struggling for every breath, she knew he would waste all his precious energy arguing with her. So she did her best to help him and tried to minimize his pain.

With his arm slung over her, he leaned in and they walked according to Carson's directions.

"Ronon ... h-he ... let you ... come back here ... by yourself?" John asked at her side as the base thundered around them.

She nodded.

"You tell Chewie he ... he's fired."

 

* * *

 

"Move this thing!" Ronon yelled at the pilot impatiently. The poor man was maneuvering the complex piece of Ancient technology as fast as he could, but he was no Sheppard. He wasn't even in the Air Force. He was a marine. The jumper was closing in on Teyla's new position. According to Beckett, she and Colonel Sheppard would come out here.

"Ronon!" Mason yelled. "Let the guy do his job! Get back here and help me!"

In the rear compartment, things were busy. Carson furiously sifting through what emergency medical supplies were on board and he had put Rodney to work finding and converting items into something he could use. He had no idea what kind of conditions he would have to deal with and he wanted to be prepared for anything. Rodney kept insisting that they could be back in Atlantis in two minutes once Teyla and John were on board, but Carson knew better. He knew that, in medical terms, two minutes was a lifetime and if Teyla was right, John may not have two minutes to spare.

Mason shoved a long line of rope at Ronon. "Saddle up, partner," Mason quipped, "Now, pay attention." He started twisting and knotting the rope into an intricate pattern of knots. Rodney stopped working for a moment and watched the show.

Mason held up the finished product. "Got it?" he asked Ronon.

"Yeah."

"Good, make one."

Rodney's curiosity got the better of him. "What are you two planning?"

Ronon was too busy working to respond, so Mason explained his idea. "The jumper isn't gonna be able to get in too close to the bunker. We can't have it getting taken down when the building goes, right?"

When McKay nodded in agreement, he went on. "Well, Teyla and the colonel can't fly across the distance between there and here and it's too risky for them to take their chances."

"Ah, so you two are going to go get them," Rodney correctly surmised.

"Exactly, so I need you to run me through how to read your ... thingy."

Rodney, impressed with the plan up until that second, grimaced at the term 'thingy' in reference to his scanner. "I see."

Mason slipped into the newly formed harness and attached the other end of the rope to the bulkhead door with the click of a carabiner. Anchored to the jumper, he threw an extra line over his shoulder and listened intently to Rodney's lecture.

 

* * *

 

Teyla could feel him starting to sag and repeated again, "John, stay awake." She kept encouraging him to talk to her in effort to give him something focus on.

His head popped up a little. "I'm ... I'm feeling ... pretty bad, Teyla. I don't think ..."

"Just keep walking, John. We are nearly there," she commanded. She could already see the opening to the final passageway where they would find their escape. His stride faltered and she grabbed him tight to prevent him from falling. Getting him up had been hard enough before. If he went down again, she didn't think he would get back up. John clung to her, his head resting on her shoulder for a moment.

With a painful wheeze, he inhaled her. "I guess I'll never know ... how you do that ..."

"Do what"

"You always ... smell so good. No matter ... what ... you always smell good."

Teyla allowed herself a small smile. "That is not the truth and you know it."

"This ... is one time ... you can't argue. Bad ... form."

Her emotions were playing a cruel game on her. She wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. Even in his condition, he was attempting to put her at ease. He didn't want to hurt her, so he made jokes. Meanwhile, she could feel the truth screaming at her from the way he was moving, the way he was leaning into her.

"Wonder ... what my dad will say ... when ... when they tell him."

Teyla's eyes stung. She did not think John could remember his father was gone, and she worried about what that said about his condition. The only thing she could do for him now was get him home. She took on as much of his weight as she could leverage and sped up.

"H-hope they ... they tell him ... something good."

"You are not going to die, John Sheppard," she said with gritted teeth. "I won't let you. So keep walking!"

John looked at her with exhaustion etched into his face. "I never could ... resist you when ... you were mad."

They were nearly there. They rounded the corner and there was the exit, just as Carson promised. Teyla could see the cracks in the floor already. The entire section could go at any moment. But, they weren't the only ones in the doomed bunker seeking a way out. One of the remaining hybrids bowled into them from behind and set it's sights on Teyla. Unable to pull her gun fast enough, she flew into action. She battered the creature using the moves she dedicated herself to practicing everyday. While John was struggling to stay upright, her leg swooped toward the hybrid and she heard it's bones crack as her foot made contact with his chest.

But if the hybrid felt any pain, she couldn't discern it. With its unnaturally fast reflexes, it took hold of her knee and slammed his elbow into it. Teyla shrieked as the pain shot through her leg and the popping sounds reached her ears. The hybrid followed through with a crushing hit to her ribs, throwing her against the nearby wall.

As she attempted to recover, John mustered the last of his strength and came to her defense. He unsheathed his knife and sent it slicing through the hybrids ribcage, into the lungs. Finally seeming to notice it was injured, it backhanded John and he sailed downward. It crouched over the fallen colonel and with a sadistic grin, slowly pushed down on the shrapnel in John's abdomen.

Teyla could feel his agony down to her very core, as his yell ripped from his throat. John's face turned a horrible shade of red and he shook in anguish. She drew her gun and fired at the creature torturing him. The first shot hit it in back and it flinched and turned toward her. She shifted her focus and pulled the trigger. She emptied her clip into the monster's chest and it sank to the ground, dead.

Teyla pulled her injured knee underneath her and scrambled to John. He was still alive, but his body trembled and it wasn't because the base was threatening to come down on top of them. Teyla steeled herself and braced her legs. Unable to stand, she dragged John. She would collect herself, pull, and stop. Then she would regroup, pull again, and have to stop.

"John! Say something! Talk to me!" she begged as she dragged John over the fragile ground His silence petrified her. His eyes were open. He was trying to stay with her, but she could see he was struggling. She threw herself into the job, determined to get them out of there.

They reached the doorway and Teyla flung it open, exposing them to the harsh winds still raging outside.

 

* * *

 

"There they are!" Mason yelled over his shoulder. He and Ronon were already on the ground, stalking toward the building. With McKay's machine in hand, he was carving out the safest path to the pair, but when he and Ronon saw them, safety suddenly seemed less important than speed.

"Go, go, go!" Ronon yelled as they sprinted toward the pair.

Teyla was on the ground, obviously injured herself. And as the two teammates rushed onward, they saw the colonel wasn't moving at all.

 

* * *

 

The rear hatch flew open. Carson leaned over Colonel Sheppard as he was carefully placed on the floor of the jumper by Ronon. Mason had Teyla in his arms and handed her up to the Satedan. Tears were streaming down her face as Ronon took a place on the bench and cradled her in his lap. As soon as they were all on board, Capshaw shouted to the pilot, "Get us the hell out of here!"

Carson feverishly took the colonel's vitals, while Rodney attached the sensors to the portable defibrillator to John's chest. The heart monitor began to blip. "Radio Atlantis. Tell them to have a medical team standing by in the jumper bay and to prep for emergency surgery," Carson barked. "Dear God ..." he muttered under his breath. To John, he said, "I can't leave ya alone for a minute, can I?"

John stared up at the doctor and managed a half-smile. 

Must be dead. I'm seeing dead people, he thought. 

He gave Beckett a pat on the hand and his gaze wandered to the ceiling.

The heart monitor flat-lined.


	20. Returning Home

The two military men stood ramrod straight as he hesitantly opened the door. The older man with salt-and-pepper hair spoke first. His manner and uniform indicated he was an important man and one who had seen a lot in his time.

"David Sheppard?"

"Yes ..." he answered waiting for the hammer to fall.

"You're the brother of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard?"

He nodded.

The man extended his hand and with a quick, firm handshake introduced himself. "General Jack O'Neill."

His companion, a man about John's age, stepped forward and did the same. "Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sheppard."

At the moment, Dave didn't have the patience to tolerate any more pleasantries. In this situation, following societal rules of polite conduct seemed to be an insult. One minute, he's reading the first letter from his brother in a long time and the next ...

Gen. O'Neill asked, "Do you mind if we come in?"

Dave shook his head. He was the son of Patrick Sheppard, a tough son-of-a-bitch through and through, and he was a powerful businessman in his own right, used to running a board room full of petty, self-possessed pricks. He wasn't going to sit back and take this quietly over coffee.

"Why don't you just say what you came to say? You know ..." he paused, "I really hope that whatever it was that John did for you people was worth it. Because, right now, I just don't see how it possibly could be!"

The general looked at him with an understanding that came from experience. "Mr. Sheppard, we really need to talk."

 

* * *

 

The marine piloting the jumper called back. "Dr. Keller is requesting to know the nature of the colonel's injuries."

Carson reached into the emergency medical supplies and pulled out a syringe encased in a plastic cover. He ripped the packaging with a ferocity of man facing a deadline. "You tell her that Col. Sheppard was in bloody close proximity to an explosion!" As a doctor, that would be more than enough information to paint a grim and, unfortunately, accurate picture.

Carson raised the syringe loaded with adrenaline above John's chest.

Ronon's arm snaked around Teyla's neck and pulled her face into him. This wasn't something a loved one should ever have to see.

The doctor brought the long, forbidding needle down hard, sending it between the ribs and straight into the colonel's heart. After pushing down the plunger and sending the drug into John's body, Carson moved to his chest and started compressions. He counted out a steady rhythm for himself and pressed down in cadence. After only a few strokes, Dr. Beckett heard the familiar sound of a rib snapping, but he didn't slow. John's still, empty eyes staring at the ceiling spurred him on.

"Come on, Colonel," he said. "You don't wanna go out like this."

 

* * *

 

"Have a seat," Dave said, waving to the couch in the living room. The decor of the formal space was one of the many holdovers from his father. It was a space used for business functions and cocktail parties. It hadn't been touched in the months since he'd moved in, except by the maid.

The men removed their hats and sat down. Dave poured himself a drink and sat across from the general. He didn't offer them one. He could picture the look on the old man's face at his treating guests that way. Disappointment. Dave had lived his life trying to keep from disappointing his father, but look where it had gotten him. Despite the extensive social circle he ran in, he lived alone. He'd had to bury his father and now his brother.

"John must really be doing something right if they've got a general and a colonel delivering the bad news." He added with a haunted tinge to his voice, "Well ... I suppose that's 'been doing' now, isn't it?" He took a big gulp of his brandy and waited for one of them to say it aloud and end this.

 

* * *

 

"Penetrating trauma to the abdomen. Skull fracture. He's been down for about two minutes. Adrenaline's on board. We need to get him on a ventilator straight away. There's a lot of fluid building up in his lungs and one may have already collapsed," Carson rattled out, never once missing a beat in his chest compressions.

"Get that gurney in here!" Jennifer shouted at the stunned medics, who jumped back into action. In a flash, the jumper swarmed with Atlantis' medical team. In perfect synchronicity, they shifted John's limp body onto the gurney and wheeled him off to the infirmary.

Left in their wake, a wall of silence ten feet thick penetrated the heart of the jumper bay. Dr. Cole hovered over Teyla gently questioning her about her injuries, but getting nothing. The teammates didn't move. Mason stood in stony silence near the bulkhead, Rodney sat on the bench, his eyes locked on the pool of blood gradually spreading across the floor. Ronon stared at the wall straight ahead, while Teyla held onto him like a lifeline.

"Ronon," Sam said, seeming to them to appear in the jumper like a phantom. She squeezed his shoulder, breaking into his trance. "Teyla needs to go to the infirmary."

Pulled back into reality, he stood up, and ignoring the wheelchair they had standing by, he carried Teyla to the infirmary himself.

 

* * *

 

"Why you? Why did you come here? You could have let someone else do this," Dave asked the general, honestly curious. The car hummed as it slipped into gear and started down the long driveway leading away from the Sheppard estate. He sat in the backseat flanked by Gen. O'Neill and Col. Mitchell, with his briefcase resting against his knees.

"Sheppard might've ... saved my life a time or two," Jack admitted reluctantly, "and I thought ... well, I probably owe him at least this much." He tugged at his collar and fidgeted in his uniform. "He damn well better appreciate it, too," the general muttered to himself.

Dave stared out the window at the scenery flying past. It was hard for him to imagine his younger brother saving anybody's life. As his older brother, most of the time all he saw in John was a young, stubborn kid, running away from his real life. But from what the general told him, that _was_ his life. He saved people.

Dave reached up and, stretching his hand out, rubbed his temples. His father had said that John's decision to "run around and play soldier" would get him killed one day. It had been Patrick Sheppard's greatest fear regarding John's decision and the driving force behind his hard-nosed campaign to get John to see things his way. He hadn't wanted to bury his son. Instead, all he had managed to do was drive an even deeper wedge between them.

At least his father had been spared this.

If he had lived to see this, it would have killed him anyway.

 

* * *

 

In the infirmary, John lie still, a white tube protruding from his throat while a dedicated nurse bagged air into his compromised lungs. Someone had taken a moment during the mad rush to save his life to close his unseeing eyes.

Carson was tiring. One of the nurses reached up with a towel to wipe his sweaty brow. Jennifer pushed another round of adrenaline and suggested that she take over compressions, when the heart monitor gave a solitary blip.

"There ya go, lad!" Carson shouted, ceasing his work, glued to the heart monitor. "Just give us a wee bit more ..."

Another blip answered his request. Then came another. Then another.

"That's it, Colonel," Dr. Keller said, unconsciously rubbing John's arm, not daring to start celebrating yet. "Come on ..." The beats slowly leveled out into a slow but steady rhythm and all the medical staff surrounding his bedside collectively exhaled.

 

* * *

 

"You can't be serious!"

Rodney's angry voice echoed through the infirmary. Ronon and Teyla heard the dust-up beginning from her isolated bed. Dr. Cole cringed, knowing what was going on, but focused on the task at hand. She wrapped Teyla's swollen knee and propped it up on the bed, while Teyla lay leaning into Ronon's side.

"That's not too tight, is it? Don't worry it isn't staying on for long." The young doctor talked to Teyla in a constant hum, even though Teyla had still not spoken a word to anyone. "Do not move that leg, okay? I need to get some photos of it and we'll see what the damage is. Are you hurting anywhere else?"

As expected, Teyla didn't acknowledge her, seemingly lost in her own world, shutting out the pain of this one. The doctor cast a pleading glance at Ronon, who was no help. His only concerns were with Teyla and with what was going down in Dr. Keller's office.

Ronon craned his head in the direction of Jennifer's office where several other voices were raised.

"Rodney, we can't just ..." Sam responded.

"Your wrong, Sam! This is wrong!" Rodney continued. "Did you see what he just did? I don't care if he is a clone. He is Carson Beckett."

Carson broke in, "It's alright, Rodney."

"No, it most certainly is not!"

Even the ordinarily soft-spoken Jennifer was losing it. "We really don't have time to argue about this!"

Teyla nudged Ronon, indicating he should go. "I'll be back," he grunted. He carefully shifted off the hospital bed and stalked toward the arguing crowd. As Teyla straightened herself and settled back in, Dr. Cole saw her stifle a wince.

Sam said, lowering her voice, "I know you want to believe this is Carson. I know you want your friend back, but we have to be sure. We have to make sure he is who he says he is."

Ronon loomed in the doorway, ready to kill something. "What's going on in here?" he growled. Among the arguing group, Carson was flanked by two armed marines.

"They're taking Carson to a holding cell," Rodney explained, knowing he wasn't going to find an ally in his argument. Ronon had made his distrust of Beckett perfectly clear on the planet.

"So?"

Jennifer answered. "So ... Colonel Sheppard needs surgery. Now. Very extensive and very risky surgery. He's being prepped as we speak and I need every pair of hands I can get."

"But Colonel Paranoid over here," Rodney interjected, "is worried he might be too big of a security risk."

Jennifer shut her eyes and groaned. "That isn't helping, Rodney."

"Well, it's true. She's being completely unreasonable! Do I need to remind you that if it wasn't for him, Sheppard would be dead already?"

"No, McKay. You don't!" Sam volleyed back. "It's the only reason we're all even having this pleasant discussion!"

"Rodney, why don't ya go get yourself something to eat while we settle this?" suggested Carson. "Think of your hypoglycemia," he added with a wink. Amid all the chaos, he recalled one thing. There was astounding therapeutic value in teasing Rodney McKay.

"Get serious, Carson."

Sam sighed, knowing that their backs were all up against the wall and if circumstances were different, there wouldn't be an issue. They would have the time to do a proper investigation and determine this Carson's status. But as things stood, they were all stressed out, sick with worry, and asking her to take a leap of faith. She turned to Ronon. As the most suspicious one in the group, she could rely on his judgment the most.

"What do you think, Ronon? Do you think we can trust him?"

Ronon scowled as he considered the doctor in handcuffs. "If he wanted Sheppard dead, he could've let him die on the jumper. Let him work."

Carson's jaw dropped for a second before he recovered. Rodney next to him, gaped in shock. Sam nodded to the marines and the cuffs were removed from his wrists. "Dr. Beckett, I'd like you to provide the medical staff with a blood sample before you scrub in," Sam requested.

"Of course," Dr. Beckett replied. As the group started to file out of the overcrowded office, Carson stopped to thank Ronon for having faith in him. He would never forget the hard expression that he received. Pent up rage and outright frustration threatened to consume the warrior.

"Look, I don't know if you're Beckett or not. Just save him."

 

* * *

 

_"Dave! Come on!" shouted the four-year-old running ahead of him, slicing through the trees._

_His legs run as fast as they could, but he couldn't catch up. "John, stop! Wait!"_

_He stopped. His heart thudded in his chest. John kept running out of sight. "John!" he yelled after him. He could hear his brother's laughter echoing through the canopy of leaves. The sound surrounded him until he could no longer tell which way it was coming from. He couldn't remember which direction to run. "John, come back!"_

Dave woke up with a shudder. Realizing he had dozed off against the window, he quickly straightened up. The vast blue expanse filled the portal to the skies. And not a single cloud, he thought.

"You okay?" asked Mitchell, who was seated in the chair next to him.

"Yeah, I guess. Are we getting close?"

"Not long now," the colonel said. "You're lucky. I never could sleep in these things. I guess I was just meant for the pilot's seat, not riding in the back."

"You know, John used to collect model planes when he was a kid," Dave said without really thinking. It just slipped out.

"Doesn't surprise me. Most pilots I know did. I was guilty of it, myself," said Mitchell, bobbing his head. "Flying gets in your blood early and never lets go."

He wondered if that was true for his brother. He had been so consumed in his own stuff, it had never occurred to him to ask.

 

* * *

 

Jennifer and Carson tiredly yanked off their gloves as they watched John being wheeled to post-op. The surgery went about as well as they could have asked for. His damaged lungs were being regulated by the ventilator. He was on medication to help prevent his brain from continuing to swell and the pressure levels inside his fractured skull were being closely monitored. This allowed them to concentrate their efforts on removing the shrapnel, the most pressing threat to his life for the moment.

As they lifted the shrapnel away, he bled heavily, but they managed to keep him stable transfusing with the blood they had on hand. It took hours and countless surgical sutures but, they managed to put the pieces of their friend back together again.

Jennifer pulled off her mask and stretched. With her circulation on the move again, she said, "We should check in with Teyla before Dr. Cole rolls her in here. Did you get a chance to look at her scans?"

"No, I was giving up my DNA to Col. Carter," he stated.

"Right ... I am sorry about that, Carson. I'm sure things will settle down once the test results are back," she apologized. "If I didn't get the chance to tell you earlier, it is really good to see your face again. You've been missed around here."

"Thank you, Jennifer. It's good to be back. What were you saying about Teyla's scans?" he redirected. He realized guiltily that while he was so consumed with treating John, he hadn't even asked Teyla if she was alright.

"She'll be fine. She has a few cracked ribs, but her knee's the biggie. It's a real mess. I figured we could stop by and let her know how John is doing, before she comes in for surgery."

Responding to Carson's confused expression, she realized he probably had no idea. "Teyla and Col. Sheppard have been ... seeing each other for a while now."

Dr. Beckett looked as though she could knock him over with a feather. "Really? How long has this been going on?"

"Oh, who really knows with those two? You remember how they always were with each other. Like they were always dancing around things, never quite meeting in the middle ..." she mused. "Well, things got serious a few months ago and ever since ..." she said with the overhanging sadness leeching in, "... they've been just ... really happy together."

Carson wrapped his arms around Jennifer and gave her a caring squeeze with his thick arms. "Don't worry. If anybody can come back from this, it's Col. Sheppard, and it sounds like he's got plenty to fight for."

Jennifer smiled sweetly. "I'm really, really glad you're here, Carson."

They walked together toward the main infirmary, when Dr. Cole popped her cropped blond head around the corner. "You two didn't poach my patient, did you?"

Jennifer's eyebrows bunched. "No, we've had our hands full. Why? Where's Teyla?"

"That's the thing. I don't know."

Carson offered. "I'll bet I could have a guess."

 

* * *

 

Waiting for hours for John to get out of surgery took it's toll on her. As much as she took comfort in Ronon's near constant presence, he wasn't John. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep, hoping Ronon would take the chance to stretch his legs or something. She wanted some time to herself, time to not have to worry about what the doctor wanted, what the nurses needed to check, or even keeping up appearances of strength for her loving friends.

Mason played her unwitting accomplice by convincing Ronon to get some dinner from the mess hall while she 'slept'. None of them had eaten since they'd left for the planet early that morning and the lack of nutrition wasn't helping any of their moods.

In her own secluded corner of the infirmary emptied of all but her, she curled up in her blanket as much as her leg would allow, ignored the painful twinge in her side, and buried her face in the fluffy pillow. She wouldn't allow herself to cry, because she knew that if she started, she wouldn't be able to stop, but a few rebellious tears managed to break away and run down her face anyway.

Teyla closed her eyes and tried to picture the last morning she and John had woken up together. It was only this morning, but it seemed like it was forever ago. So much had changed in the hours since. They had slept later than they had intended and had to rush to get dressed and get down to the locker room. But just before they left his quarters, he had kissed her. With his lips locked to hers, he had mumbled something about going back to bed and postponing the mission for an hour or two. The memory of his smile when he graciously accepted her word that they had to go warmed her. She wished in vain that she could rewind the day and take those hours he had jokingly offered.

After another few lifetimes of waiting, Teyla could hear the nurses nearby chattering to each other, saying that John had made it through surgery and was headed to the post-op ward. She knew that Dr. Cole would return for her soon and she couldn't wait any longer. She had to see him. She had to, in order to reassure herself that he was still here, that he hadn't disappeared from her life in a proverbial puff of smoke. Teyla limped, or rather hopped, over to a lonely looking set of crutches and that's where they found her.

She gazed through the window to post-op, focusing on him. Underneath all the tubes and wires and machines, she could see him. Despite the injuries, he still looked like him. The lines on his face she was intimately familiar with were still there. His hair was as messy as ever. She wished she could go in and sit with him, but it wasn't permitted. Post-op was strictly for medical personnel. Because of the risk of infection, they had to keep it as sterile as possible. She touched her hand to the glass and hoped he somehow knew that she was there waiting for him to return.

"Teyla, luv, I'm afraid you've been running around with the colonel and Ronon too long," said Carson from behind her. "I knew eventually you'd start picking up their bad habits. Come along, dear. You've got an appointment to keep."

She allowed him to sit her down in a wheelchair he'd brought along and he returned her to Dr. Cole's custody.

 

* * *

 

It was in the early hours of the morning, but Jennifer and Carson had set up camp in her office. The regular reports she was receiving on John were not encouraging enough for her to feel comfortable going even as far as her quarters. She wanted to be nearby, just in case.

Beckett's blood tests had also come back and he'd gotten the debriefing of his life. The shock of finding out he was, in fact, a clone of the late Carson Beckett had been a tough pill to swallow. But with knowledge came freedom. Well, more freedom anyway. Sam hadn't pulled the guard detail on him, but she did scale it back and allow him more room to breathe. He was hanging in there with Dr. Keller, because, in part, he didn't have anywhere else to go yet and, in part, because clone or not, he was who he was—a dedicated doctor and loyal friend.

Jennifer took the latest report from the night nurse and flipped through it drowsily.

"Any improvement?" Carson asked.

"No. His intracranial pressure is still rising. He should have leveled off by now, Carson," she said.

"Blood pressure?" he questioned, resting against her desk and folding his arms across his chest.

"The same. Still low."

Jennifer shook her head, not sure what to do. Wait-and-see was becoming less and less of an option. If his brain didn't stop swelling inside his skull, she would have to open up his skull to relieve the pressure to minimize brain damage. But he was still so weak from the operation earlier, she didn't want to put his body through more if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"What would you do?" she asked. It was hard not to fall into old patterns with him. It was her department, but she still thought of him as her boss.

"I'd do the same thing you are. Do what I can and leave the rest up to the patient."

A funny thought sprouted from her exhausted mind. "Well, it's the colonel. He may just sit up and decide to go take on a Wraith Hive or something."

Carson chuckled, absentmindedly shuffling through the various papers and scans on her desk with his fingers. "I suppose even that would considered an improvement, wouldn't it?"

While Jennifer tamed her case of the giggles that had suddenly hit her, Carson found a new set of scans. Holding them up, he asked, "Are these Teyla's post-op pictures?"

She nodded and he held them up to take a look at Dr. Cole's expert handiwork. The knee would take a while to heal, but it would eventually be as good as new, and Jennifer was correct in her earlier assessment of Teyla's ribs. They were simple hairline fractures. A spot on the photo caught his eye, though.

"Jennifer, did ya see this?" He held the scan out to her and pointed to it.

"Huh ..." she murmured. "No, I didn't. It could be a hiccup with the scanner. Even Ancient technology gets a few glitches every now and then." She thumbed through her stack and pulled Teyla's pre-op scans. It was present on those as well.

"Do ya still keep back-ups of the scans in the database? We could pull it up on the computer and magnify it. Maybe get a closer look?" he suggested.

"Good idea."

She opened her laptop and searched through her most recent files and pulled up the computer rendering of the image.

"There," Carson said, pointing to spot. With a few clicks of the mouse, she blew up the figure.

"Would you look at that?" she exclaimed.

A commotion coming from the infirmary interrupted the discovery. An out of breath nurse ran into the office. "Dr. Keller! Colonel Sheppard is seizing!"

The pair flew to their patient's side. John was violently convulsing. Blood ran where the IV had been ripped from his arm. The ventilator tube had torn away, leaving him without oxygen. Most frightening of all, in his abdomen, where they'd spent most of the afternoon and evening repairing the shrapnel damage, a giant, red pool was oozing through the bandages and through his hospital gown.

 

* * *

 

Jennifer and Carson fought for as long as they could, but John's injuries proved too severe. As fast as they worked, plugging and sealing the holes in his shredded internal organs, they couldn't outpace the bleeding. They would've gone through all that remained of their blood supply, though, if it had made any sense. They simply didn't have enough hands or the supplies they needed to bring John back.

Dr. McKay was in the infirmary that night, dealing with one of his bouts of insomnia. He was sitting with Teyla when John had crashed. He saw them running to his aid and watched them with a heavy heart as the reality sank in that he wasn't going to survive. That's when Rodney did what he was so very talented at. He pulled a rabbit of a hat. It was a long shot, but anything was better than what they had. Instead of saving him, they set their sights on just getting him stabilized enough for a quick change of venue.

Now, with sunrise rapidly approaching around the great city, they stood in front of the active stargate in their blood-soaked scrubs. John lay on the gurney, covered by a fresh blanket that hid the horrific truth underneath. Everyone on duty in the tower had stopped whatever they were doing and fallen silent.

"Are they ready to receive him?" Jennifer called out to Chuck.

When Chuck couldn't seem to get the words out, Amelia stepped in. "Stargate Command is standing by, Dr. Keller."

She nodded. "Take him."

The two medics at her side went to work. One pulled the gurney toward the gate and the other pushed the portable ventilator. Right behind them, Dr. McKay stepped through the event horizon and disappeared.

As the gate shut down, the tears that had been threatening to fall flowed freely. It's his best chance. She repeated that over and over in her head.

 

* * *

 

The early morning sun beat down through the windows, rousing Teyla from the anesthesia-induced stupor that had been her sleep that night. Teyla's heavily bandaged leg felt like it weighed a ton.

She turned her head and was greeted with the sight of Ronon snoring in the chair next to her. On the opposite side of the bed, Dr. Keller and Carson had both nodded off. Jennifer's head lay on the bed near Teyla's hip and Carson had fallen asleep sitting up with his arms folded over his chest. Even at rest, they both looked exhausted.

Teyla reached out to stroke Jennifer's hair, gently urging her awake. "Jennifer," she spoke softly.

Keller snapped up straight, unaware that she had fallen asleep. She hadn't meant to. Looking to her side, she gave Carson a quick elbow to the ribs, sending him into a similar state. Searching for his assailant, his eyes landed on Teyla, who had finally woken up. "Ah, good. You're up."

Teyla's mouth turned up at her fumbling friends. It was gratifying to know in her heart how much they cared for her and for John, but she knew by the looks that were settling in that something had changed.

"We wanted to talk to you," Jennifer told her. She glanced at Ronon. "It would be good if we could talk in private. Maybe, we could wake him and see if he'd give us some room."

"It is alright, Dr. Keller," Teyla said. "but I doubt you could get him to leave. He has been most stubborn on the entire subject. I am sure he will remain asleep. He is quite tired."

Carson nodded in agreement. "As are we all."

The doctors scooted in closer to the bedside.

Jennifer started. "John had a setback last night."

The words hit Teyla like a hammer, but she steeled herself. She was determined to maintain her composure and hear them out. While she listened to Jennifer explain what had occurred, her hand resting on the mattress, dug in and gradually tightened on the sheets. She heard her say that he was gone, taken through the stargate to the SGC. Keller explained what the treatment plan was and what they hoped would happen, but written in their expression was doubt. They would never say it aloud, but they doubted John would survive that long.

"I want to go," she stated, interrupting Jennifer. "I need to be with John."

Carson stepped in. "Teyla, ya just had surgery. Ya can't go anywhere just yet."

Teyla refused to yield. She grit her teeth and swung her damaged knee off the bed, giving her overly tired caregivers a heart attack. "I will not lie here and wait," she emphasized, as she scooted closer to the edge of the bed. "If I must walk myself to the tower to Colonel Carter's office and speak with her about it, so be it, but you cannot ask me to remain here and do nothing."

Jennifer held up her hands in surrender. "Okay. Teyla, you've made your point. We'll talk to Sam about it, but you get yourself back into that bed."

Teyla, temporarily satisfied that they would keep their word, settled back against the mattress. Carson gingerly aided her in repositioning her leg. In shifting, a pain sliced through her side. Not missing it, Jennifer asked her if she needed more pain medication. She flatly refused. She did not want anything to dull her senses right now.

Jennifer lowered herself back down into her chair and sighed. "There's something else, Teyla. We found something in your scans." Reaching behind her, she produced a photo of the enhanced image she'd pulled up with Dr. Beckett. She handed it to Teyla, who stared at it in confusion.

"What is it?" she asked and with a sudden rush of fear, she added, "Did Michael ...?"

"No," Carson stated unequivocally. "This has nothing to do with Michael. I did a lotta work in his laboratory. I can guarantee ya, he had no part in this."

She nodded, accepting Carson's statement.

Jennifer cleared her throat, casting another scrutinizing glance at Ronon. "Teyla, that is picture of a very young ..." She paused, feeling her throat closing a little and tears stinging her eyes again. "That is your baby, Teyla."

When Teyla didn't speak or move or make any indication that she was comprehending was she was saying, Jennifer went on. "Ordinarily, we do a blood test to check for pregnancy, but the embryo is still so small that a blood test would never have detected it." With a small smile, she said, "I guess the Ancients have just one-upped us again."

Teyla closed her eyes, the reality sinking in. She was pregnant. John was going to be a father. Her resolve to be strong was crumbling.

"If you would not mind, I think I would like to be alone for a while."

"Of course," Carson said as they both rose. Before walking away, he squeezed her shoulder. "Congratulations, Teyla."

Staring intently at the wall in front of her, she managed a small 'thank you'. The moment her body sensed she was alone, all the walled up emotions came crashing in on her. Tears flowed unhindered. She curled up in the bed and her body racked as she broke down. She gasped for air as the anguish in her heart tore at her. She buried her head in her pillow and let the waves crashed over her.

From her bedside, Ronon's very alert eyes watched and waited for it to pass.

 

* * *

 

John's Hopkins, the Mayo Clinic. These were the names that floated to mind when Dave thought about the best hospitals for his brother. Gen. O'Neill and Col. Mitchell had both insisted that this was the absolute best place for treatment in the world. But Colorado Springs, Colorado? It seemed an unlikely place to bring his brother.

With the general leading the way, they marched through the hallways toward their ultimate destination. The 'hospital smell' permeated Dave's senses. He was growing to hate hospitals. Despite the physical distance between them, the one where his father had died had smelled the exact same way. Sterile, but sick at the same time.

A young woman walked up to him, extending her hand. "Mr. Sheppard?"

Nodding, he took her hand. "I'm Dr. Carolyn Lam. Your brother's here under my care."

"Nice to meet you," he said. "Where is my brother?"

"I think it would be best if we could just quickly discuss Col. Sheppard's condition beforehand. I'm not entirely sure how much Gen. O'Neill has told you," she said.

From behind Dave, the general piped in, "Not much. Details aren't really my thing. That's why I hired you, Carolyn."

"He told me John was involved in some kind of explosion," he filled in for the doctor.

"I see."

Dave couldn't wait, though. "If it's all the same to you, I'd really like to see my brother."

She let out a heavy exhale. "Okay," she replied. She motioned to a doorway just down the hall. As Dave moved toward the door, she told him what she could to prepare him. "Mr. Sheppard, your brother sustained second degree burns on his right leg. He was impaled with a rather large piece of shrapnel and has already had several emergency surgeries to repair the damage. He's attached to a ventilator ..."

Dave stopped in his tracks. "Wait a minute. John can't even breathe on his own?"

Dr. Lam explained. "Col. Sheppard was extremely close to the blast that did this to him. His lungs were damaged as a result of the shockwave from the explosion. He has what we call a pulmonary contusion. It's basically bruised lungs. There is bleeding in the lung and the collection of fluids caused one of his lungs to collapse."

It was starting to really sink in how much danger John was still in. "How ... how do you fix that?"

"We clear out the fluid with a chest tube and the ventilator will keep him breathing until the lungs can repair themselves," she stated.

"I see," he said seriously. "Is there anything else?"

"Your brother sustained a severe head injury," she answered, "which, for the time being we're managing with medication, but I'm afraid he'll require surgical intervention sooner rather than later."

Dave sucked in a big breath. "Brain surgery. If he needs the surgery, why not just do it now?"

"We can't. He barely survived the last surgery. He's too unstable for another right now. His body needs more time to recover before we put it through the ringer again."

"Dr. Lam, lay it out for me," he said ominously. "Does he have a chance or did you bring me here just so I can say goodbye to my brother?"

"You are here, sir, because legally, the hospital requires your consent for his continued treatment and as his next-of-kin, you have a right to be here," she said bluntly. She was tough. "I want to assure you, Mr. Sheppard," she went on, "that I have no intention of losing your brother. We have a plan in place. We just need to make certain Col. Sheppard is still here when it arrives."

Dave's brow furrowed. He had the ugly feeling he'd just stepped into some of John's highly classified, never-to-speak-of-unless-you-want-to-be-charged-with-treason stuff. At that, Gen. O'Neill tapped him on the shoulder.

"Before you ask anymore questions, Mr. Sheppard, we have a few forms that we need you to sign."

Completely shocked by the direction this was going, Dave said, "Okay, General."

"Call me Jack."


	21. Family

"I've already spoken with the IOA and they don't want to hear it," Sam stated. True to their word, Jennifer and Carson sat in Sam's office relaying Teyla's request to go to Earth, but Carter was already way ahead of them. "As far as they're concerned, John's family has been notified and is on the way. Beyond blood relatives, they have no interest."

Jennifer shook her head. She knew of one blood relative that was being left out of the mix, but it wasn't her place to let that particular bit of information slip. They would have to come up with something else. "This isn't right, Colonel."

"I know."

"There must be something we can do," Carson said.

"I'm open to suggestions, but any cards I may have held with Coolidge went away when we kept up the search for the Athosians without authorization," Sam stated.

"What about when we dial Earth for our status updates? Couldn't we send her through then without ruffling too many feathers?" Jennifer suggested hopefully.

"Aye," Carson agreed.

"I thought of that, but the next one isn't scheduled for four more days."

The two doctors shook their heads as that particular possibility disappeared. Everyone in that room was aware that one way or another, John's situation would be long over in four days.

Dr. Keller bent over in her chair, leaning on her knees, and rubbed her temples. As she and Carson left the infirmary, they could both hear Teyla begin to weep into her pillow and Jennifer's heart broke. She couldn't imagine the heartache Teyla was having to live with and she didn't have to imagine where this would lead. And this time, there would be no John Sheppard to cushion her fall.

"I'm worried, Colonel. I'm really worried," Jennifer spoke aloud.

Sam asked, "Worried as her friend or as her doctor?"

"Both," she said emphatically. "Teyla's been down this road before and it nearly killed her."

"You think history is likely to repeat itself if she stays here?" Sam asked, narrowing her eyes. The glimmer of an idea started to form.

"In my professional opinion, it's highly likely," she affirmed.

Sam looked at her seriously. "And what happens if she gets there and John dies? What would that do to her? We may be doing her a favor keeping her in Atlantis."

Dr. Keller thought hard about what she said next. She had the feeling that what she said could make all the difference. "Colonel ... I understand that sending her to Earth may only mean a chance to say goodbye, but she and John both deserve that chance. It's more than she got with Kanaan. And I know that if I were in her shoes, I'd do anything to see the person I loved even if was just one more time."

Sam sat quietly and thought things through again. "If you two will give me some time, I'll let you know when I make my decision."

"Thank you, Colonel," Carson said.

 

* * *

 

Mason reached into his mini-fridge and pulled out a cold bottle of beer. He really shouldn't be mixing alcohol with his meds, but he was about eighteen hours past caring.

After Sheppard was taken to the infirmary, he'd tried to keep busy. He'd escorted Hybrid Halling down to a holding cell to wait for the doctors to do their thing and get him fixed up and assisted in getting the displaced Athosians set up someplace comfortable. But from there, he was at a loss for what to do.

With Chelios out with his dislocated shoulder, it seemed his team had reverted to its original foursome with him as the odd man out. They resumed their old patterns. Ronon watched over Teyla like it was his own personal crusade. McKay combed the Ancient database for a scientific solution to their problem, but found time to come and sit with Teyla too.

Mason ventured into the infirmary often enough to keep tabs on the colonel's condition, but kept his distance from the rest of them. Only doctors could help Sheppard, and Teyla he barely knew. They had only spoken on a few occasions and they weren't exactly Mason's most shining moments. She would probably be more comfortable with her real team around her. They had years of history together, after all, and he wasn't a part of it.

With a swift motion, he braced his beer against the edge of the counter and popped the top. He raised the bottle in a silent toast to his commanding officer, the man who'd given him a chance, which was more than he had any right to expect, and took a drink. 

Good luck, Colonel.

 

* * *

 

When Teyla finally resurfaced from the ocean of pain that threatened to drown her, she just stared straight ahead and concentrated on every breath. The simple act of filling her lungs with air was a monumental task and it had nothing to do with her fractured ribs. Her heart had been sent a galaxy away and she had little chance of getting it back again.

As the tears slowly dried away and her breathing eased, her hand drifted to her stomach. A small piece of him had been left behind. She closed her eyes and tried to envision that she could touch the tiny life inside her, the one thing tethering John to her across the vastness of space. Teyla imagined that through this small connection she could still hear John's heart beating through his chest as it had when they were together. She could almost feel his breath on her neck and and his fingers entwined in hers.

Telya sighed, attempting to release her sadness. She could no longer afford to get lost in grief. It had cost her the only other child she had ever carried. She vowed to do whatever it took to safeguard this little one. John's baby, she thought as she felt her emotions threaten to choke her again.

She grasped for a shred of hope. Carson and Jennifer's plan could work and she would see his crooked smile and the mischievous glint in his eyes again. John Sheppard had never let her down when it really mattered and he wouldn't this time either. He would return to Atlantis. He would return to her. He would be there holding her hand when their child was born.

The ambient noises of the infirmary in the early morning began to seep back into her consciousness and it occurred to her that Ronon had stopped snoring some time ago. She turned her head to him and saw his dark gaze looking straight back at her. He had probably been awake the entire time and had said nothing. Instead of being embarrassed and waffling, knowing he had witnessed an intimately personal moment, she reached out and took his huge, calloused hand. Ronon slid onto the bed alongside her. He stretched his long legs out casually, wrapped an arm around her and got comfortable. She leaned into him and settled in.

"You know," his rocky voice said gently into her hair, "Ronon's a good name - boy or girl," and Teyla felt a small jingle of laughter escape.

 

* * *

 

Having just finished reading and putting his signature down on a small stack of non-disclosure forms, Dave stood outside the room, peering through the window. The half-drawn blinds obstructed his view, but he could see all that he could stand for the moment. Monitors with readings and numbers flashing data that meant little to him, machines, tubes, John's disturbing inactivity—knowing about it and seeing it were two very different things. His brother was fighting for his life in there.

Sitting in the armchair next to the bed was a dour-faced man who looked vaguely familiar to him. McKay. That was his name. He had a foggy recollection of John briefly introducing them at the wake. He was on his team.  _And he drinks a lot of coffee_ , a detail he remembered reading in John's e-mail before this whole mess started. Sure enough, on the nightstand next to the chair, McKay reached for a tall Starbucks cup and practically inhaled it. He set the cup back down, spared a thin-lipped glance at John and set his attention back on the laptop he was furiously typing on.

"If you're waiting to get invited in, you'll be waiting a long time," said O'Neill from the side, ending a call on his cell and sliding the phone into his pocket. Jack closed in and informed him, "McKay's not really the most social guy you'll ever meet and Sheppard's not too talkative these days."

Indicating the newly replaced cell, Dave asked, "Any word on your big plan?"

"Not yet."

"Exactly how much am I aloud to know about this plan?" he wondered. "Because I read through all those forms you gave me and basically, they all say I can't discuss anything about this ... ever. With John being involved in top-secret military stuff, that part I get. I'm just wondering if anyone is ever actually going to  _tell_  me anything."

He was accustomed to being in charge, making the rules. In his businesses, he was very hands-on. He was never left in the dark about anything, no matter how minute the detail. Everything about this situation made him feel out of control and uncomfortable.

"Just enough to keep you out of trouble. That's what you're allowed."

"Is there anything you can tell me?"

"Yep," Jack said, digging his hands in his pockets and leaning back on his heels. "If I were you, I'd get in there and get a seat while you can. 'Cause, if I know his CO, and I do, it's gonna get crowded in there before long."

 

* * *

 

 

Inside, Rodney smacked his laptop and yelled as though he were talking to something who could actually talk back. "You think this is funny? You won't think this is funny when I rip out your motherboard. Yeah, who's got the power now? Do something useful. Compute, for God's sake!"

He threw up his hands in frustration. He was translating his way through the Ancient medical database in an attempt to find something helpful, but he knew the odds of finding anything were too miniscule to bother calculating. Glancing up from the screen full of flashing data, he took in the sight of his friend lying in the hospital bed. It unnerved him to have John lying there without threatening him with lemonade, or making some comment about his coffee drinking or his eccentric tendency to dress down his electronics.

"You know, Sheppard," he started tentatively. "I heard something the other day that I thought you would've found funny and ... I meant to tell you about it. I really did. But, by the time I ran into you at lunch, it completely slipped my mind." His lips turned slightly upward. "I don't even remember what it was anymore or I'd tell you. But somehow, I doubt I'd get the reaction I was expecting out of you now."

Rodney had spent all morning with John. After stepping through the gate with him, he had waited and waited while Dr. Lam and her team of doctors at the SGC vigorously worked to stabilize him again. And McKay had tagged along when they loaded him into the ambulance and transferred him to the hospital here in Colorado Springs. All without John opening an eye or saying a single word. Not a word. Rodney, a man who never stopped talking, didn't know if he could stand the silence much longer.

"Sheppard!" he said in a tone that demanded attention. "Sergeant—um, what's his name—Reynolds! Sergeant Reynolds was flirting with Teyla the other day. Said she had a really nice pair of, uh ... oh, nevermind ... The point is it's time to kick his ass!"

He waited a few seconds for a response he knew wasn't coming and kept on talking. "No? Reynolds is a big guy, I guess. I don't suppose it'd make any difference if you did, 'cause Ronon says you hit like a girl."

Nothing. Stubborn. Always so stubborn. 

He leaned over to John and said something he knew he'd roll over in his own grave to deny. "There's no way you passed the Mensa test."

"He did, actually," Dave said from the doorway and Rodney nearly keeled over. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he apologized.

Dave followed Jack's advice and staked a claim on the chair in the corner near the door, facing his brother. "He took it shortly before he graduated from the Air Force Academy. Of course, our dad wanted him to sign up immediately. It would've been something to brag about to all his friends, but the title didn't mean anything to John. I think he was happy just knowing he could do it."

"Yeah," McKay said. "He's very strange that way."

Dave smiled. "Yeah, he was always was a little strange, but in a pretty good way."

 

* * *

 

Sam made her way unobtrusively from her office to the main control room in the tower. She approached Amelia Banks and spoke softly to the technician. "I need you to get with Major Lorne and all the other department heads, as soon as possible."

"Dr. McKay ..." Amelia started.

"While McKay's on Earth, go through Zelenka, but I need every last mission report, every single bit of scientific data we can lay our hands on," Sam ordered. "Even Dr. Brown in botany. Everyone. And make it quick."

"Yes, ma'am." Amelia turned on her heel and walked away.

It was still very quiet in the tall glass tower. No one had quite recovered from this morning. Colonel Sheppard had been with the Atlantis Expedition since it first set foot inside the city. He was not only friends with everyone who worked in Control, but he'd saved all of their lives more than once. With his formidable ATA gene, more than once he had literally been the city's shield, protecting them all from certain destruction. It was a massive blow to everyone's morale to see him wheeled through the gate on a ventilator, at death's door.

Sam was determined to see that Atlantis was represented at John's side in one form or another. She owed it to the people under her command to make it happen.

 

* * *

 

"Come in!" Mason yelled at his door. He was working with his free weights and he was dripping with sweat. In fact, he looked to be an all-around mess. The sweaty workout clothes were only the beginning. Dr. Keller had never seen Sgt. Capshaw, ever the diligent soldier, so disheveled and the scruff on his chin and the dark circles lining his eyes completed the picture of a man who was mentally and physically exhausted.

"Why don't you take a break, Mason?" she suggested.

"Can't," he grunted between reps. "Doctor's orders."

Casting her eyes on his nightstand, she saw two empty beer bottles, one of which had been knocked over. "Mason, are you drunk?"

Lifting his straining arms up again, he said, "It's two beers, Jennifer, and I'm off duty."

"Well, you look terrible."

"Thanks. What can I do for you this fine morning, Dr. Keller?" he asked sarcastically.

Jennifer marched up to him and snatched the weights from him. "For starters," she answered, "I need you to knock it off. You look like you're gonna fall over."

He laughed. He found it amusing to watch the sweet-tempered doctor get tough. It was amazing how well it worked, too. Even the most stubborn of her patients seemed to bow to her will when she got her dander up.

"Alright, alright. You got me. What do you need?" he said in surrender.

As she set his heavy weights down on the bed, she said, "I need you to get cleaned up. You're headed to Earth."

"What?"

"Officially, you and the rest of the team are on medical leave. Unofficially, you're going to see Colonel Sheppard," she explained quickly, while Capshaw listened intently.

When she was done, he nodded. "Okay, I get it."

"Dr. Lam may insist on an exam and a few tests. You know, to make things look good for the IOA. I'm sending your latest records along with you, so she'll know what to expect as far as ..."

"Listen, Jennifer, I don't know that I should be in on this," he interrupted her with a troubled expression. "This trip ..."

Jennifer was confused. "Mason, this is important."

He put up his hands. "I understand that. I do. What I'm saying is, I don't think I really belong on this trip. It's kind of a family thing ... with Teyla and Ronon ... I'd just be in the way."

"Mason," she sighed. She really didn't have time for this crap. "Yesterday, I saw you, Ronon, and McKay going through hell to bring home the colonel and Teyla. In my book, that makes you family."

He didn't look convinced, but she was done playing nice. "Now get your butt in the shower, pack a bag, and get down to the gateroom asap. You got me?"

He flipped her a quick, casual salute, and smirked. "Yes, ma'am."

As he walked toward the bathroom, feeling a little empowered by his compliance, she smiled and called after him. "And for God's sake, shave!"

 

* * *

 

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" sounded C.M.S. Walter Harriman. "It's Atlantis, sir. Colonel Carter is asking for you."

Hank Landry's eyebrows raised in surprise. He donned a radio and said, "Carter, didn't the IOA already have a talk with you about this? I seem to remember Mr. Coolidge reading you the riot act."

From the other end of the wormhole, Carter's voice spoke to him. "With all due respect, sir, what I took away from the conversation was that I wasn't permitted to open another direct wormhole to Earth until our next scheduled data burst."

He nodded. "Yes, which isn't for four more days, Colonel."

"My apologies, General. There seems to be a scheduling error on this end," she stated, but in Landry's opinion, she didn't sound terribly sorry. He chuckled. Sam went on, "I have all the latest data from Atlantis compressed and ready for transmission if you're willing to receive it a little early, sir."

"Carter, there wouldn't happen to be any guests waiting to come through the gate, would there?" he asked, knowing full well there were. As soon as Landry had received word about Coolidge's decision on the visitors issue, he had been ready for a stunt like this. He just wasn't certain in what form it would take. Out and out disobeying of orders wasn't really Carter's style. This, however, was right up her alley.

"Well, while we have the gate open, I have a few people waiting to take some medical leave and they've requested they do it on Earth, sir."

"Your CMO signed off on this?" he inquired, mostly for the benefit of those who would be listening to the transmission in their offices later.

"Absolutely, General. Can I tell them it's okay to proceed?"

"Send them through, Carter. And Colonel? Don't ever do this again."

"Yes, sir."

General Landry took off the headset and walk into the gateroom to greet their guests. Seconds later, Ronon, Mason, and Teyla, on crutches, stepped onto the large ramp.

"Welcome back to Earth, folks."

Teyla and Ronon ignored the general and headed to the exit. Mason hung behind and threw General Landry a crisp salute. "Sorry, sir, they're just a bit anxious."

"Understandable, Sergeant. What do you say we get these people to the hospital, son?"

"Probably a good idea, sir," Capshaw said.

 

* * *

 

"What do you suppose that's about?" Dave asked Rodney. They could see Jack speaking rather animatedly into his cell as he drew nearer to John's room.

"I don't know," Rodney said. Whatever it was, it wasn't good. The scientist shut his laptop and set it aside. He walked to the door and as McKay opened the door, Dave overheard the general yelling, "Damned arrogant, holier-than-thou snake-heads! Hank, remind me why we're friends with these people!"

At that, Dr. McKay shut the door, but Dave didn't think Rodney realized how Jack's voice carried through the hospital walls. It was muffled, but he could definitely hear it and from Rodney's scowl and the way he was starting to chew his thumbnail off, Dave didn't think "the plan" was going off without a hitch.

"We kicked the Go'auld's asses! What in hell else have they got to do? ... I don't give a damn. If you ask me, we need to seriously rethink this alliance of ours ... I am being serious ... What about the B team? Have we heard back from them yet? ... That's just great ... I'm sure Colonel Sheppard will be happy to wait ... Hank! ... Next time Daniel takes her on a dig somewhere, tell him to consider putting a cowbell around her neck ..."

Dave couldn't listen to anymore. He got the idea. If circumstances were different, this would be about the time he starting considering other options. Better hospitals, different doctors. There had to be someone out there who could do something to save John. He'd even brought the subject up with Dr. Lam an hour ago, when she came to check on John again. He was too weak to be moved again. This was his last stop.

Dr. McKay and Gen. O'Neill entered from the hallway. While Jack leaned against the nearest wall, Rodney took his seat, quickly packed his laptop into its carrying case and raced out again.

"Where's he off to?" Dave asked.

"I told you. It's about to get a lot more crowded in here."

Dave had to ask. "Snake-heads?"

Jack looked perturbed at the entire subject. "Do you remember that trouble we talked about?"

"The snake-heads are trouble?"

"With a capital T."


	22. Family, Part 2

Dave took a short walk toward the nurses' station and the coffee machine. John's friends would be here any second and he figured they'd want a few minutes to themselves after traveling as far as they had. Not that he had any idea where they were stationed. Apparently, that information was still off-limits along with the answer to every other question he had asked.

He fished out his wallet for change, and when he had a fresh cup of terrible coffee in hand, he whipped out his phone. Dave had been taken away from the house so quickly this morning, he had left a ton of things for work undone. There were a dozen voicemails in his inbox from his nervous assistant, who, with each successive message, sounded more and more harried. Dave could only imagine the nightmare the poor girl was enduring on account of his absence.

He called her and explained the situation. "I don't really know when I'll be back in. Things aren't looking good."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Sheppard," his assistant apologized profusely. "If I'd known, I never would've bothered you. It's just Mr. Tiller ..."

"No, it's fine, Kelly," he assured the girl. "Mr. Tiller is going to have to fend for himself for at least the next few days. If you have any more problems, I want you to talk to Shelley Pope. She knows the ins and outs of the place almost as well as I do, okay?"

He sipped his coffee and that's when the group passed him. He recognized Ronon and Teyla from his father's wake. The third was a stranger to him, but Dave assumed that was the new team member John had mentioned in his e-mail. The two larger men flanked Teyla as she maneuvered down the hallway on crutches, her leg bandaged and locked inside a cumbersome brace. Barely giving him a passing glance, they hurried, grim determination set in their faces.

He realized he'd gotten distracted when his assistant repeated his name a few times in his ear. "What? Yes, I'm still here. Sorry. Um, have those messengered to the house. I'll have to look through them when I get back in town."

 

* * *

 

Teyla's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest as she reached for the doorknob. She expected the boys to follow her in, but Ronon, Rodney, and Mason stayed outside. Ronon pulled the door shut behind her and stood outside the window. Teyla set the crutches aside and pulled the chair to sit directly next to John's bed.

"John," she said softly. He was so close. Her fingers tentatively reached to touch his cheek, almost as though she were afraid if she touched him he would disappear into thin air. When they touched his face and her nightmare didn't come to fruition, a tear rolled down her cheek. "You are going to be fine, John."

Her thumb stroked him. Her free hand ran up and down his arm. She savored the feel of his skin as though it would be the last time she would touch him. She memorized every vein, every muscle, every scar. His forearm still bore the faintest traces of the mark left behind by Iratus retrovirus. No one who hadn't known it was there would never have spotted it, but Teyla knew the spot well. John hated it, but she couldn't help but look at it with a kind of fondness. The incident had brought about their first kiss. Fierce, hard, and surprising. She and John had both written it off as yet another of their strange adventures, but in retrospect, Teyla realized that the kiss had been fueled by something deeper than mere animal instinct. Even then, John had harbored feelings for her that the retrovirus had seized on. A few more of her tears mourned all the lost time they could have had.

"I need you to stay with me, John," she pleaded with him. "It has not been enough. There is so much more for us to do together."

Were it possible, she would've crawled into the bed with him and lent him every ounce of strength she possessed, but instead she laid her head down on the corner of his pillow, gently kissing him with her forehead, and breathed him in. "Dr. Keller says we are to have a child," she whispered. "I do not want to do this alone. I love you, John. I need you. Please..." she choked. "Please, stay with me."

 

* * *

 

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you."

Dave had tossed his coffee cup in the trash and was surprised when he saw the group hanging outside the room. Ronon and McKay were directly outside the door, but the other one was standing a little further off.

The marine extended a hand to him. "Mason Capshaw."

Dave shook his hand. "Dave Sheppard, John's brother. Why not?"

"Teyla's in there," he said as though that was all that needed to be said and leaned back against the wall. Ronon shot him a forbidding look, effectively telling him to stay away.

Dave was again confronted with the knowledge that he was completely in the dark about his brother's life. He searched his memory for clues he may have missed, things said that he may have ignored that had, in fact, been important. When John introduced them, Dave remembered thinking Teyla was beautiful and full of grace, but he hadn't looked beyond the fact that she was one of his teammates. At that point, he'd been overwhelmed with dealing with all the funeral arrangements, the guests, and his long-lost brother showing up out of nowhere.

But looking back it made sense. John had seemed fond of her company in particular during the wake and, according to his e-mail, Teyla was no longer on his team, yet she was here. Probably the most glaring evidence that John was in a relationship with her had been staring him in the face. John had mentioned bringing her along on his next leave.

His brother never brought women home. Not unless they were really important. Dave knew a few more of John's girlfriends than their father had, but that was only because he knew most of them from around. But he could only remember John having brought two of them home. One was a girl he dated for two years and the other was Nancy, whom he married.

Dave shook his head at the situation he and John were in. They had been so close as kids, then after the death of their mother things had radically changed. He had gone one way, John had gone another, and they were both too stubborn to meet in the middle. Before this, Dave would've walked into this situation with an ingrained sense of his brother being  _his_  family, his domain. But he was starting to realize that, perhaps, here he was the usurper. The uninvited guest. John had picked up his life and made a new family, one that accepted him wholeheartedly and without reservation.

Swallowing a rather large piece of humble pie, Dave asked Mason, "H-how long have they been together?"

Capshaw raised his brow in surprise. He was probably the last person who should be answering questions about that subject. He shrugged his shoulders. "A few months, I guess, but apparently it's been a long time coming."

Dave lowered his head and nodded. "What happened to her?" The state she was in hadn't escaped his notice.

Mason clenched his jaw, his frustration apparent. "She got hurt pulling Sheppard out of that building."

"She ...?"

"... saved his life. Yeah," Mason finished. "Should've seen it. Probably the bravest thing I ever saw."

"Really?" Dave asked.

"She was down," Capshaw explained, nodding. "There was some serious crap raining down us and she was hurting, but she didn't quit. Not for a second. She kept on pulling."

While Dave digested all the new information, Dr. Lam made another appearance followed by Jack O'Neill. She gave the men an obligatory greeting as she passed, but she seemed to be in somewhat of a hurry to check on her patient.

Carolyn shoved her way past the big Satedan guarding the door. As the door opened, Teyla lifted her head away from John.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Teyla, but I need to do a quick check again," she said. Teyla scooted her chair back a bit to give the doctor more room to work. Dr. Lam pulled out her penlight and carefully opened John's eyelids. She studied his pupils and frowned at the reaction she was getting, or more accurately, the lack of reaction. Filing the light back in her coat pocket, she balled up her fist and rubbed John's chest firmly, but again, there was no reaction.

"How is he?" Teyla asked warily, not liking the expression on Carolyn's face at all.

"Not good," she confessed with a troubled sigh. She didn't believe in sugarcoating difficult situations, but she did what she could to ease Teyla's distress. "He's really hanging in there, though. I honestly didn't think we were gonna get him back when he came through the stargate. He's fighting."

With a steely gaze, Teyla said, "John will not stop."

"I hope not," she agreed with a small smile. Her work finished for the moment, Carolyn went outside. She motioned for Jack and Dave to follow her and a short way down the hall, she filled them in.

"The swelling is getting worse. The medication isn't working."

Dave felt like the doctor had punched him in the gut. "So what now? Surgery?"

She shook her head. "Surgery, at this point, would most likely kill him."

"Brain damage. That's what we're talking about here, isn't it?" Jack said.

She slowly nodded. "I want to try hyperventilating him. The extra oxygen in his system should slow down the progression. But it would only be a temporary fix and, truthfully, I don't how well his lungs will tolerate it."

"I'm sorry, Doctor," Dave said, getting angry, "but it sounds like one bad option after another."

"Well, I'm afraid that's where we are, Mr. Sheppard."

Dave spun around and paced a few steps away, trying to remain in control. "I need to know what the hell this plan is," he seethed. "What could possibly be out there for us to do that we aren't already doing? Because it sounds like you're saying he's as good as dead."

Jack approached him with a calming swagger. "We have a ... specialist ... who works with some cutting edge technology we're bringing in. Once she gets here, things oughta improve real quick."

"And in the meantime?"

Carolyn stepped in. "General, we need help here. Now."

 

* * *

 

Dr. Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist who'd long made a habit of moonlighting as a space traveler and explorer of worlds, finally caught up to his wayward companion in a tavern chatting with a less-than-savory looking character. Just in time, too, it appeared. The raven-haired beauty had adopted a posture designed to tempt and entrap its victims. What she wanted from this guy, he didn't know, but it wasn't likely to be good. Or legal.

"Vala," he asked impatiently. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been right here, darling," she said without so much as glance in his direction. She had the flirting dialed up to an eight and he was not going to interrupt. "Have you finished already? Normally, I'd love to sit around and watch you digging giant holes in the ground, but I got a better offer from Haynon, here."

"I'll bet you did," he responded, not caring to know any of the details. He was certain he wouldn't like them anyway. "We need to get back to the gate. We're needed on Earth, now."

"Oh, but we were just in the middle of something. Perhaps you could go on ahead and I'll catch up."

"Sorry. Not this time. You're the one they need," he mentioned with a smile. He had to admit he took a great deal of pleasure screwing up whatever she had planned.

"Me?"

"You. And it's a bit of an emergency, so we really have to get moving."

Daniel took her by the arm gently but firmly and they walked toward the exit.

"Daniel, I swear. I had no idea those jewels belonged to General Markham's wife."

He froze and his arm clamped down on hers like a vice. 

_Later. I'll deal with that later._  

"Let's go."

 

* * *

 

John's room was starting to resemble a frat house, except for the lone female in the room. Ronon, Mason, Rodney, Jack, and Dave had all confiscated enough chairs from the waiting room and had piled into the small hospital room like sardines in a can. Rodney, never admitting defeat, burned through the keys on his laptop. The three soldiers had broken out a deck of cards and were playing a distracted game of Go Fish. Teyla only had eyes for John and Dave was getting antsy.

"Does anybody want more coffee? I'm buying," he asked.

With a nearly unanimous show of hands, Dave moved to the doorway. It was then that Jack's phone rang.

 

* * *

 

"I don't know about this, Daniel," whispered Vala. She was nervous, uncharacteristically so. "I'm not as good at this as I used to be."

Daniel walked with her down the hospital corridor carrying a metal briefcase. "Don't worry. You'll be fine."

With a fake smile plastered on her face, she responded through her teeth. "For once, darling, it's not me I'm worried about. Why not put him in a sarcophagus? Three days in there, he'd be good as new. We could throw a little party to celebrate when he gets out."

"If we had one, we'd use it. But we don't, so you're it."

"How is possible that, after chasing the Goa'uld up and down the galaxy, you've never managed to get your hands on a sarcophagus?" she asked in disbelief. "It isn't as hard as you might think."

"What are you talking about?"

"I happen to know a guy. He's very reasonably priced," she answered.

They had come into sight of the room, and Dr. Lam and the anxious family members were standing outside.

"Vala."

"Yes, Daniel?"

He nodded at the group. "They're waiting for us."

"Oh. Right."

He felt her grip on his hand tighten dramatically. "Just ... start with something simple," he suggested.

She whispered at him, "Does he have any hangnails? I think I could fix a hangnail." Then after a long pause, he heard, "What if I make it worse, Daniel?"

He sighed. "Vala, I don't think anything you do could make it worse."

Daniel handed her the briefcase and squeezed her hand as if to wish her good luck. Vala took a breath and the infinitely confident facade she had perfected for years draped over her.

"Vala," Jack started. "It's about damn time."

"It's lovely to see you again, too, Jack," she rebutted and with a great big breath, she said, "Now, where's the patient?"

Dr. Lam led the way, and as Vala passed Teyla, she gave her a quick hug. She whispered in her ear. "I'll do my best, I promise."

Once inside, Dr. Lam asked everyone to remain outside. If things didn't go as planned, she would need the extra room to work. Vala opened the case, pulled out the Go'auld healing device and began strapping it to her hand.

"What is that?" Dave asked from the hall.

"Trouble," Jack answered and Dave rolled his eyes, yet again being thwarted in his quest for a straight answer.

"Start with something small ..." Vala muttered to herself, listening to Daniel's advice. "Okay, sweetie. Let's see if we can't get you feeling a little better," she spoke softly to John.

The angry burns on his leg were probably the easiest fix she could see, so that's where she began. She took a deep breath and concentrated. The device flared to life and bathed his leg in light. In a few seconds, she stopped. Carolyn and Vala leaned over to check the results. His skin was still a shade of pink that didn't belong on the colonel, but it was no longer a fiery red and the blisters had completely disappeared.

The two women smiled, pleased. Vala took another deep breath and exhaled. "Okay, we can do this."

Teyla watched closely from the window as Vala ran the device over John's broken body. Her friend started with the shrapnel damage and worked her way upward, over the lungs to John's head. It seemed only to take seconds and then she stopped. Teyla's heart was in her throat when she thought she saw John's head move.

It was only a twitch, the slightest of movements. It was so small that Teyla thought she might have imagined it. Then, it grew. Without opening his eyes, he turned and turned. Sleepy movements back and forth, left to right. However, soon it wasn't the welcome motion she had hoped for. His agitation grew until he was thrashing his head around.

"John!" she shouted and scrambled on her bad knee to get inside.

"Teyla, stay back!"

Dr. Lam flew into action. She unhooked the ventilator and yelled to Ronon, "Get in here and hold him still!"

Fast on his feet, Ronon positioned himself over John's head and clamped down against the fighting colonel. Carolyn counted out a rhythm and in time, pulled the now unnecessary tube from John's throat.

No sooner had the offensive object been removed than he started to relax. Dr. Lam pulled her stethoscope and listened to the sounds of his lungs. With a satisfied nod to Vala, she said, "Much better."

Teyla limped to John's side as Dr. Lam went outside to speak to Jack and Dave. "I need to run some more tests to see this puts us now, but I think it's safe to say he's just made a significant improvement."

Jack nodded, taking it all in stride, but Dave's jaw was on the ground. "What just happened?"

Jack smirked. He never got tired of the faces on people when they saw this stuff for the first time. "Maybe, if you play your cards right, Colonel Sheppard will tell you himself."

Back inside, Teyla had returned to her place at his side. She was waiting for her heart to cease its tremendous pounding, when she glanced to John's face. A pair of soft, tired eyes peered up at her.


	23. Signs of Life

His eyes stared up at her, tired but blank. There was no magical reunion or sign of recognition to be had. He gazed at Teyla, unable to focus on her, and he made no indication that he was attempting to. His eyes just stared straight ahead, locked in place.

"Dr. Lam?" Teyla nervously called to the doctor. "He is awake, but something is wrong."

Carolyn fished out her penlight and, hovering at Teyla's side, flashed it into his eyes. His pupils slowly shrunk to pinpoints, already better than the last neuro check she did.

"Colonel? Can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?" The only response she received was a lethargic blink. "What about your fingers, Col. Sheppard? Can you wiggle your fingers for me?"

John's eyelids slowly closed and his head lolled to the side.

"What's going on?" Dave asked from the doorway.

Ignoring him for the moment, she balled up her fist and dug her knuckles into John's sternum, trying to illicit a pain response. The colonel tossed his head and his eyes opened again for a moment before they again sought out oblivion.

"Okay," she said. "We need to get him down for an MRI and see what kind of obstacles we're still looking at, but believe it or not, this is already a big improvement from where he was."

Ronon said, "Isn't that thing supposed to heal him?"

Vala was proud of herself for what she'd managed to do and she wasn't about to let the gruff, albeit handsome warrior rain on her parade. She piped in defensively from the corner where she'd retreated to. "Hey, big boy! There's only so much these little babies can do. You want miracles, I can still see about getting you a good price on a sarcophagus. You  _do_  have currency in Pegasus, don't you?"

"Vala!" O'Neill yelled at her for her slip in front of Dave.

"It never hurts to check."

Dave shook his head, hopelessly getting lost in the conversation again. First the glowing hand-device and now they were discussing a sarcophagus. The things the Egyptians used to bury their dead in and something about a Pegasus, which was no doubt some code name. His day was getting weirder by the second. "Dr. Lam, just get your tests done and we'll all agree to save the debate for later. Is everybody okay with that?"

When his suggestion was met with no further argument, Carolyn left to make the arrangements and soon John was wheeled away for his meeting with the huge machine. They all waited on pins and needles until he was brought back to his room and Dr. Lam filled them in.

"Well guys, here we are. Overall, he looks like he's been in a car wreck, but at least he's out of the woods."

She pulled out the pictures from his MRI and pointed out the key areas of interest. "The fluid filling his lungs has completely cleared up, so we've gone ahead and removed the chest tube. There's still a lot of bruising and damage to his abdomen that'll take a while to heal, but it looks like all the active bleeders have been sealed. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he'd been on the mend for several weeks now instead of an hour."

"That's all very well and good, but what about his brain?" Rodney asked. With the brain being his stock in trade, it was only natural that that would be his highest priority.

"Relax, Dr. McKay," Carolyn assured him. "There is still a lot of swelling present, but it is definitely receding."

"What about any damage that's already been done?" Rodney questioned her.

The image of John's blank stare nagged at Teyla. She shuddered to think of John having been turned into an empty shell. It wouldn't change how she felt about him. To her, he would always be the man she loved. But to John, being unable to speak or function in a meaningful way would be his own personal hell.

"The brain is an incredibly complex organ. There's really no way to know how much damage was done or how much the healing device was able to repair until he wakes up."

Dave asked, "He will wake up, though?"

The doctor nodded. "In time. He's probably gonna be down for a while, though. He's got a lot of trauma to recover from."

Looking at the relief on the exhausted faces of the group, especially those from Atlantis, Carolyn decided it was time to lay down the law. "Ronon, Mason, and Teyla. You three are technically here on medical leave. That makes it my responsibility to make sure you're taken care of. So, I hereby order you to get some sleep. You all look like the walking dead."

Rodney, all of sudden feeling left out, said, "Hey, what about me? I'm tired, too."

"Knock yourself out, Dr. McKay," Carolyn said with a shrug.

Jack added, "The SGC has made arrangements for you at the hotel next door."

He slipped room keys to the weary teammates. As he did, though, his curiosity niggled at him. Standing next to Dave Sheppard, stood an apparently healthy Ronon. Jack knew Carter and while she may be more than willing to stretch the truth to the IOA, she wouldn't outright lie.

"Ronon."

"Yep?"

"Now, me being me, I know why Teyla and Capshaw fall under the doc's jurisdiction, but what's the story with you?"

"I got shot," Ronon said as though it were something he did every second Tuesday.

Jack's eyebrows raised in mild surprise. "Oh. Nice one."

Dave stood by, dumbfounded at their casual attitudes. Is this how John lived? In an environment where being shot was an everyday occurrence?

He felt a headache coming on.

 

* * *

 

Teyla went to the hotel with a single goal in mind: a bath. Then, she intended to return to John's room. Even though Carolyn had assured them he would be sleeping for a long time, she couldn't abide the idea of John waking up in a strange room alone after all he'd been through.

Getting completely comfortable in the hot, bubbly water proved impossible with one leg hanging over the side, but it was enough. Her muscles started to relax for the first time in what seemed to be ages. She gently massaged the knots in her shoulders and along her legs with a washcloth, leaving behind a soapy sheen across her copper skin.

She was sporting a new set of bruises across her ribcage. They were an occupational hazard and a common accessory on her body. She realized, though, this would most likely be her last for quite some time. There would no more missions, no more daring rescues, no more narrow escapes. Not until after the baby was born and perhaps not even after that. Fighting the war against the Wraith wasn't her highest priority any longer. Preserving her family was now the paramount concern in her life and it did not only consist of John and this new life. The Athosians needed her more than ever. If they were to survive as a people, some hard decisions would need to be made and helping Halling was at the top of the list.

Teyla splashed water over her face. She could feel the sheer fatigue permeating down into her bones. She couldn't remember ever feeling this tired, this drained. She felt like the washcloth hanging on the side of the tub next to her - wrung out. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and had to open them immediately or she would have fallen asleep right there.

She had to do some fancy maneuvering, but Teyla lifted her naked body out of the tub and dried herself off. Ronon had kindly brought her bag to the room and she gratefully shrugged into a fresh set of her most Earth-friendly clothing. She pulled her hair back, grabbed her crutches and started the short return trip to the hospital.

 

* * *

 

Dave had been waking up early for the past fifteen years. He typically went for a run on the treadmill and hit the showers, before picking up breakfast and a paper on his way into the office. He realized the ritualistic nature of it made him a complete square, but it was his thing and it wasn't as though he had other people around much to break up the monotony. Even when the occasional girlfriend would sleep over, he always managed to squeeze _them_ in, rather than change things up.

Well, leave it to John to shake things up for him. It was early, but that was about only resemblance today bore to his usual routine. It was 6:30 in the morning and he had walked into John's room, expecting to check on him and make for the coffee machine and, perhaps, find a copy of today's newspaper to thumb through.

He got a surprise, though, when Teyla was there. She slept sitting up, with her legs stretched across a makeshift bed consisting of two chairs pushed together. A nurse must have taken pity on her during the night, because she was wrapped up a couple of the hospital's blankets. He didn't know how she was doing it, but she actually seemed to be sleeping soundly despite the odd angle of her head.

Not wanting to disturb her, Dave tried to back out of the room as quietly as possible, but Teyla's instincts, even at rest, told her she was not alone and she opened her eyes.

"Hey," Dave said. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it is quite alright," she answered. She covered her mouth as she stifled a yawn. "You are welcome to come and sit with me."

Dave hesitated, still feeling like an intruder, but the honesty of her invitation persuaded him to sit. As he took up a place in one of the abandoned chairs from the previous evening, he said, "You know, I'm sorry we haven't really had a chance to talk. Things yesterday were ..."

"Very tense," she finished for him. "I understand. I was not feeling much in the mood for conversation myself yesterday."

"Well anyway ... I guess I just wanted to say that it's good to see you again. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

She smiled at him. "Agreed."

Now that the ice had been broken a little bit, Dave felt a little more comfortable around her, and he had to admit Teyla had a presence about her. Something intangible that made him feel more at ease. "So, did he give us anything last night?"

"No, I'm afraid not. He has been very quiet."

"Unusual for John. Growing up, we couldn't get him to shut up."

Teyla let out a small laugh. "Then, he has not changed much."

"Did you sleep okay? I can't imagine it was very comfortable," he asked. "You probably would've gotten more rest in your hotel room."

She shook her head. "I have ... grown accustomed to having John nearby."

Dave nodded in understanding. "Yeah, Mason told me you two were pretty serious."

When Teyla started to look a little ill at ease, he tried to appease her. "It's good. It's good that John's found somebody that he can actually share his life and his work with. Lord knows, Nancy couldn't handle being left in the dark. I got enough angry phone calls from her after John had taken off on one top-secret mission or another ..."

_God. No woman wants to hear about the ex, Dave!_  "I just mean ..." With every word coming out of his mouth, Dave felt like he was digging himself a deeper and deeper hole.

Fortunately for him, Teyla had had a few conversations with John that had wound up in a very similar manner. "It is quite alright, Mr. Sheppard. Thank for what you meant to say."

"Please," he practically begged, thankful for her patience, "call me Dave."

While he tried to get his bearings again and contain the doddering fool he was turning into, Teyla asked him how he was handling all the strange things he was seeing and hearing about.

"To be honest, I'm freaking out a little," he admitted. "None of it makes any sense, but I guess, for the time being, I'm willing to take it all on faith." He pointed to John. "After all, my brother is still here because of that ... machine or device or whatever they called it."

"Still hear you ... too, Dave ... Loud," mumbled John from the bed.

"John?" said Teyla.

They rushed to over to him. He laid there with his eyes still half-shut, clearly fighting to stay conscious at all. 

"John, try to stay awake," Dave told him. "You need to talk to us." Dr. Lam had said that they would only be able to tell what state he was in when he was awake.

"... hurts ..." John murmured. With a steady drumbeat in his head, the siren's call to oblivion sang to him. "... can't keep ..."

"We'll get them to give you something more for the pain, John. Just stay awake," Dave said.

Teyla took him by the hand and the corner of John's mouth turned up. "Teyla ..."

John's eyes rolled back into his head. He couldn't keep his eyes open. He could hear them calling to him, but he was helpless to answer as he was sucked back down into the abyss.

"John?" Dave called again. Frustration gripped him. His brother was gone again. "Damn it!"

 

* * *

 

"He was talking?" Mason asked while he grabbed a bowl of applesauce and placed it on his tray.

"Yes, but it was only for a few moments," Teyla was explaining.

They were in line at the hospital cafeteria, getting what could be characterized as either a late breakfast or an early lunch. Teyla was propped up on her crutches while Ronon carried her tray in addition to his.

"Well, how did he sound?" Rodney questioned insistently. "Did he sound ... all there?

"He was very tired, Rodney," Teyla said defensively. "He was barely able to say a few words before he lost consciousness again."

Ronon asked, "What did Dr. Lam say about it?"

"She said that the swelling is still going down and he will most likely continue to improve with more rest."

"Makes sense to me," the Satedan rumbled.

With their trays full, Mason, Ronon, and Teyla walked to a table, while Rodney finished getting the rest of his food.

From the entrance, Dave asked, "Mind if I join you?"

With a welcoming smile, Teyla answered, "Of course. Please."

"Give me just a minute," Dave said and he joined the short line to get food.

Mason asked, lowering his voice, before Dave could rejoin them. "So has the SGC contacted Atlantis? You know, to let them know what's going on?"

Teyla shrugged her shoulders. "I do not know." She took a bite of her sandwich.

Ronon spoke up. "General O'Neill said he'd take of care of it."

Rodney sat down at the crowded table, unfolded his napkin, and laid it across his lap. An odor from his tray wafted over to Teyla and her stomach lurched. Shutting her eyes and with a deep breath, she asked him, "Rodney, what is that you're eating?"

Whatever it was, it was causing a wave of nausea. "Chicken and dumplings. Why?"

She held out her hand hoping to both stave off the nausea and Rodney's questions, while a sick feeling descended into the pit of her stomach.

Rodney scrunched up his brow. "Teyla, are you okay? You're looking a little green. Not like Wraith green, but ... Oh my God, is there something wrong with the food?"

Ronon was watching her like she was a ticking time bomb and scooted his chair out a few inches away from the table. Dave set his now loaded tray down and prepared to sit.

"Ronon, I think I ..." Her hand flew to cover her mouth. "Help me up!"

Ronon's hand flew to her and she grasped it. Teyla got her crutches under her and set some kind of a record getting to the bathroom.

"Is she okay?" Dave asked.

Ronon just shook his head.

 

* * *

 

"Here." Ronon dropped a box of crackers in Teyla's lap. "From Dr. Lam."

She looked at the crackers, puzzled for a moment. Of course. Her pregnancy would have been mentioned in the medical records sent to Carolyn from Dr. Keller.

"Thank you, Ronon."

She took the box gratefully. She'd spent the entire afternoon hobbling back and forth from the bathroom in John's room. It would be nice to have her stomach settle, so she wouldn't continue to attract attention to her condition. Rodney was starting to look at her like she was carrying the plague, instead of the child he knew nothing about.

The big Satedan plopped on the chair next to her and pointed to John. "How's he doing?"

"He woke for a few minutes about an hour ago. Dr. Lam was correct. He is improving."

"Did you tell him?"

"Ronon ..." She gave him a withering look as she broke into the first bag of crackers. "I would prefer it if he were fully conscious when he finds out he is going to be a father."

"I don't know. He might take it better this way."

She slapped his arm.

"Ow!" he said with a laugh behind it.

Teyla pursed her lips. She didn't really know how John was going to take it. On the one hand, she knew he would be an excellent father. He seemed to enjoy playing around with the Athosian children and he never seemed to lose patience with them. But on the other hand, she didn't even know if John had ever considered having children of his own. They had never gotten so far as to have a discussion about it. They were finally getting settled into their relationship when all this had happened and now she had another big piece of news to drop on him. And she was certain that he would be as concerned about her previous history as she was. She knew this pregnancy was unlikely to be a walk in the park. Complications were a possibility and it terrified her. She could only imagine what John would think.

"Hey," Ronon nudged her with his elbow. "He'll be fine."

Teyla sighed. "I hope you are right."

Ronon laughed again. "I've got the perfect thing to cheer you up. Just picture McKay's face when he finds out there are gonna be two Sheppards in Atlantis."

She rolled her eyes.

 

* * *

 

It was getting late and Dave Sheppard was ready to call it a night. Teyla was the lone straggler left that night and she was wilting in her chair.

"Teyla, why don't you sleep in your room tonight?" he asked. "You've been sick all day and I'm sure a good night's sleep will help." As he expected, she insisted on staying behind. It seemed nothing was going to pry her from John's side.

"Okay ..." He reluctantly let it go and hit the lights on his way out. "I'll see you in the morning."

She had no energy left and it was only minutes after he left that she fell asleep.

A crash against the bed rail and a familiar groan of pain awoke Teyla in the middle of the night. The dim nightlight overlooking John's bed reflected over him, highlighting his unkempt mop of hair spilling forward as he sat up. With one arm cradling his stomach, he reached across with the other and ripped the IV out of his arm.

"John!" she shouted as she attempted to extricate herself from the duo of chairs masquerading as a bed. Kicking them out of the way, she limped to his side as he tried to get up.

She grabbed him by the shoulders. "John, you must stop."

His arms, with surprising strength, clamped down on hers. "Teyla?"

"Yes, it's me. You are in the hospital. Please stop."

"Teyla, we've got to get outta here," he said urgently. "This whole place is gonna come down."

"No! John, you must stop," she repeated. "You are injured. You have to stay ..."

John surged to his feet. Caught unprepared for the force of his movement, Teyla's legs dug in to keep him from moving too far. The fact that her knee was woefully incapable of sustaining that kind of pressure completely slipped her mind in the struggle. Her nails dug into John's arms and she cried out as a sharp, stinging pain shot through her leg. She clung to John to keep herself from toppling over and, to her surprise, he stopped in his delusional quest for escape and held her to him.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, turning his face toward hers.

She shook her head, her breath coming in gasps. "I will be fine, John, but you must return to your bed."

When he didn't budge a single inch, she tried to ease his tension. "I promise you, John, we are both quite safe. The danger has passed."

She lightly pushed him backward to the edge of the mattress and he moved with her. Once he was sitting back down, she reached over to the florescent light and switched it on. They both squinted as the bright, white light hit their eyes.

Teyla waved to the interior of the small room and came to stand directly in front of him. "We are in a hospital on Earth."

John shook his head as though he were trying to shake loose his memory. "What happened, Teyla?"

"You were injured in an explosion. You were taken to Atlantis and then brought here. You don't remember?"

"No," he replied quietly. "Did everyone make it out okay?"

"Everyone is safe."

John stayed quiet for a few minutes. His eyes were darting around, searching for something. A faint strand of thought, a straw to grasp.

"I think ..." he paused. "It was loud. Wasn't it?"

Teyla nodded. "That's right."

He looked lost. She wrapped her arms around him and he rested his head against her chest. With a kiss to the top of his head, she said, "It's alright, John, you are still healing. You need more rest. Your memories will return in time."

John picked up his head and looked at her.

"Teyla, I can't ... Things are ... all a jumble and I can't quite ..."

"Give it time, John."

He gaze up at her, thoughtful, his eyes slowly taking her in. They eventually settled on her lips and he lifted a finger to gently trace the smooth outline.

"I remember this," he said softly before inching closer, like he was reaching for something. 

As his lips touched against hers, her taste was familiar. Following his instinct, John's hand tightened around the nape of her neck and brought her closer and closer to him. Their lips needy but soft, they tasted each other. He inhaled the soapy perfume that lingered on her skin. He let his fingertips run through her hair.

She pulled away from him. "John, you don't have to ..."

"Teyla," he said shakily. "I remember you. You're the only thing that ... that makes sense."

Sorrowful, she laid her forehead to his. "I promise you, it will come back." She kissed his cheek and pushed him back onto the mattress. Teyla helped him lay down and held his hand until sleep inevitably claimed him again.


	24. Unfinished Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference to The Return.

"Are you sure everything's back? 'All systems go' or whatever it is you military types like to say?"

John sat on the hospital bed, lifting his arms out of Carolyn's way while she put a fresh bandage over his midsection. "Don't worry, McKay. There are still a few gaps, but I remember all the important stuff. You're deathly allergic to citrus. Your first name is Meredith. Your sister, Jeannie, is married, has a daughter,  _and_  is smarter than you. Your password is ..."

"I don't know, Sheppard," McKay interrupted. "You used to be funnier."

John let out a few guffaws of mock-laughter. Dr. Lam cut it short, though, with a slight readjustment of his bandage and the medical tape pulling out some of the unfortunate hairs underneath.

"Sorry, Colonel," the doctor said dryly. "Maybe you should think about holding still."

Stifling a wince, John responded teasingly, "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Keller. She, at least, tries to be gentle."

Carolyn yanked on the bandage again, harder this time, and John stiffened. He was sure she'd left a bald spot with that one. "Sadist."

Dr. Lam let a smile peek through her all-business attitude. He was starting to resemble the man she'd gotten to know during his brief stint at the SGC. To see Col. Sheppard joking around again was immensely gratifying. After the late night call from Teyla to repair the minor damage he'd done in his altered state, he'd spent more and more time awake and with each successive time, he had been more alert and less confused.

John held still for her and she was able to finish the bandage relatively quickly. "You need to keep that clean," she instructed him. With an obedient nod, he pulled on a shirt and started buttoning it down.

"Are we rushing things, though, do you think?" Rodney asked her nervously.

"McKay," John said, "I've spent the last week on my back. I need to get out of here."

"I'm not listening to you. For all I know, it's the brain damage talking."

"Once! I forgot who you were, once! How long are you gonna hold that over my head, huh?"

Carolyn shook her head. Things were definitely getting back to normal. "Dr. McKay, we've checked and double-checked."

"Not to mention, you've been pop quizzing me all morning," John added on his own behalf.

"He's well enough to be discharged," Carolyn finished. "But," she pointed at the colonel, "you are to take it easy. I mean it. I don't want to see you back on one of my tables for a good long time."

Rodney quipped, "You'd think that would be simple enough. He does live in another galaxy."

John climbed down from the bed. It felt good to have his feet on the ground again. He answered the jab with a smile. "You know what, McKay? Next time, I should just let Michael's hybrids get you."

"Uh-uh. Nice try, but the heroics don't count if you can't remember having done it."

"Since when is this a rule?"

"I just made it up."

"You can't just ..."

"Ahem." Teyla appeared in the doorway, clearly in the nick of time. She sighed and crossed the room to John and propped herself up on her crutches. "I cannot leave you two alone, can I?"

With an endearing tilt of the head and that mischievous glint she missed so much, John replied quietly, "McKay's feeling testy. He's had no one to yell at for a week and he's got a lot pent up." He leaned forward, closing the distance between the two of them, and gave her a quick kiss.

Rodney grimaced at the PDA. "See? You're different! The John Sheppard I know would've saved the mushy stuff for someplace more ... private."

John appeared to be winding up for another round of back-and-forth, so Teyla stepped in. "Rodney is only concerned about you. We all are. Now, the others are waiting for us at the car. We really should go—if you are ready, of course," she said.

"Oh, I'm ready," John replied. He waited patiently enough for Teyla to get herself turned around, then putting his hand in the small of her back, he walked beside her as the three of them made their way out of the room.

Carolyn called behind them. "I'll check you again at the SGC before you catch the Daedalus. Teyla, if you need anything before then, you know who to call."

"Thank you very much, Dr. Lam. For everything," Teyla said.

John echoed her sincerity. "Thanks, Doc."

 

* * *

 

It was a beautiful day out. The sun was beaming down on them through fat, fluffy white clouds. There was a light breeze slipping its way through the trees. On the whole, it was idyllic and perfect for the group who were all getting a bit stir crazy. After staring at the walls of the hospital for a week, it was decided to take advantage of the weather for a while. They hit a store for a few supplies. The local kids were still in school, so the park was virtually empty when they arrived.

Mason pulled a football and a case of bottled water from the trunk of the SUV on loan from the SGC, and began to school Ronon on the finer points of the game. The Satedan, having seen football games on video with John, picked it up quickly and was a lot more enthusiastic about it than he'd been about golf. With some arm-twisting, they got Dave to join in. He was rusty having not played since high school, but it wasn't long before he found his rhythm. When they went looking for a fourth, though, Rodney planted his feet in the ground and firmly refused. He was a scientist, not a brute. Everyone else was much bigger than he was, and to top it all off, he's Canadian.

John had to bite his lip not to make a retort regarding Ronon and his ease with the game, despite his not even being from this planet.

Rodney took up a position on the sidelines with John.

Without enough players to properly play, the trio settled into a rotating pattern. One person would pass the ball down the field, while one was playing receiver, and the last guy would go for the tackle. John cringed as Mason took a nasty hit. 

 _Maybe we should've picked up some pads, too, while we were at it._  

He yelled as Ronon was helping Capshaw to his feet. "Ronon! We just left the hospital! We do  _not_  want to go back!"

"Sorry," the big guy said.

Settled on a nearby bench, with her leg stretched out, Teyla watched the game unfold with mild fascination and a light heart. John wasn't moving very fast and it wouldn't be long before he would tire and have to rest again, but seeing him up and having fun for a while thrilled her. Her vantage point also gave her the opportunity to admire the fit of John's jeans. He didn't wear them around the city very often, so she soaked up the image while she could.

A short while later, Dave took a pass from Mason and found Ronon already in full flight, chasing him—a terrifying sight for a civilian or anybody else, for that matter. He let out a muffled expletive and prayed all those years on the treadmill would pay off as he sprinted to the end of the field.

"Oh, Jesus ..." John muttered to himself, when he saw the hulking warrior closing the distance. He shouted to his brother, "Faster! You better move faster!"

Dave's legs moved like pistons. Meanwhile, the tank that was Ronon bore down on him. The 'endzone' rapidly approached. Teyla covered her eyes as John watched with his arms tensely folded over his chest, mouthing, "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon ..."

Dave crossed the endzone untouched, and John threw up his arms and excitedly smacked Rodney in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Rodney rubbed the smarting area. "Look at that. At least one of you can outrun Ronon."

Of course, immediately after he started celebrating Dave's clean run, John regretted it. His body callously reminded him with a stabbing pain that, while his head was on straight again, the rest of him still had a ways to go. He couldn't make too many more moves like that or he'd pop his stitches and then he'd be in Dr. Lam's clutches again.

"I'm taking a break, Rodney," John said, agreeing to a temporary truce with his injuries. While the scientist watched him carefully, he gritted his teeth to bend over to grab a couple of bottles of water and walked over to the bench to sit with Teyla.

"Hey. Any room for me?" he asked her. "I brought drinks."

"For that, I could be persuaded to make room," she answered with a smile. As she adjusted the comfortable lounging position she was in to allow him to slide in next to her, she accepted the water bottle he handed her. Nestled against one another, John draped his arm around her shoulders. She unscrewed the lid, took a few refreshing gulps, and rested her head on him.

A feeling of bliss settled in her heart. "I have missed you, John. Very much."

"I told you, didn't I?" he said softly to her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes, you did," she conceded. She didn't need to point out how dangerously close he had come to breaking his word. They were both all too aware of it. The only reason they were here, able to enjoy each other now, was because of the hard work of their friends and a lot of luck.

"Have you been able to remember anything more of what happened?" she asked.

"No. Last thing I can remember clearly is the mission briefing. Beyond that, it's just ... vague impressions. Nothing concrete." His frustration was obvious. He indicated her injured leg. "Take that, for example. I know you told me I was there when it happened, but there's nothing there."

She squeezed him. "It does not matter anymore, John."

"It matters to me. I can't look at you and really know what happened. I mean, did I try to help you, or was I too far gone and just stood back and watched it happen? I should know the answer to that. It should be right here in my head, but it's not."

Teyla sat up and made eye contact with him. "I know I cannot replace your own memories, John, but I know the answer. You fought for me with everything you had left in you. I hope you can take comfort in that. You need not worry."

"It's just gonna take some time to get used to, I guess," he exhaled. "I suppose it's lucky that's all that's missing. It could've been a lot worse."

"Yes, it could have."

They sat together and watched the football get tossed back and forth, though Rodney probably provided the most entertainment. Every time someone got tackled, his reaction was so exaggerated one would think he was the one who had hit the grass. Teyla tried not to laugh at Rodney's expense, however John's chuckles were contagious and she couldn't help herself before long.

When the game stopped for a quick water break, John took a drink from his bottle. "How are you feeling, by the way? Any better?" he asked.

Over the last few days, as John had become more and more aware of his surroundings again, he'd taken notice of her frequent trips to the bathroom. Teyla, mortified and knowing the timing was not yet right for him to know, had claimed to be suffering from a stomach bug.

"Yes, a little. The fresh air helps," she replied truthfully. The myriad of smells inside the hospital had all combined in Teyla's stomach to create wave after wave of nausea. Despite the crackers, it seemed this child was determined to announce its impending arrival to everyone and the flimsy excuse only bought her so much time. She needed to tell him and now seemed as good a time as any.

"John?"

"Yeah?" He was only partially paying attention. The sun had shifted and the glare of the light was hurting his eyes. He was reaching into his shirt pocket, looking for his sunglasses. 

"There is something ..." she said, barely able to form the words. "I just need to speak with you about something." She was taken by surprise at how nervous she was. Her hands were actually starting to shake.

He slid on his shades and asked, "What is it, sweetie?"

Her heart hammered on, but the small endearment helped to remind her that he loved her and things would work out. "John, I am—"

"Hey, John!" Dave yelled from the field.

John's gaze tore from her. "Sorry, Teyla," he apologized before yelling back. "What?"

His older brother jogged over to the bench. "I was wondering if we could go get that steak tonight to celebrate your release. "

"I wouldn't say no to that," he answered. "Teyla, you wanna come along?"

"Absolutely, Teyla. You're more than welcome," Dave added. "The guys have plans to get some burgers and take Ronon to the movies, so it'd be just us. Did you know he's never actually been to a movie theater?"

John smothered another impulse to talk about things he shouldn't. "Yeah, Ronon's not from around here."

"I may not be getting a lot of answers out of you, John, but that much I figured out for myself," Dave responded. "So, Teyla, are you in?"

"Perhaps it would best if I remained at the hotel. You two should spend some time together before we have to leave," she suggested.

"Leave? You're going back already?" asked Dave. "I thought you were on medical leave."

John clenched his jaw. They'd been getting along really well having skillfully dodged all the hot-button topics. The Sheppards were masters of avoidance, but he knew it wasn't going to last.  _Here it comes._  "The next ship back leaves in two days."

"Two days? John, you nearly died! How can they possibly expect you to be ready for duty in two days?"

"Ship leaves in two days. We won't get there for three weeks. I'll be well enough to do most of what I need to by then."

Dave rubbed at his temples. "Where on Earth could you be going that it will take you three weeks to get there?"

John just raised his eyebrows and took another big drink from his water bottle.

 

* * *

 

One thing that was great about being in a small town like Colorado Springs was that you didn't have to get all dressed up to go out for a decent steak. There was a pretty decent bar-and-grill not far from the hotel, so Dave and John walked the distance, freeing up the SUV for Mason, Ronon, and Rodney. After sleeping for a good chunk of the afternoon, John was feeling energized again and was excited for the chance to stretch his legs a bit, whereas Dave was sore from the game and whinged the whole way.

"By the way, how did you find out about this place?" Dave asked.

"Oh, General O'Neill recommended it to me about a year or so ago, when I was stationed here for a while," John mused. "He said 'They were really great about the bar fight and the food was good too'. I figured I had to give it a try."

Dave laughed. "With a recommendation like that, how could you not?"

"Exactly."

They got inside and got seated pretty quickly. It being a weeknight, there weren't a lot of people clamoring to get into the place. It wasn't really the kind of place people clamored to get into anyway. The waitress, a twenty-two-year-old with too much make-up and not enough clothes on, took their order and got their drinks. John looked at Dave's beer with a twinge of jealousy, because, for health reasons, he was stuck with water.

"So you were stationed here in Colorado?"

John answered with a nod of admission. "I should've called. I know that. But if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't for very long. I didn't even really unpack before I was headed back to ... where I am now."

"And where is that?" Dave questioned him again.

"I can't tell you that, Dave. It's classified," John repeated. "You're like a little dog who refuses to drop someone's shoe."

Dave shrugged, accepting the metaphor. "Hey, I signed the forms. I just feel like I deserve something after this week. Come on, John. Throw me a bone."

"Stop chewing on my shoe, Dave."

"Always so stubborn."

"Yeah, well, back at ya," John rebutted. He rolled his eyes and offered, "Okay. You know the healing device that they used?"

Dave leaned forward in anticipation. "And the sarcophagus?"

"Yeah, those too."

"What about them?"

"Not even the tip of the iceberg," John stated.

Dave exhaled. It wasn't much to go on, but it was something. Shaking his head, he said, "John, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?"

The steaks arrived soon and they dug in. It wasn't the best steak he'd ever had, but after hospital food it was heaven.

He halfway through when Dave decided it was time to break their unspoken rule and bring up the off-limits subject. "You know, John, we never did talk about Dad's will. You should know ..."

John nearly lost his appetite. "I have everything I need. I don't want any of Dad's money or anything else. It's all yours."

"That's very generous of you, but you should know what he left you before you throw it all away, okay?"

John didn't say anything. He just started pushing his food around his plate. Dave took that as being the one opportunity he would get. "Dad left you a thirty percent share in the company."

When John started furiously shaking his head, Dave quickly added, "You don't have to do anything, John. He wanted you to have it to fall back on, if one day you decide you're done with the military. Maybe when you retire. But before you go cursing Dad's name again, just remember he was only looking out for you."

"Is that it? Are we done now?" John just wanted this to be over with, so they could bury the subject and hopefully it wouldn't have to come up again.

"He left you the cabin and the New York townhouse. You can keep them, sell them, whatever you want. It's up to you."

John nodded. "Fine."

"John, I didn't want to do this, but it's a legal issue and things have to be dealt with. If you hadn't come, I would've had to contact you about it anyway."

"I get it," he said.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a good ten minutes before Dave screwed up the courage to talk to him again. He hadn't wanted to bring up their father, but as he told John, he didn't have a choice.

"John, do you really have to leave so soon?"

"Yeah. There's a lot of unfinished business to deal with."

"This war you're fighting? Is it worth it?"

"Who said anything about a war?"

"John," Dave said, getting exasperated with all the secrecy, "your friend, Ronon, was recently shot, Teyla's on crutches with a busted knee, and you ... you were in an explosion! You were on your deathbed, for God's sake! In my book, that adds up to a war. Are you going to look me in the eye and tell me you're in the diplomacy game?"

John tensed up and said, "Yes. It's worth it."

"What about Teyla? Seems to me you might be thinking about having a future with her. What does she think about it?"

John growled at his brother. "Don't bring Teyla into this."

"I didn't, little brother. You did. She's here because of you."

"Look," John hissed. "Teyla knows better than anyone how important what we're doing is."

"It isn't worth your life, John. I don't think she would think so either. If you could have seen her face when you were on that ventilator, you'd know that."

Dave might as well have taken a mallet to John's head. That was how deeply John felt the blow of the comment. The pain he'd put Teyla through would haunt him for the rest of his days, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't stop. The Wraith would kill countless humans across Pegasus and beyond, if they got the chance. It was a war worth fighting and, if given no other choice, worth dying for.

Dave spoke again. "I didn't come here to argue with you, but it seems to be a habit of ours and I want the chance to break it." He lowered his voice. "You scared the hell out of me this week. I don't think I could do this again. I can't go to your funeral, kid."

"I don't know what you want me to say." John shrugged. "I don't plan on dying. But if something does happen, I'm looking you in the eye. I'm telling you it was worth it."

Dave sighed. "I want to understand, John."

"I wish I could tell you. It would make this a helluva lot easier."

"Maybe someday?" Dave proposed, raising his beer bottle.

John picked up his water glass and lightly tapped the bottle. "I look forward to it."

 

* * *

 

John threw the hotel room keycard on the endtable. He was tired again. 

 _This is getting old. Or maybe it's me who's getting old._  

He and Dave had managed to wrap dinner up on a positive note and he'd managed to finish his steak, so he guessed it was a good thing he went.

He turned on one of the little bedside lamps and eased onto the bed. He leaned over and gave Teyla a kiss.

"John?" she mumbled.

He yanked off his shoes and said, "I'm back. I'm just gonna get cleaned up." His fingers flicked over the buttons and he shook off his shirt, revealing a large bandage that needed to be changed.

She rolled over to face him. "Do you need help with that?"

"No, I've got it, thanks."

She sat up in the bed. "How did your dinner go?"

"More good than bad, which for us is pretty impressive," he told her. He got up and rifled through his bag from the hospital where his fresh bandages, tape, and pain meds were, but he couldn't seem to find the meds. "Teyla, have you seen my ..." She was eyeing him nervously. "What?"

"I would like to talk to you still, if you are not too tired."

He shrugged. "Might as well. I'm gonna up for a little while longer anyway."

Still scanning the room and his memory for what he'd done with the missing pill bottle, he started to undo his belt. If anything, Teyla was looking more nervous. He couldn't recall, in his admittedly fuzzy memory, her ever being that uneasy. "Are you feeling sick again? You've been sick for a while. Maybe we should have Dr. Lam take a look."

"That will not be necessary, John."

A light bulb went off in his head. The pills were sitting on the bathroom counter. With his belt undone, his jeans rode low on his hips as he walked into the bathroom. He flicked on the light and there it was. The tiny brown bottle. He snatched it up, pulled off the lid, and dry swallowed the couple he was supposed to take. He screwed the lid back on as he walked back out into the main room.

"Got 'em," he said.

"John, I'm pregnant."

He froze in his tracks. His mind went blank and his throat suddenly seemed very, very dry.

"I'm sorry ... what did you say?"


	25. Conversations

John stood rooted in place, his eyes studying her, searching for some sign that he may have misheard. Maybe Rodney had talked her into participating in one of his bad practical jokes. As soon as the idea occurred to him, he knew it wasn't true. She would never agree to mess with him about something so ... big.

It had been a long day. He was distracted and made a mistake. That was all.

But, as he read her, he saw his Teyla—his amazing, beautiful, confident Teyla—growing more unsteady by the second. She met his gaze with a worried expression that mirrored his own and said, "I am carrying a child, John."

John felt the blood draining from his face. The shadow of a memory locked away slipped to the surface, and he had the sense that the ground was shifting beneath his feet, threatening to swallow him whole. He had to mentally steady himself as he felt his knees turning into mush beneath him.

A baby. She's having a baby.

He gulped, keenly aware that all the moisture in his mouth seemed to have evaporated. "I ... uh ... I think I need to sit down."

He lowered himself to the mattress and felt the gentle touch of Teyla's hand on his back as the shock-induced whiteout that was clouding his mind lifted, and a thousand thoughts flooded in at once. How had this happened?

Well ... 

He may not be in the best frame of mind at the moment, but at least he knew the answer to that one. Head trauma notwithstanding, Baby-Making 101 was still firmly locked into place. Beyond that, though, he had nothing.

What did he know about taking care of a baby? For that matter, what did he know about being a dad? He knew what he didn't want to be, but he wasn't a widowed businessman with a nanny on the payroll. He was a soldier in the middle of a war zone. How was that any better? What right did he have bringing a kid into the kind of life he led? A life that constantly took him away from home and - as he'd been so recently and brutally reminded - could end in an instant.

God, he thought as harsh realization dawned on him. He never would've known. He could've died never knowing about the child he had fathered. And Teyla, he would've left her alone with a tiny, helpless ...

God.

"John ..." her voice called to him from the depths of his mind. She had come to rest across his back, her hands gently floating up and down the length of his arms. "Are you alright?"

Her head settled on his shoulder and he could see a glassy sheen working its way across her soft eyes. He was scaring her. He hadn't meant to do that. All he had done for the last week was scare her and it ate him like a cancer.

He reached for one of her hands. "I'm sorry, Teyla. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Why are you sorry, John?" she asked, truly not understanding what he could possibly be apologizing for.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen." His eyes drifted away to stare down at the rumpled sheets. He couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore. "I'm sorry I got hurt. It's bad enough that I put you through that and now you have to worry about a baby, too. I should've been more careful."

Teyla pulled her hand away from his and reached upward. She lifted his stubble-covered chin and gently brought him up to face her. "John Sheppard, don't you dare apologize for giving me this child."

"I could've ..."

"You didn't. You are still here," she cut him off. "We have a chance to make a family together. There is nothing more precious than that."

His eyes narrowed. "What about the next time or the next or the one after that? It never ends, Teyla. There's always going to be something. And it ..." he paused, his fears strangling him, "What if next time, it's not me. What if it's you? What if ...?"

He didn't think his heart could cope if he lost her. Or their baby. How could he protect them both with so much danger always lurking? He couldn't even protect himself. And what about the things he couldn't fight, the things he couldn't hit or shoot or blow out of the sky? What if she miscarried again? Not even all of Dr. Keller's expertise and Atlantis' advanced technology could help her before. Why would this time be any different?

"How far along are you?" he heard himself ask.

"It is still very early, John."

"How far?"

"About three weeks."

"Last time ... Were you this sick last time?" He inwardly berated himself for not knowing. It was before they were together, but, as a friend, he should've known if she was sick and he hadn't noticed.

"I was," she confessed, "but it was not until much later."

"So what does that mean?"

"Dr. Lam has assured me that, so far, everything looks normal," she tried to assure him. "She says that every pregnancy is different. What occurs in one may not necessarily be true for another."

John nodded, soaking in the information. At least she'd been checked out already. 

Teyla sat back against the headboard and sighed, showing the same signs of stress on her face that he felt in his. This should've been a happy moment for them. They were in love and they were having a baby. Most couples would have smiled, laughed, embraced, and enjoyed the moment. Then again, most couples didn't have the kinds of challenges they faced in front of them.

He looked at her and tried to picture the good things, the possibilities that didn't come entrenched in tragedy. To his astonishment, it came pretty easily. He could see Teyla with a sweaty brow and her hair disheveled, cradling a small bundle in her arms and smiling up at him. He could imagine her singing while she walked the baby up and down their quarters. John found himself wanting to wander the halls of Atlantis, to show his kid the best views and the coolest toys. He wondered if the baby would inherit the gene and be able to command the city the way he could. Maybe even better.

He tried to picture the baby's face, a combination of Teyla and him. At that, he failed miserably. All he could envision was a tiny pair of almond eyes in a face influenced only by her, and he was awestruck. He lowered his head, feeling a tightening in his chest. How could it be that, in just a few minutes, he'd gone from being frozen stiff at the idea of having a child to being terrified that he wouldn't?

John looked up at Teyla, the woman he loved more than life. She was trying not to call attention to it, but she had tears streaming down her face and he made a decision. It wasn't fair for him to lay all his worries on her right now. There would be time enough later to talk things out. She had been through enough to last two lifetimes and had had enough happy memories ripped away from her. He refused to be the reason this one was taken away, too.

He scooted further onto the bed toward her. His hand started at her knee and ran up her leg until it hit the silky material of her short nightgown.

"John ..." she started, but he silenced her with a look.

He slid the flimsy, lavender colored nightgown up. When it got stuck beneath her backside, she raised her hips so he could move it past her waist, revealing her flat, toned stomach. He gently laid his hand over the area where his baby rested and his thumb stroked Teyla's soft skin.

He said, "I don't want you to worry anymore. We're gonna make it through this. All of us."

Keeping his hand where it lay, he leaned over and kissed Teyla deeply, her tears wetting his face. She caressed his cheeks as his lips parted over hers.

After a few passionate sweeps, he freed his mouth, but didn't put completely away. His lips brushed her cheeks as he spoke into her ear. "We are going to have this baby and you are gonna be the most beautiful mother anyone's ever seen."

Teyla jingled with a soft laugh. "I love you, John."

With his face still pressed up against hers, he started to tremble and his hands tightened around her. "You don't know, Teyla. You don't know how much I love you. I don't think I could ever tell you."

"I know, John," she whispered, before she pulled him to her again. "I know."

 

* * *

 

"I'm not going to any more horror movies. Ever," Rodney complained. His stomach still didn't feel right. Unexpectedly unloading his dinner at the theater had completely ruined his night. "It must've been the hot dog. Movie theater hot dogs never work out well."

Mason pulled the SUV up to the curb and parked. "Or the burger, or the fries, or the tub of popcorn," he recited. "Or the Milk Duds, or the gallon of soda ..."

"You shouldn't eat so much before a blood bath. Things don't settle right," Ronon advised.

"Hmm. You'd know, I guess," Rodney grumbled.

The trio filed out of the car and entered the hotel.

"It wasn't blood," Mason said. "It was corn syrup."

Rodney grimaced as he felt his stomach turn. "Don't say ... syrup ... or anything else having to do with food."

Mason chuckled. "Look at that, Ronon. We've cured him."

"Won't last long," Ronon said with a grin.

It was a small place, but the rooms were nice enough. During John's stay in the hospital, the IOA, in their infinite cheapness, had only them gotten enough rooms for them to share. Dave had offered to pay for more, but the teammates, used to sharing sleeping space, decided it didn't make sense for everyone to have their own room when they weren't even really using them anyway. The majority of their time was spent at John's side. Mason wound up rooming with Dave, because he was deemed the one least likely to blow their big secret, leaving one for McKay and Ronon, and one for Teyla.

They ran into Dave in the navy blue carpeted hallway, carrying the little bucket from the room to the ice machine. "Hey, guys. How was it?" he asked.

"Messy," Rodney responded.

Dave asked curiously, "Ronon?"

"It was cool."

Mason grinned at Ronon's understatement. "It was awesome. Guns, monsters, explosions. He was like a kid in a candy store. That's another thing we should do while we're here. We've got to take you to a candy store. You wouldn't believe the things they come up with. They put scorpions in lollipops."

"What's a lollipop?"

While Dave was wondering how Ronon could've gotten through life without knowing what something as simple as a lollipop is, Rodney groaned again. "What did we say about the food talk?"

Dave invited the guys back to the room to watch the game recaps on TV and he wanted to hear more about their night. Ronon agreed readily enough, but Rodney was waffling about whether he should or not all the way down the hall to Dave's room. "I don't know. Maybe I should just take some antacids and hit the sack."

"Come on, McKay. Live a little," said Mason.

"No, you know what? I think I've done enough living for one evening. I'll, uh, just pop by and say goodnight to Sheppard and Teyla. I'll see you guys in the morning."

As he turned to go, Ronon grabbed him by the shoulders and forcibly spun him back around and into Mason and Dave's room.

"What are you doing?" Rodney asked.

Ronon shook his head. "I wouldn't."

"What? Why?"

"How long did you say you've been back?" Mason asked Dave.

"A few hours. Why?" Dave replied. He didn't know where the two soldiers were going with this either.

Mason turned back to Rodney. "Just trust us. You're better off here," he said, backing up Ronon.

"Is something wrong?"

Ronon flopped onto the bed and put up his feet. "Oh, I'm sure they're doing just fine," he stated suggestively.

Dave covered his eyes and shook his head as it sunk in what they were talking about. He didn't need that image.

Rodney was still clueless.

Mason exhaled. Here was one of the self-billed "greatest minds in the galaxy" and he was having to dumb things down for him. He played with the keys to the SUV, tossing them back and forth from hand to hand. "Think about it, McKay. It's first time they've been alone in ... how long?"

Rodney's brow furrowed and then it was like someone flipped a switch. "You don't think ..." he started. Then he went on, the pitch of his voice noticeably higher. "In the shape they're in? How would the mechanics of that even work?"

Mason shrugged. "Where there's a will, there's a way."

From the bed, Ronon said, "Don't think about it too much, McKay. You'll just hurt yourself."

 

* * *

 

"What happened in here?" John asked incredulously, unwittingly crumpling up the piece of paper he had in his hand.

Laying the wrong direction on the bed, Rodney yelled from under a pile of pillows. "They kidnapped me!" then he started mumbling, "... wanted to go to bed and then ... there was the beer ... a lot of beer ..."

John had gone to the other room first looking for a ride, but when neither McKay nor Ronon were there, he decided to check the other room. Capshaw let him in and appeared to be the only one that wasn't completely hungover. Of the two double beds in the room, Rodney was buried across one and Ronon was slung over the other with a lamp under his gargantuan arms. Dave was slumped in the doorway to the bathroom, nursing a glass of water.

"John, we need food," Dave said and then clutched his aching head.

"Have a hangover, do ya? Bet it's been a while since you've had one of those," John smiled smugly. "You just keep working on that water. We'll see about the food."

"We got a little carried away last night, sir," Mason tried to explain.

John nodded. "I can see that. And you don't need to call me sir. We're not on duty." The colonel crept over to where McKay's voice had breached the pillows and started pulling them off the bed.

"Don't ... don't do that ..." Rodney complained. When he was exposed to the open air again, he squinted up at John. "What do you want?"

"I need a lift. I've got a few things I need to pick up and I need someone to drive me."

"Why can't you just drive yourself?" Rodney asked.

"Head injury, Rodney. Remember? It's a no-no for me to drive and use heavy machinery."

"I'd drive you, Colonel, but I'm supposed to meet the physical therapist at the gym in twenty," Mason said. "Part of my med eval."

John nodded and gave him a quick apology. The only reason Capshaw was having to deal with all the official medical nonsense was because of him and he felt bad.

"John, I can drive," Dave said.

"You sure about that?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Okay," he accepted. He shouted, "Ronon! Rodney! Get up!"

Ronon stirred and, realizing he was snuggled up to a part of the décor, shoved the lamp away. Rodney moaned at the noise level, "Was that really necessary?"

"Come on. I don't have all day and apparently we've got to squeeze in a food run," John barked, secretly enjoying torturing his friends in their weakened state.

"Can I at least take a shower first?" Rodney begged.

"I wouldn't take you any other way, McKay."

Ronon, being no stranger to playing through pain, was reasonably functional even though he'd been drinking the most. Earth beer was nothing compared the Ruus wine the Athosians made. The big Satedan snatched the paper out of John's hand. "What's this?"

"Shopping list."

Ronon raised his eyebrow, asking a silent question as he scanned down the list. John answered, "For Teyla."

"Oh. She needs more crackers already?"

John took the list back and started to squirm. He didn't know if they were telling people or not. He and Teyla hadn't really done much talking the rest of the night. "Yeah, she's not feeling too hot this morning and I figured it couldn't hurt to get some more."

Rodney had managed to get himself upright. "She's still sick? Maybe we should think about taking her back to the SGC. She could've brought some parasite or a superbug or something through the gate with her."

"What gate?" Dave asked, knowing full well he wasn't going to get an answer. He wasn't going to quit trying, though. His brother was right. He was stubborn, and someday he'd find out what was going on.

"Nevermind." John pointed a stern finger at Dave, then he returned his attention to McKay. "Lay off Teyla. She's not sick."

"But you just said ..."

"McKay," John warned.

"I'm being serious. We could have a real problem on our hands," Rodney protested, suddenly very passionate in the face of a potential epidemic. "The SGC needs to be notified. She may need to be quarantined. You know, I'm not feeling so well ..."

"Rodney!" John stopped him before he worked his way to bringing in hazmat teams. "Teyla's pregnant."

The hypochondriac's eyes went wide in shock along with most of the eyes in the room. But when John scanned around him, he found one pair suspiciously unmoved.

"Ronon ..."

The Satedan shrugged. "I know." 

"How did you ...?" John said flustered. "You know ...! You could at least pretend you don't know everything before I do."

"I'm not good at pretending," Ronon stated, then added with a sly smile. "Do you want me to let you know when I find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

John picked up one of Rodney's cast off pillows and hurled it at him. While the warrior was laughing it off, McKay seemed to return to reality and the axis of his reality had just been knocked completely askew.

"You knocked up Teyla?"

"Geez, Rodney!" John cringed at the expression. "Could you possibly think of a worse way to put it?"

"She's pregnant? With a little ...?"

"That's usually how it works."

"So that explains all the, uh ..."

"Yes, and she'd appreciate it if you'd stop with the Germ-X every time you come near her."

"You can never be too careful," McKay defended himself. "A lesson  _you_  should've learned by now."

"Give me a break, McKay."

"John," Dave said from his side. He had moved from his private corner of the room. John turned around. He looked at Dave and the serious expression he wore. He, all of a sudden, felt like a teenager in trouble facing his father. Dave's resemblance to their father wasn't just in his lifestyle, he also shared Patrick Sheppard's mannerisms and striking looks. John stood up straight and waited for the lecture that he was sure was coming.

Then, Dave threw his arms around his shoulders and gave him a hug, throwing John off his guard. With a pat on the back, the elder Sheppard said, "I'm really happy for you. You're gonna make a great dad."

John gave him a quick, awkward pat in return. "Thanks ... I hope so."

He circled back around to Mason, who was still leaning against the front door. "You have anything you want to say?"

The marine just said, "Congratulations, sir. I don't think you could've picked anyone better."

Surprised, John shook Mason's hand when it was offered. He'd figured, out of all them, Capshaw would've been the one to balk the most. He and Teyla hadn't exactly hit it off. Again, he wished he knew what had happened on that last mission, because something had definitely changed.

"Okay ..." he said with a shake of the head. "You're all freaking me out a little. Why don't we see if they've got a continental breakfast or something in the lobby?"

He shuffled everybody out the door.

It was hours later when he finally went back through his own room door again. With a couple of plastic grocery bags dangling from his wrist, he said, "Teyla, I've decided. Bring on the baby. Nothing could possibly be harder than what I just did."

She slowly shuffled over to shut the door behind him as he walked to the circular table in the corner, near the air conditioner. "What is that?" she asked with the tired, used up bearing that he had learned to expect when she'd spent the morning in the bathroom.

"Babysitting. I think I'm gonna need a leave from my leave."

When he lifted the bags up to put them down, he let out a hiss and his arm instinctively dropped to cover his side. The bags fell to the floor, spilling bottled water, a few boxes of crackers, a new hairbrush and razor, an astronomy reference book, and a case of popcorn destined for his quarters in Atlantis.

"Are you alright, John?"

"Yeah," he said through gritted teeth. "Ronon just got a little carried away earlier." Standing stiffly while the stinging subsided, he lifted the bottom of his shirt. "Take a look, would you?"

Teyla reached for his bandage and gingerly pulled the tape down, careful not to cause him more pain. On the inner lining, besides the usual residue left over from the healing wound, there were a few streaks of bright red blood. "You have broken some of your stitches," she declared.

"Damn," he said. "Thought so."

She frowned. "They should not be so rough with you. You are still recovering." She nudged him toward the bed until the backs of his legs hit the mattress and he sat down.

"It's okay. It was an accident," he said, watching her grabbing a fresh bandage for him. "You should've seen Dave, though. Seems like they actually managed to get some of the starch out of that stiff shirt of his."

Teyla peeled the rest of the used bandage off his skin and got the new one ready to go. "John, I am not entirely certain what that means, but you do your brother a disservice sometimes with the things you say. He has been very kind to all of us and he deserves more credit than you give him."

Getting a scolding from Teyla made him instantly feel like an ass and he replied sheepishly, "I know that. Things have actually been pretty good between us lately. If this had happened a year ago, I don't know that he would've come."

"Of course, he would have. He is your brother. No matter your differences, he cares for you," she said. With a stern look, she added, "And you care for him, too."

She looked down again to concentrate on the finishing touches to his side. When she secured the final side with the medical tape and gently pat it down, he caught her eye and gave her cheek a loving swipe with his index finger. "You know, you're pretty good at this stuff."

When the corners of her mouth turned upward, he went on. "I was thinking. When we get back home, we're gonna need more space, right? I don't think we could fit a baby into my quarters unless you don't mind letting him sleep in a drawer, and your room isn't that much bigger. Maybe we should start looking for a bigger place. Together."

Her smile grew, but she didn't want to appear too eager. "I think that would be the prudent thing to do."

"Prudent, huh?" he said, not buying her act.

"It would be nice."

"Nice?" He smiled teasingly. "Come on, Teyla. Move in with me."

She rolled her eyes, tiring of the game. "I would love to, John. Does it make you so happy to hear me say it?"

He grinned, his victory complete. "Absolutely."

 

* * *

 

Ronon and Mason packed the team's duffel bags into the back of the SUV. The Daedalus was breaking orbit in a few hours and the time had come to report to Cheyenne Mountain for their final checks with Dr. Lam before starting their return voyage home.

Teyla was standing next to the car talking with Dave, while John and Rodney marched down the hallway, bringing the last of their gear from the hotel rooms.

"You put it in there right?" John asked him.

"Yeah. It's all sitting on the bed. He'll get it when he goes in to pack up," Rodney confirmed for the third time. "Why can't you just tell him? Don't you think he deserves to know?"

"I do, and I'd tell him everything if I could, McKay, but I'm not allowed to. This isn't like it was with your sister. She's an asset who can bring something to table. Atlantis' business practices are pretty well taken care of, though, so ..."

"He signed the forms."

"He signed some of the forms. He can't talk about what he saw. That doesn't give him permission to get the full Encyclopedia Britannica on the Stargate Program."

Rodney's mouth turned sideways. "You don't think this is gonna be giving him too much information?"

"I didn't actually  _say_  anything to him, did I?" John replied. "Whatever conclusions he draws from it are strictly conjecture and I have no control over that, do I?"

"I hate it when you start using legal jargon. It always leads to trouble."

"Whatever gets the job done, McKay."

They pushed through the exit doors and Rodney took the remaining bags from John and left him to say his goodbyes. Teyla was already way ahead of him.

"I am grateful I had the opportunity to get to know you better," she said to Dave. "I do hope that the next time will be a happier occasion."

Dave heartily agreed. "I'm sure it will be. Though I guess with how often John gets leave, next time I may be getting introduced to my little niece or nephew."

Teyla smiled graciously, realizing that he was most likely correct. "It will be a wonderful day."

She still harbored reservations about anyone knowing about the baby at this stage. Her fears about the pregnancy suddenly ending were still at the forefront of her mind. But the people who knew were the people she was closest to in life. They were a part of her family, and if she was to share this time with anyone, it should be them. Even David, whom she had only known a short time. Through this child, they were blood and bonded together.

Dave pulled her into a tight embrace and pecked her cheek. "Don't stay away too long, Teyla," he said.

From behind them, John teased, "Hey, take it easy, Dave. I'd hate to have to hit you for getting too friendly with my girl."

Teyla smiled at the joke. "You need not concern yourself, John. I am perfectly capable of defending my own honor."

To Dave, John said seriously, "She's not kidding. She could kick my ass and yours without breaking a sweat."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Even with her bum knee?"

"Crutches are just another weapon, Dave."

His brother laughed. "You know, somehow that doesn't surprise me."

John took Teyla's hand and helped her into the backseat of the car, where the rest of the team had already piled in and were ready to leave.

He hated goodbyes in general and he had never figured out how to say it to his brother. He was used to disappearing. It was easy, simple, clean. No emotional strings. Just the way they both liked it.

John held out his hand. "It was good seeing you, Dave."

"Likewise," his big brother answered, taking the offered hand and shaking it. "You take better care of yourself, okay?"

"I'll do what I can," John promised with a smirk.

"And try to come home every once in a while."

"Yes, Mom. I'll call every Sunday."

"Smart ass."

John slid on his sunglasses and slipped into the car next to Teyla. Dave shut the door for him. Mason turned the keys and the engine of the black SUV purred.

With one last wave, Dave said, "Bye, John."

"I'll see you later," he replied.

 

* * *

 

It was time to get back to his life. Dave could already see the pile of papers stacked on his desk waiting for him to go over and another pile of things needing his signature. He'd kept in touch with his assistant and the balls he spent years juggling were actually still in the air, despite his absence. It made him seriously start to consider scaling back his day-to-day commitments at work and maybe start to bring more balance in his life.

Dave swiped the card to his room. With John gone, there was no point in staying. He had a flight to catch.

Sitting on his bed was a large cardboard box. What the hell? 

There was a small white envelope resting on top. Dave picked it up and skimmed his thumb along the crease, ripping the paper. The only thing inside was a small slip of paper with John's handwriting on it. At the top of the note were a series of numbers that appeared to be coordinates, but they weren't like any set of coordinates he'd ever seen or learned about in geography.

 

_You wanted to know where I worked. I'll be in touch soon. Thanks for coming, Dave._

_John_

 

"Huh ..." Dave said to himself with a smile. Eager to find out what John had finally decided he could know, he set the note on the bedside table, picked up his keys, and looked for the best way to open the big box. Lifting it up, he used the jagged edge of one of the keys to cut through the thick tape sealing it shut.

He pulled open the brown lid and pushed aside the packing material inside. It was a telescope. High end too, from the looks of it. John hadn't pinched any pennies picking this thing out. Stuffed between the styrofoam packaging protecting its cargo was an astronomy reference book.

"What are you up to, John?"

He flipped through the pages and found one had been dog-eared. He opened the page and pulled back the sad little flap. With a big red marker, under a photo taken from a camera on a long-range satellite, John had circled the chapter title, "The Pegasus Galaxy" and written in the margin. "This chapter is a good read. I highly recommend it. And, yes, I'm serious."

"Oh my God," he muttered, rubbing his temples. He sank onto the bed, getting the now familiar pressure in the front of his head. Outer space? Another galaxy?

The code name Pegasus, the magical healing device, the three weeks of travel time, all started to actually make sense and he found it highly disturbing that it did.

"You secretive bastard," Dave mumbled to himself. "Damn right, you're gonna be in touch and you're gonna start talking."


	26. Reunions

When they got ready to beam down from the Daedalus, John was a little on edge. He and his team stood on the bridge of the ship as Col. Caldwell radioed the city and readied Atlantis personnel for their arrival. In his uniform, John took Teyla's hand and squeezed, trying to redirect some of his nervous energy.

During the three week voyage to Pegasus, he'd logged plenty of time with the on-board head shrinker to satisfy the PTBs that, despite his memory gap, he was fully capable of continuing in his capacity as the military commander of the base. He had gotten his clearance and his status reinstated. As far as the military was concerned, the matter was closed, but John had nagging doubts. The lingering hole in his head made him apprehensive that he may not remember things in Atlantis as they really were—like the walls were a different color than he recalled or there would be people he should know that he wouldn't. As the energy from the transport beam engulfed him, he supposed the time had come to rip the band-aid off and find out for sure.

They rematerialized in front of the gate and were met by a room full of people. A full squad of military personnel stared back at him, along with many of the scientists and the more familiar faces of his friends. Up front, with Teldy slightly behind and to his right, Major Lorne called the squad to attention and threw up his hand in salute to his returning commander. The salute was echoed by those standing behind him.

"Colonel Sheppard, it's an honor to have you back, sir."

John loosened his grip on Teyla's hand and lifted himself to match. He snapped into position and returned the salute. When the gesture was finished and hands around the room lowered, John replied, "It's me who's honored, Major," and with a good hard look around, he sighed with relief. "It's good to be home."

Major Lorne turned around and dismissed the squad. The soldiers filed out and the pomp and circumstance atmosphere started to morph into something more informal and comfortable to him. The people in the upper balcony and many of the scientists returned to their work and the returning group was left with Sam, Dr. Keller, Dr. Zelenka, and Carson Beckett waiting for their chance to greet them.

Radek barely got a word and a handshake in before Rodney whisked him away, demanding to know everything that had gone on while he was away

Not really one to stand on ceremony, Jennifer ran up to him and gave him a quick, enthusiastic hug and broke away again before he had a chance to react. With glassy eyes, she said, "Colonel, you look so much better. I'm so glad. You gave us all quite a scare."

"Sorry about that," he said.

"Just don't do it again and we'll call it even, okay?"

With a dutiful agreement to try from John, Jennifer peppered Teyla with questions about how the rehabilitation of her knee was going, if they'd gotten the chance to do anything on Earth before returning home, and a very veiled comment alluding to her curiosity about whether John had been told yet.

Leaving the girl talk to the girls, John turned to see that Sam and Carson had both come up. Only partially in jest, John slowly reached out and gave Carson a good solid poke in the chest with his index finger.

Sam asked, "John, what are you ...?"

"Just making sure," he explained with a comically straight face, then a smirk peeked out. "Welcome back from the dead, Carson."

"Welcome back yourself, Colonel," Beckett answered with a wide smile.

"You picked a helluva time to show up," John pointed out.

Teyla overheard his comment and said to the beaming Scot, "I, for one, am very grateful he came when he did."

"I am too, sweetie," said John. "I am too."

While Jennifer stood by and reined in her impulse to act smile stupidly at the colonel's less guarded attitude toward showing affection for Teyla, Sam took her chance. "It's good to see you, John. I hope you've come back ready to get to work."

"Well ..." he started, "I, uh, have a lot of catching up to do, then I ..."

Carter smiled. "Take all the time you need, Colonel. Major Lorne's done a great job keeping your seat warm."

"In that case," John said, "Maybe I could just take another couple weeks and ... re-acclimate?" he joked.

"You and I both know that you could never stay out of the action that long."

"I'm willing to give it a try."

They spent the next few minutes getting reacquainted with the major events around the city they had missed. Apparently, Carson's status as a clone wasn't all smooth sailing. He and Jennifer had had to work together to put together a cure for some cellular necrosis going on his organs. He would have to receive regular injections to stave the condition off, but he was full steam ahead again. Once that problem had been rectified, they had then turned their attention on Halling.

"How is he?" Teyla asked.

"We were able to reverse engineer a version of the original Iratus retrovirus and return him to normal," Beckett explained.

Jennifer added, "He's doing well and he's staying with the rest of the Athosians again."

Teyla said to John urgently, grabbing his arm, "I must see him."

John nodded, knowing how important it was to her. With all that had happened, she had never gotten a proper reunion with her people.

"I can take you," Jennifer volunteered.

"Thank you," Teyla said. "I will contact you later, John."

He watched as the two women headed toward the nearest transporter. Teyla was moving much better. While he was preoccupied with the military psychiatrist on the Daedalus, she had been doing physical therapy to strengthen her knee again. She was able to ditch the crutches before long and was on a cane for a while. Now, although she still wore a brace, it was much smaller and more malleable and she could walk without any assistance. John was starting to see the familiar strut in her step again. The sway of her hips as she walked away and what it did for her backside weren't lost on him in the slightest and he had to fight to keep his mind from diving head first into the gutter.

"Colonel," he said. "I need to, uh, put in a request."

 

* * *

 

"You should know, Teyla, after you left, things with Halling were not always ... easy," Dr. Keller advised her as they walked together through the corridors of the city.

"What you mean?"

"He was quiet for a while. You know how he was. He would sit in the holding cell and watch everybody, never saying a word."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, that is how he behaved after I was able to break through Michael's hold on him. But something changed?"

"I'm afraid so," Jennifer told her sadly. "A few days later, he started getting more and more agitated. Pacing around, you know? Just acting really nervous. At first, we figured it was a reaction to being cooped up in the cells for so long, but that wasn't it."

"Late one night, I got a call," she paused, shaking her head at the memory. "I went down to the brig and he was ... different. He was raving about how his master would rise up again and Atlantis was going to fall. It was scary, really scary. Then, he changed and clutched his head, screaming like he was in pain. It went on for a while before he changed back."

Teyla listened in horror. Halling was like a brother and she could not imagine him ever behaving in such a way.

"We finally had to go in and sedate him, because he started throwing himself into the shields and he wouldn't stop."

"Why would he do that to himself?" Teyla asked, appalled.

"Carson has a theory. While he didn't do any of the actual research on creating the hybrids, he did have limited access to Michael's files and he tried to familiarize himself with what was being done," Jennifer went on, trying to explain it so Teyla would understand. "Michael was actually putting a ... rudimentary sort of hive consciousness in the hybrids, like the Wraith have. It's what connects the Wraith together in the hive under their Queen and it acts along the same neural pathways as their mind control abilities. It's not a conscious collective of minds, but more like a link in a chain connecting them all together. And Michael created the collective in the hybrids with himself as the center, so he could have more control, keep them focused on his mission for total domination."

Teyla nodded. She had felt it herself in her few connections with the Wraith. There was always the conscious thoughts of the individual Wraith she linked with, but in the background, she could almost hear what she would describe as a hum.

Keller went on, satisfied that Teyla knew what she was saying and probably, she realized, had a deeper understanding of it than she did. "Dr. Beckett thinks that, when you connected with Halling, you broke the link, or, at least, damaged it, making Halling less of a threat and helping him to get more centered on who he really is."

"And you believe that this hive mind began to reassert itself after a time," Teyla finished.

"Yeah."

"But he is disconnected from it now. Is that correct?"

"Yes," Jennifer confirmed. "He's 100% Halling again. But he does remember things, and I didn't want you to be taken by surprise by some things he might say."

"What kinds of things?"

"Oh, nothing really. Mostly, it's just more of Michael's propaganda, but he occasionally makes references to things that don't really make sense. They may be plans. They may be things he saw. We don't really know and Halling can't seem to bring more focus to them either. He says they're just sitting there in his head, without a reference point."

"I see," Teyla said. "Thank you, Jennifer, for taking care of him."

"It was my pleasure, Teyla," the doctor responded. She gave Teyla a smile and soft nudge to the arm. "So. Onto happier things. Did you tell the colonel?"

Teyla returned the smile.

"You did? How did he take it?" she asked on the edge of her seat.

"He was ... surprised," Teyla said. "It took him some time, but I believe he is quite happy to be having a child."

Jennifer was so excited. "Of course, he is. How could he not be? You guys are gonna be such a cute little family!"

 

* * *

 

It was strange seeing Halling this way. He was no longer the man he was, but he was also no longer the monster. When Teyla entered, Jennifer waited outside to give the old friends some privacy. He stood and pressed his forehead to hers as he had done a thousand times before, but this time it was different. He was different.

"How are you recovering, my friend?" Teyla asked him.

He seemed uneasy and wouldn't make eye contact with her. "I am well, Teyla. It has been difficult, but I am adjusting."

"And Jinto?"

At the mention of his son, Halling brightened at little. "He is well, also. He is happy to have been able to return here. I do not think he would've ever left, given the choice. He often spoke of coming to visit you in the city of the Ancestors."

She smiled. "He would have been most welcome. I have missed him and you."

"Yes, well, I think now he was right. We never should have left," he said darkly.

While Teyla couldn't know everything Halling had gone through, she knew the guilt he must be feeling. It was the burden of being a leader among a people on the brink of extinction. "Halling, I have often felt that I am partly to blame for what has happened. Michael targeted our people because of your connection to me and I should have been there to try and stop it. But, it changes nothing. All we can do now is take what we still have and rebuild. The Athosian people have survived ten thousand years of cullings. We will survive this as well."

He stood up and started to pace. "I cannot. I cannot remain, not when I have blood on my hands."

"Halling ..."

"No, Teyla! I helped him destroy our people, our friends. I dragged Retana out of that prison cell and delivered her up to him while she cried and never did I once try to stop him!

Teyla closed her eyes. Retana was a good friend and Setisse's mother. When they were young, Charin had tried to teach them both how to cook and between the two of them, Retana had been the only one to learn.

"I followed the Master ..." He spat out the word that had so easily flowed from his tongue. "Michael. I followed him without question. Always searching for balance, the right balance—light and dark, good and evil—all of it to change the face of the galaxy."

Halling paused, realizing he had been doing it again. Saying things, ranting about things that had no longer held any meaning for him.

Teyla watched in sorrow as her Athosian brother covered his face and started to shake. The painful, miserable sounds he made broke her heart.

"What am I? I am no longer a man," he asked her with a shudder laced through his cracking voice. He spoke to her in desperation, as a lonely criminal confesses his crimes. "I have seen into what lies at the heart of the Wraith, Teyla, and it ... it was intoxicating. I felt no fear, no doubt, no pain, and ... I want it back. May the Ancestors forgive me, I want it back!"

Teyla took a hold of his face and forced him to look at her. "You are a good man," she said, commanding him to hear her. "You are a good man with pain in your heart. No one would blame you for desiring an escape. I don't. I know what it is like to feel so much pain, you can think of nothing but finding a way to end it. But ...Halling, look at me!"

He tried to tear away from her, but she held him fast. "It will pass. I promise you. It will pass and you will find joy again. When you are ready for it, it will be waiting for you and so will we all. No one is going abandon you for what Michael inflicted on you and no one blames you.

Halling started to calm down, so Teyla relaxed her hard grip. "When we found you and the others, Jinto spoke to me of how proud he was of you. He was able to look at you, even while you wore that face, and speak of you with great fondness. He has never wavered."

Halling took a deep breath and got out, "He is a good son."

"He has a good father."

It took some time, but as he settled down again, he became more like his old self. He was less guarded and she was able to speak with him about the more mundane yet essential questions regarding their people and their future.

"I believe that it is best, for now, that we remain in Atlantis," Teyla said. "We need to give those that have survived time to heal and regroup. Whether we return to New Athos or try and resettle on a new planet will be decided when the time is right."

"When that time comes, will you be coming with us, Teyla?" he asked in surprise. She was speaking as though she were planning on being more of a present part of the community. "I would have thought you would remain here."

"Things here have changed since you've been gone. My ties here have grown. I cannot simply leave." She sighed. "But I do not see how I could stay either, when our people will need every hand available to start over."

"I understand how difficult it would be for you to leave."

"Do you?" she asked.

"You have lived among these people a long time now," he stated. "Bonds are formed and some bonds should never be broken, not even for duty."

He patted her hand. "You do not need to decide anything now, Teyla," he said. "As you say, the Athosians will remain in Atlantis. You are the leader. You will know when the time is right."

 

* * *

 

"Where are we, John? I do not believe I have been through this section of the city before," Teyla asked looking around at the unknown hallway.

"I was taking a walk out on the east pier, just trying to get reacquainted with things, you know, thinking things through ... and a light on this panel," he told her, pointing to a black, square section of the wall, "lit up and I followed it. I just sorta found my way here."

He held her tightly by the hand down the deserted hallway. Teyla allowed John to lead her wherever it was he had set in his mind to go. Whatever he had found, he seemed genuinely excited about it. "I don't think I've been back here since we first arrived in the city. We checked out this whole section and it's just been sitting here deserted ever since."

"These are all quarters?"

"Yeah, big ones," he said with a smile. "The Ancients had families, too. Stands to reason they had to put the little Ancients somewhere."

Just a few paces further, John stopped and thought for second. "Yeah, this is it." He waved his hand over the door control and the room opened to them with a soft hiss. He pulled Teyla inside.

She took in a deep breath. "Oh, John ..."

"It's pretty nice, huh?" he said with a smile.

The first thing she saw as she stepped in the large front room were the windows on the opposite wall and the doorway that led to the balcony beyond. They held the most spectacular view of Atlantis she had ever seen. Teyla was awestruck at the Ancients' planning of the city. The tower they were in was in a cluster of several, but the view was completely unobstructed from every angle. The control tower, the lower levels and the rest of Atlantis beyond it, the wide expanse of ocean surrounding them—Teyla saw them all majestically lit up by the sunlight and the city seemed to shine.

"It is beautiful," she whispered.

She turned to John who was watching her reaction intently and seemed to be loving every second of it. "You wish us to live here?" she asked.

"That's the idea." He walked around behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, across her neck. "There's two bedrooms, plus a master for us. Big living room. Kitchen, if we ever dare to use it. Plenty of room for all our stuff."

"John, I do not believe we have things enough to fill  _this_  room," she said, waving a hand to the living room they were in, "let alone the rest of them."

"I don't mind. That means there will be plenty of open space," he answered. "But I do have a few ideas about what to do with some of this."

He let her go and started pointing out specific areas of the quarters and she smiled at his initiative. It only made him more handsome to her, to know that he'd already put so much thought into this.

"This is where I'm gonna keep my guitar," he said with a wave to one area. "I thought that wall right there would be a great place for my Johnny Cash poster."

"You have a guitar?"

"Well, not yet ... but Capshaw said he'd give me some lessons. He's pretty good."

"I was not aware."

He wandered to the next point of interest to him. "And here. This, right here, is McKay's corner. This is where he can come and complain about how no one appreciates what he brings to the table and that the presence of lemonade in the mess hall is a personal attack on him. You know, the usual."

Teyla chuckled, while John kept going.

"Over here, you and Ronon can bring in a big trunk and store all the weapons you pull out solely to kick my ass with. And, don't worry, we can put up a smaller rack for all the baby-sized weapons. I figure whipping daddy's ass will become one of the more popular family traditions."

He sauntered up to her, knowing that he'd completely sold her. He slid up to her and held her close to him. "What do you think?"

She took one more look around and imagined all the wonderful new memories they could make in here. John had, indeed, sold her. At that moment, she couldn't think of another place she could ever want to be. "We will have to make a request to Colonel Carter."

"Already done. We don't even to sign a mortgage or anything. It's ours, if you want it."

"In that case, when may we move in?"

"As soon as I can assemble the minions, sweetie," he said and, as she let out a joy-filled laugh, John pulled her in and grazed his lips along her neck.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, Teyla lay on a bed in the infirmary with her arms folded over her chest, absentmindedly swinging her foot from side to side and glancing at her watch.

"Any sign of him?" Dr. Keller asked.

"Not yet," Teyla sighed.

"We could radio him."

"I do not wish to disturb him if he is still in his meeting."

"Somehow, I don't think he'd mind."

At that point, John hurried into the infirmary to her side. "I'm so sorry, Teyla. I couldn't get McKay to shut up. I finally had to pull out my gun." With a quick look to Jennifer, he said, "I didn't miss it, did I?"

"No, Colonel. We've been waiting for you."

"You did not really pull your gun on Rodney, did you?" Teyla asked, concerned.

He nodded emphatically. "You bet I did. Laid it on the table. Worked like a charm, too. You may want to check on him in a minute, Doc. He was looking pretty pale when I left."

"I'll do that," Jennifer smirked and said sweetly, "Okay, Teyla. Let's do this."

Teyla lifted her shirt a few inches, unzipped her pants, and tugged the loosened waistline down to expose her abdomen. Dr. Keller pulled out a small, black Doppler device and pressed the monitor to Teyla's skin. After a few moments of searching and dragging the probe across her belly, the rapid, thrumming pulse of a baby's heartbeat filled the infirmary.

"There it is," Jennifer said. "Sounds great. Nice and strong."

John squeezed Teyla's hand and pushed the loose hair of her bangs out of the way as he laid a kiss on her forehead. He felt a rush go through him. It wasn't unlike a surge of adrenaline. It went deeper, down to the very tips of his toes.

He had just gotten his first taste of fatherhood, the first of what he hoped were many.

And he liked the way it felt on him.

 

.

fin

.

 


End file.
